Feeling Good...

One of my New Year's Resolutions was to be more social- to get out, without the kiddo at least once a month and do something for me. Well, I did it- I went to a baby shower where I only knew the guest of honor.

I wore nice clothes, felt fabulous, (a change indeed from my normal attire of stained pants and baggy shirts), and met so many wonderful people! The women there lived in my neighborhood, went to my church, had kids the same age, were SAHMs, married and were about the same age as I am! So many things to talk about! (Oh boy, and did I talk.... it seems that when I get out of the house and talk to adults that are not in my every day life, it is such a relief that I just cannot seem to shut up!)

However, I seem to have fallen behind the times. Apparently, my entire neighborhood is networked on Facebook. I would have known all of them if I ever actually logged on...

So, amended resolution: sign onto Facebook more frequently and actually use it...

I am now officially trying to put together a once-a-month girl's night (games, movie, something cheap and easy) where we can get together and bond as women, Christians, wives, functioning members of society... it was so refreshing to connect with people on a level above just motherhood. So, we are going to try to recreate that. Until the baby comes, then the little nursling will have to come with, but I don't expect he will have much to say.

I love real maternity clothes, too, by the way- they made me feel much more put-together, finished and less lumpy-bumpy and awkward.

I am so excited now for my baby shower- no kiddos, no men, just women having fun and bonding over silly, sentimental games and snacks. Fun, fun, fun!

This baby shower I just went to was the third 2nd baby shower I have been to recently- so I am starting to feel less and less guilty for having one. It is an excuse to hang out and bond, celebrate love and friendship, and there is never anything wrong with that!

Ack!

I am in LOVE with Motherhood Maternity Secret-Fit Belly Pants... but cannot just refurbish my entire pants wardrobe with them.

I have hated all other maternity pants, choosing instead to wear pajama pants, gauchos, yoga pants and jeans held together by belts and hair ties. However, I am six months preggers now. That just won't fly anymore. Must.wear.maternity.pants.

I think I may save up for a few weeks and splurge on a few pairs. I just feel so guilty paying $30-$40 a pair!!

What do you think... if I only get one pair, olive or stone? (Hint: that is a link)

Oh, I would feel fabulous in these... darn my cheapness!

Daegan's 2nd Bday Party

Hi!

I know I said I was not going to throw one, but I have been feeling better lately and it is his last as an only child... sooo....

Saturday, February 21st
10am-1pm
My house

If you are reading this, you are invited! Official invites will be mailed as soon as I get around to licking envelopes and buying stamps!

I purposefully did it the day before the shower, because that way people driving in will only have to do it once! :)

Two Forward, One Back

I officially took the Zofran pump off yesterday.

Then, today, things crashed. I had to put it back on. I am so disappointed.

Imagine having to carry a purse all the time- to bed, in the shower, all the time. It is such a nuisance. I was looking forward to getting it off.

The nurse says there is still hope, we just have to wean much more gradually than we thought. Grrr. Oh well, there are only two or three months left in this pregnancy, so at least I know I won't be buried with it.

Bummer, huh?

Ultrasound

We had our last ultrasound today at 22 weeks and five days. They don't anticipate a need for any further US's. It went really well- Logan is 10 inches long, and a little over a pound now. He looks like a little baby! In fact, she got a really good angle on the face, and he looks just like Daegan did when he was born.

The nurse said that my belly should grow about an inch a week from here on out (fun), and that soon he will start gaining a half a pound a week! Wowza!

He had his butt up in the air, so we got a lot of great looks at his cheeks- he has a very symmetrical heinie. Oh, and he is definitely a boy!

I am a little bummed not to get any more ultrasounds, though. With Daegan, we had them about every month due to placenta previa. It really is nice to get a little window into the womb, you know?

Well, I guess it does not really matter anyway- it is just going to fly by now. Only two real months of waiting before we start going into watching and waiting mode, and only three months until my due date.

Unfortunately, the pictures she took during the ultrasound were not really good, so I am not going to bother scanning them in. You will just have to wait till the yucky, gooey pictures from birth! :P

Is anyone else in disbelief that in just a few short months, Logan is going to be here?!? I am really looking forward to it all again- the last, full, pretty-bellied weeks of pregnancy, the infancy, baby wearing a newborn, breastfeeding, everything. Remind me of that when I complain about lack of sleep and hormones, k? ;)

PS. The Baby Shower.

By now, most of you have gotten my baby shower invites. I am getting a lot of people who are thinking that it is odd to have a second shower. However, my friend Julie really, really wanted to throw me one and I am not going to refuse something that is so obviously done out of love.

Besides, what is more fun than getting together all the people you love and care for in the same room for some cheesy games and cake? :P

I am really excited to see everyone, since I am not throwing a graduation party, a birthday party for Daegan, or a 30th bday party for Joe. We would have done all of that, but I still need to keep stress and activity low to keep the HG managed. Plus, they were all within a six week spread, and I felt guilty having everyone drive in so many times for us so close together.

I did register at Babies R' Us, but tried to keep it modest- mostly just shampoos and stuff to let you guys know which brands we use. It is more about just seeing everyone and celebrating Logan, you know? I am getting excited, though!!

More later, that is all for now, naptime!!!

Finish Line

As of 11:49 AM, sometime in between Daegan trashing the house and my body screaming for a nap, I completed and turned in my last paper for my last class in my MBA. I am officially done. Of course, I have to wait for the administrative part to complete (grade receipt, final matriculation, mailing of the sheepskin) before I can officially say "I graduated!" but that should be a few weeks.

Good riddance, business classes!!!

I am more emotional about this than I thought I would be- overjoyed, proud, tired, a little sad, all wrapped up in one big ball of hormonal emotional processing!

Check this out!

I am totally unobservant. The link I have posted to the right that is for Animal Rescue- click it. Across the top, you will see tabs that say Hunger, Breast Cancer, Child Health, Literacy, Rainforest and Animal Rescue- you can do your daily clicks under any or all of those catagories! So cool! Click away, please!

Remember- it is free! You just need to click, and the advertisers do the donating! :)

And here we are...

For the past three days, Daegan has been acting like a completely different child- screaming, throwing toys, refusing to share, making diaper changes so difficult that they practically create a bio hazard zone...

I thought he must be getting a virus or teeth or something... but nothing came!

So, we must have finally arrived at the terrible twos. Right on time. He has totally regressed in so many areas, and I have been daydreaming about going back to work for a few years until this stage is over...

Ah, it is so difficult, challenging to deal with that with love, patience and gentle guidance all day long. It is like parenting some feral cat or something.

Then, when I am ready to give him up for adoption, he does something super-sweet and lovey, and I just melt all over again.

Ugh.

I miss my son! Where the &*&%^% did he go?!? I feel like some drug addict waiting for the next period of normalcy and sanity, the next time I can see the little boy I love in his eyes.

The best part? It supposedly lasts a few years. Soooo, by the time D is over it, Logan will be entering them. Joe is so lucky I was already preggers when this phase hit!

I love motherhood.
I love motherhood.
I love motherhood.

Sometimes, I wish I could drink right now, because a hot bubble bath devoid of rubber ducks and a nice, cold bottle of white wine sound amazing!!!

13

That is how high Daegan counted today.

Don't blame me. Blame Sesame Street. He learns so much from that show!

And I trusted you with my Pyrex! :)

A few days ago, I almost posted a blog about this, but as the story developed I am glad I waited!

A friend of mine made too much dinner in her crock pot, so she dropped the difference by my house for dinner. She made a big, huge deal about trusting me with her Pyrex. It was funny.

I got to thinking- is that the new mark of friendship? There are Gladlock friends, Tupperware friends and then Pyrex friends? Certainly, I send almost anyone home with those disposable Gladlock containers. Pyrex just never seems to come back my way, and with Gladlock I don't have to care.

So, returning the favor, I made a chicken and artichoke dumpling casserole and split it with her family. I, of course, extended my trust by giving her my Pyrex and returning hers.

I get a call this morning about a horrific accident! Thinking someone was really hurt, I got all worried, until she filled me in that her husband had accidentally broken my Pyrex taking the casserole out of the fridge.

I had to laugh at the irony. Of course, she offered to replace it, and I accepted because it was one of a set of two dishes that I use almost every day. Ha!

In a world where the friendship is measured in durability of cookware, what says more? That she trusted me with her Pyrex or that she confessed to the spill and offered to replace mine? Either way, I will likely lend her more at some point- accidents happen and there are absolutely no hard feelings!

Weaning

They started weaning me off the medicine today. If all goes well, we will be off it completely by the first week in February. Yipee!!!

Think you are busy?

These old testament chicks put us to shame... imagine doing all this plus having 10 or so children!


***
Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies.
The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil.
She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.
She seeketh wool, and flax, and worketh willingly with her hands.
She is like the merchants' ships; she bringeth her food from afar.
She riseth also while it is yet night, and giveth meat to her household, and a portion to her maidens.
She considereth a field, and buyeth it: with the fruit of her hands she planteth a vineyard.
She girdeth her loins with strength, and strengtheneth her arms.
She perceiveth that her merchandise is good: her candle goeth not out by night.
She layeth her hands to the spindle, and her hands hold the distaff.
She stretcheth out her hand to the poor; yea, she reacheth forth her hands to the needy.
She is not afraid of the snow for her household: for all her household are clothed with scarlet.
She maketh herself coverings of tapestry; her clothing is silk and purple.
Her husband is known in the gates, when he sitteth among the elders of the land.
She maketh fine linen, and selleth it; and delivereth girdles unto the merchant.
Strength and honour are her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come.
She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness.
She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness.
Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her.
Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all.
Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the LORD, she shall be praised. Give her of the fruit of her hands; and let her own works praise her in the gates.
–Proverbs 31

Antics

Daegan is so friggin' funny sometimes.

Mirror Me
We went to Joe's work to pick him up to carpool to the Health and Welfare Expo last week. We got to his work about 10 minutes early, so I let Daegan out of his carseat so that he could roam the car.

He climbed into the driver's seat, put on my sunglasses, flipped open my cellphone and started drinking my Starbucks.

When I asked him what he was doing, he said, "I Drive!"

Ladies Man
This Sunday, I was standing in line to check him in for the toddler childcare at church. Behind us were three families, each with a little girl about his age.

He walked up to the first little girl, grabbed her hand and stood beside her holding it for a few seconds. He kissed her on the cheek, walked to the second little girl and grabbed her hand. After a few seconds, he kissed her on the cheek. He walked to the third girl, grabbed her hand, stood beside her and then started giggling before he kissed her cheek!! :P

Where did he learn to behave like that?!?

Cautiously Optimistic

Well... it seems to be working!! :) Hurray! I am still cautious about getting my hopes up, but we are looking like we found a solution that works. I have not been seriously nauseated nor vomited since Friday!! :)

Whooo Hooo!!!

I even ate three meals a day all weekend, including wings! Food tastes so good now. I wonder if it is normal to feel this hungry?!? Holy cow, I could eat us out of house and home all the sudden!

Really, hunger will take some getting used to, but overall this is very promising. I might even get to experience my third trimester the way the other mamas do- glowing, fat and abundant!!! :)

It has only been two and a half days, so we are still in an uncertain window, but keep the prayers coming, because this as serious to me as cancer going into remission. This is HUGE.

I can't stop feeling overwhelmed at the possibilities- all the things I mourned, given back. This is a real miracle, I think.

One more week.

It is kind of mind-boggling to think that I only have one more week until I complete my MBA. Crazy stuff. I will have a Master's degree by next Monday! Hm.

It is a similar sensation to learning about the death of a distant relative. It seems odd to think that you won't be able to see or talk to them any more (not like you ever did anyway), but it does not change any detail in the day to day operation of your life, you know?

The MBA is the same way. Odd to think I have it, but it does not really change anything. Except maybe my security if something ever happens to Joe and I need to re-enter the workforce.

Call it "insurance."

Close Encounters

Yesterday at the Health and Wellness Expo, we heard John "The Penguin" Bingham speak. He is just as inspirational an orator as he is a writer, so it was a nice opportunity. He interrupted his talk to compliment Daegan for being handsome and well-behaved. :) It was kind of neat.

Prayers, Please!

My nurse told me about this combo of OTC meds that may take away my HG completely. She said that she has seen major success with it with her patients. I started it last night, and she said that we will know by this weekend if it will work for me...

It is nice to see contrast by walking in the grey and murky, but it is even nicer to walk in the sun.

Please, put your thoughts that this may work, ok? :) There is strength in numbers!

Thankful

This week, both my faith and my patience were tested. We are supposed to be thankful, even when what we are being thankful for seems less like a blessing and more like a curse. I have written about thankfulness before and my struggles with it- it is so hard sometimes to be proverbially kicked in the stomach and then thank your attacker!

This week, I feel like I was given two textbook examples of why we should be thankful for even the seemingly negative things. It felt like an instructional week. It also feels like my next lesson is trust, or faith, because I can see where this is going... Let me explain.

About a month ago, we had a surplus of around $1000, +/- $300 in the bank. Normally I would just let it sit in there until it was used up, or I would move it to an interest-bearing account. However, this time neither of those actions felt right. For some reason, I had a really strong instinct that I needed that money in cash. Call it a "whisper" or a "nudge."

I have to tell you here just how against my nature it is to have cash in the house- it absolutely never happens. Never. Yet this time, I felt strongly that this was the right course of action. So, over the course of the next few weeks, we just drew the cash out in small bits- $300 here, $80 there, and stored it in a drawer.

We were not using it, but it felt funny knowing it was there. Then, at the beginning of the week, I checked my email and saw that Wells Fargo had sent a handful of overdraft notices. Panicking, I check the bank account online and see that someone had drained it of everything. The last $500 that was in there. Apparently, they had gotten the card number online since we both still had our cards.

I call the bank, and they say that there is no problem reversing the charges due to fraud. However, it may take up to two weeks. Can you imagine not having any access to any money for two weeks?!? Gas, groceries, rent, everything would have been impossible for us. Joe may have made it to work if we charged gas on a credit card, but we HATE doing that.

However, two weeks this month is no problem because we have a ton of cash! We have access to 2/3 of our money despite the theft! All because of an odd, against-my-character nudge!

Now, here comes the faith/trust part- the cash is now running low (we paid the major middle of the month bills.) We have plenty to last through the next week or so, but after that... this better have been resolved! So, I have to wait patiently, trusting that I had that instinct for a reason, waiting for it to be resolved with perfect timing!

If that is not weird enough for you... here is a more coincidental blessing in disguise.

On Monday morning, I called my friend Julie to see if she wanted to get out of the house for a little while. My suggestions were some of the cheaper museums, art galleries, parks, anything. Sometimes the prospect of spending all day at home seems really daunting. She agreed, and I packed Daegan up to go pick her and her little boy up.

On the way to her house, I hear, "Whomp! Whomp! Whomp!" Pulling over to check the car and its new, odd noise, I discover a flat tire! Yikes! I call her to tell her I am not coming, and she says that I am so lucky to have gotten the flat.

Apparently, the 347 (the only road in or out of Maricopa) had a gas leak somewhere on it and they completely shut it down. We would have been stranded in the middle of traffic until they re-opened it later that day with two toddlers! It would have been tough- me without a puke place, her 28 weeks pregnant, too! Imagine if I had gotten the flat in the middle of that!!!

So, instead, she came to pick up Daegan, followed me to the tire repair shop, we dropped off my car, went to play at her house, and when I dropped back in to check on the car right before nap it was done!

Imagine having a flat tire in the middle of the 347 without any way to pay for a tow truck, with two toddlers, and two preggy women!!

I cannot help but be happy this week that things turned out so fortuitously. Now, please, help me know that the bank issue will be resolved soon...

20 Week Belly Pics

Finally starting to show a little, I think... much more so than I ever did with Daegan! :) Fun stuff... please, disregard my earthy hips and cellulite. I told them to go away, but they just don't listen!

100 foreskins, please!

Ok, so I am just finishing up with reading the story of David (of David and Goliath) and Saul. This guy Saul was NUTS! Ok, first of all, David and Saul are hanging out in a room, David is playing the harp for him, and Saul keeps throwing a spear at David. David wonders, "Is Saul trying to kill me?" I wonder why this was ambiguous. I think that if someone threw a 14 pound spear at me, I would be pretty clear on the fact that that person did not like me.

Also, David is offered Saul's daughter's hand in marriage. His price for the young woman? 100 foreskins. Seriously. I know that foreskins have religious significance since the only circumcised males were Jewish, but still...

I mean, how does one package such a gift? I wonder if he counted them? Did he clean them and string them together? Pack them in salt? Or, did he just toss a bloody skin with a bundle of rotting flesh his way?

More curiously, I wonder what Saul did with them?

What a weird story. I am pretty sure that Saul was literally mentally ill.

I am interested to see how the story ends tonight.

Sweet Moment

Yesterday after church I went to pick up Daegan from the toddler room. He came out holding his friend Jaden's hand. Jaden, being six months older than Daegan, was well versed in the Church layout and told him, in toddler speak, that he would take him to get a cookie. Daegan was delighted!

So, holding hands, they made a beeline for the cookie table in the other room. The crowd parted around them like the Red Sea. Never dropping hands, they walked up to the table and both of the boys asked very politely, "Cookie, Please!"

They had walked so fast that I was struggling to keep a visual on them, as the crowd did not part for me! Still holding hands, they both shoved their whole cookies into their mouth. Daegan gave me a sugary smile.

It was absolutely precious! I was so proud of him for being polite, but even more proud that he was such a good friend and a big, big boy!

*sniff*

Bang Bang

I am starting to think that as a mother there is only so much I can really control. We have not allowed Daegan to play with toy swords, knives or guns (a common parental censorship).

This morning, before church, Daegan brought out his legos. He sat down playing with them and I ignored him as I laid back in bed, resting.

"BANG BANG, MAMA!"

I look down.

Daegan had built a gun out of legos.

Seriously.

There seems to be no way around this.

So, now the question is: Do I actually get him a toy gun so that I can consistently reinforce that we don't shoot people, we shoot couches, walls, or toys only? Or do I continue my ban on weapons and hope that he doesn't take much more of an interest in them?

Hmmm. Crap. Delimmas. It was easy to just not allow them, but when they build their own what's a mama to do?

I got into trouble :(

Ugh.

I got the house halfway cleaned- my plan worked. I got the XMas stuff moved all into one room for Joe to pack it up, cleaned the kitchen, living room and playroom. I did not clean these rooms well, as in mopping, sweeping, dusting or vacuuming. I only put puzzles back together, collected old and crusty sippies, and organized strands of tangled pirate treasure.

I left the bedroom, office and Daegan's room for Joe to tidy, since I got really tired.

I was feeling really proud of my efforts. Until my nausea hit hard again.

I called the nurse for an extra dose of Zofran (I get 2x a day), and she admonished me for needing it earlier than usual.

She asked, "Let me guess. After your first dose, you thought you might get something done and actually cleaned, didn't you?"

After a sheepish confirmation she says, "Well, don't do that. You need to stay in bed for the rest of the day. You are not as well as you feel when you have all those drugs in your system. As soon as they wear off, you have to deal with the fatigue that you built up, and you know that makes it worse."

Grr.

I was really proud of myself, too. I felt like a contributing member of the family for once, dang it. I think it is actually harder to feel somewhat better than it is to feel totally crappy, because it makes me feel antsy to do something. It sucks to want the floors swept, and to know the only responsible way to do it is to wait for Joe to get home and then add it to his chore list.

It would only take me five minutes to do it myself!!

However, if you ever need motivation, try the friend approach. It works. Well. :)

Clean Freak

As some of you may have guessed, I am a little bit of a clean freak. I start to panic when the dust settles on my floorboards, or when there are spots on the tile. However, I have had just enough energy lately to care about what the house looks like without having enough to really do anything about it.

So, today, as an experiment, I called up Julie.

I asked her to be a true friend today, the real definition of a friend.

I asked her to come over, so that the mortification of her seeing my house might inspire some cleaning on my part.

I hung up the phone, and the effect was immediate. I am now dressed and wanting to revoke my invitation to let someone see me in my slovenly imperfection.

Deep breath. I will never clean on my own feeling this crappy.

Thank GOD for true friends.

She, btw, thought my request and rationale was hilarious.

Wake up, Reality!

In my dream, I slept until 7:30 in the morning and woke up to find all the munchkins from the Wizard of Oz scrubbing my house.

"Scrub scrub here, scrub scrub there..." they sing.

My walls and floor are covered in a pleasantly orange scented mist of bubbles, and even the dog is getting a bath!

They lead me into my bathroom, where a piping hot chai latte from Starbucks is thrust into my hand, and my hair is washed in strawberry mint scented shampoo and then straightened and primped.

My legs, which have been sore lately, get a hot stone massage as Daegan is dressed in very cute preppy clothes and his teeth brushed.

Actual wake up time: 4:45am.

After I get the first waves of nausea to subside, I turn on Sesame Street for Daegan and tell him I am going into the kitchen. Mama needs coffee.

As I finish filling the coffee maker, I hear a huge smash!

Daegan had "helped" me bring my very favorite coffee mug back into the kitchen from the bedroom, but he dropped it and it shattered all over the floor.

It was my favorite because it was just the right size to keep the coffee at the right temperature for the right amount of time. It had a wide base, was hard to knock over, and was bought on clearance at Eddie Bauer years ago. It was, in a word, irreplaceable.

However, so was Daegan's face as his lower lip started trembling and he frantically signed, "I'm sorry," to me.

Poor baby. He knew it was my favorite. That was why he brought it. So sweet.

This post dedicated in memoriam to that lovely Eddie Bauer Coffee Mug, 2001-2009.

Whispered Blessings

One day early last summer, there was a wet spell in Phoenix. It rained for several days, and when it was not raining, the world stayed moist, humid, hot and damp. Usually, the rain is very welcome here, but this particular episode seemed to be focusing on bringing out every oil spill, every mud patch and every piece of now rain-soaked litter. The air carried a heavy smell of wet, stale cow manure.

Joe and I were walking around the neighborhood for our daily cardio, and it was difficult to breath through our exertion in those conditions. It made us cranky, sweaty, gave us headaches and made us chafe. When we got past the halfway mark, it was too late to turn back. I swore silently in my head at each step, cursing the rain, the heat, and our bitter conversation.

The world had been in shades of grey for so long, we had acclimated to it and no longer noticed the diminished light.

Suddenly, the sun broke through a small crack in the clouds and the beam landed directly on this orange flowering bush next to me. The bush was suddenly aflame in illumination, color, contrast and detail. Each small variation in color, each vein in each leaf were all brilliantly apparent. Every single flower quavered proudly in the light, preening in the glory of its creation.

The scene was so glorious, such a sudden and exuberant testament to the beauty of GOD's world, that I went from internally stewing to almost crying with joy in just a few seconds. As that joy settled in my heart, resuscitating my soul and refilling my faith, the sunburst passed, leaving the world grey and wet once again.

I was left to ponder for the rest of our journey how I had never noticed the intricacy of that bush, the beauty in its design. I live in Arizona, where the sun shines brightly for an annoying percentage of the time. Yet, in that well-lit world, the world I take for granted, I had never noticed such glory around me. In fact, I often spend those days cursing the glare and hiding from the light in dimly-lit, well-air conditioned rooms.

I was reminded of this moment last night in prayer, reminded of my "burning bush." It had existed in that form many, many days and I passed it without even noticing it. It was only when the world was cast in shadow and despair, only when that contrast of the sunburst was available, that it had finally touched me.

Thus, it was finally clear to me that the fact that it is difficult and painful for me to bear children, the fact that I spend a 10 month commitment to misery for each little special soul, is a powerful blessing.

Yesterday, I had a "good" day. A day where I could eat, drink, converse and function somewhat normally. The nausea was gone. I only threw up once. I enjoyed every detail of the day, celebrating every minute and immersing myself in the joy of my life. Blessings like the warm, melty taste of peanut butter on a freshly toasted slice of whole grain bread- the crunch of each seed, the salty sweet drippings of the ground nuts. Blessings like taking a shower and enjoying the smell of my own skin after being scented with Dove soap. Blessings in every small minutia of the day, illuminated in their simplicity as the bush had been illuminated so many months before.

How many bright and sunny days have I absentmindedly chugged a cup of coffee, without taking the time to taste the delicate interplay between the bitterness of the brew and the sweet, creaminess of my chosen creamer? How many days have I taken showers, rushing through the released scents of my shampoo and conditioner, thinking only of what I would rather be doing?

Without being forced to walk in the rain, I would never have taken the time to realize just how beautiful life is, and how every cell in our bodies and every atom of our world vibrates with joy and praise to our Creator!

Certainly there have been days where (and there will be days in the future where) I am cranky, cursing each oil-sodden, manure-scented step. There will be days where I cry as I hang my head in the sink, begging for relief, asking why I am being punished. However, I would rather "walk" 10 miles in these conditions for one burning bush to remind me of GOD's glory than spend a lifetime in the sunlight unappreciative of all the beauty around me.

I write this, sending these thoughts and these prayers out into the world, wondering what you are thinking? What is your "burning bush?" Have you ever been stopped literally in your tracks at the wonder of it all? Will you comment, do you have anything to say to this, or is it just another long rambling speech that no one else resonates with?

The more we share these moments together, the more we celebrate GOD in our lives. Every memory, every loving thought, is worship and praise- and the more we see GOD working in our lives and in the lives of those we love, the more we can begin to see how he functions in our modern world.

GOD whispers. How does he whisper to you?

I came across a passage in the Bible last night that really moved me, and I wanted to share it with you as a parting thought.

Kings 19:11-13 (New International Version)

11 The LORD said, "Go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the LORD, for the LORD is about to pass by."

Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the LORD, but the LORD was not in the wind.

After the wind there was an earthquake, but the LORD was not in the earthquake.

12 After the earthquake came a fire, but the LORD was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper. 13 When Elijah heard it, he pulled his cloak over his face and went out and stood at the mouth of the cave.

Elijah knew that GOD was not in the major events- the wind, the earthquake or the fire.

GOD whispered.

How does he whisper to you?

The Animal Rescue Site

If you haven't noticed, to your right you will see a link to an animal rescue site. Please either bookmark it or click it when you visit me here! :)

From the website:

The Animal Rescue Site focuses the power of the Internet on a specific need — providing food for some of the 27 million unwanted animals given to shelters in the U.S. every year. Over 10 million animals are put to death every year in the U.S. alone because they are abandoned and unwanted.

Each click on the purple "Click Here to Give - it's FREE" button at The Animal Rescue Site provides food and care for a rescued animal living in a shelter or sanctuary. Funding for food and care is paid by site sponsors and distributed to animals in need at the Fund for Animals' renowned animal sanctuaries (including Cleveland Amory Black Beauty Ranch in Texas and the Wildlife Rehabilitation Center in California), pet shelters supported by the Petfinder Foundation , North Shore Animal League , and other worthy animal care facilities supported by the GreaterGood.org foundation.

100% of sponsor advertising fees goes to our charitable partners.

A good day...

Finally! I was able to eat and keep down breakfast and some coffee, so I am actually doing pretty normal today. In celebration of that, you get to catch up on what has been happening here. Hold on tight, this may be a long post.

1. Daytime TV Sucks.
Really, it does. However, we have picked up a new obsession with a series called "House," which is pretty good. Well, decently entertaining and pleasantly addicting. The cool thing is that the viewer is drawn to love/hate the main character- he is a real jerk and a drug addict.

However, Sesame Street is every lazy parent's dream! If you can stand to watch it, that is. Daegan is learning how to count, do colors and his ABC's from that show! He says his whole alphabet now with prompting, except "W" which is just hard. If I am having a crappy day, I can pop that on and doze and he is captivated, learning and entertained for the hour. Plus, it runs about four times a day, which means four hours a day of dozy, learning fun! Pretty good, if you ask me.

There are two types of commercials that should be banned, though:

A. Food commercials. Ugh, yuck, hurl, churn. Seriously nothing triggers nausea like a greasy burger shown in close-up. Blech.

B. Commercials for scary movies. The commercials themselves have imagery that scares Daegan, and it really seems unfair that we get no warning. Sure, they leave out the swearing and the nudity, but those creepy ghosts are just too much for him! Heck, I don't even like seeing them. They are unnatural and I really have a visceral reaction to them. Those should be saved for the night-time audiences at least. I love DVR for just this reason, but no one is perfect. I blame the most recent ghost movie for Daegan's new fear of the dark. Darn you, movie execs! Kids watch TV during the day! Keep it clean and light!

2. Bye, Bye Kaylee
I had to tell M. that I could not watch Kaylee anymore. It broke my heart to do it, really. I have watched her so long, she and D. are practically cousins or siblings or something. However, I am having far more bad days than good days lately and even my good days are not strong and energetic days. It was the responsible thing to do. Unfortunately, they are going through a family crisis right now, so my news just added on top of the pile of stress that they are dealing with. Please, pray for their family that GOD gives them the strength to remember his love and find comfort in his word.

3. Lubricant
Ok, so this is a story I have been dying to tell since XMas, but have not had the energy. It is pretty darn funny.

On the day before XMas eve, Kerri and I worked out a timeshare deal where I would watch her kids in the AM while she ran errands, then she would watch D. while I went shopping for Joe's XMas gifts. Then, I would be back by 11am to get an IV put in and get the Zofran pump started with the nurse that was coming.

By the time it was my time to go, I was already missing my afternoon dose of Zofran because I was not supposed to take more if I was going to be getting the pump put in (read: I was feeling really, really crappy.) However, there are things to do, so I left and went shopping for some stuff for Joe. I went to Target, Barnes and Noble, and then Sports Chalet for some lubricant to prevent his clothes from chafing during runs.

As I walked into Sports Chalet, I was just done. I was nauseated, tired, dizzy, and irritable.

Not in the mood to look around, I see the two nearest employees leaning against racks of clothes.

This conversation ensued:

"Hi! Can you please help me find the Astroglide?"

"Ummm, I don't think we carry that."

Irritated: "You have to carry it. This is a sports store. That is a basic product."

"Well, I really don't think so..."

They look at each other, puzzled.

"Well, it is a lubricant. You have to sell lubricants! What do you use when you need to go for hours and hours and prevent chafing? You know, so you are not sore the next day?"

Silence.

"Well, ma'am, if we carried it, it would be back here."

They lead me back to the lubricant section of the store, where I see the Body Glide and grab some. I thank them, go to the front, pay for the lube and get into the car...

Where I realize that I was demanding Astroglide, not Body Glide. Oh my goodness! I had sat there demanding a sexual lubricant from those poor teenage boys! I was mortified! I am so glad I don't shop there often!

4. Dramatic Difference
In the last week and a half I have dropped just under 10 pounds. It has finally stabilized again, thank goodness. However, it is a real trip looking at pictures from Christmas, seeing this major difference and realizing that it was just last week! It is surreal.

5. Manners
I am so proud of our little guy! He has learned how to sign and say "Excuse Me," "Thank You," and "Please," and uses them regularly. It is really sweet. Now I am trying to teach him to say "Yes, mama," or "Yes, Daddy," instead of "yeah." He is just getting so, so big so quickly! I am so proud of him, he is such a cool little dude.

6. Celebrations
Be warned: this year is a big year for our family, but everything falls during the pregnancy. Since I am not up to throwing bash after bash, we are thinking about throwing one big party this summer for all the occasions.

We have:
My graduation in Jan.
Daegan's bday in Feb.
Baby Shower in Feb. (I think, I am not throwing it)
Then, the baby will likely come in late April...
May 9th is Joe's 30th bday, which is a big one
and July 16th is my 28th bday, which is not a big one.

So, I am thinking we will have the baby shower in Feb and the rest as one party in July... that gives a five month break between parties for traveling out of towners. What are your thoughts? Is it kosher to wrap a grad party and three birthday parties into one big family celebration? It really is more about celebrating having such a wealth of blessings in our home with all the friends and family than about presents or individual attention. Plus, D is going to be two. He won't realize that his birthday is a bit late! :P

7. Growth
The baby's foot is an inch long this week! Crazy! He is growing so fast. He is starting to really kick hard, too. It is fun remembering who I am doing this for.

8. Well-Wishes
Well, I know this is belated, but I sincerely hope that everyone had a beautiful Christmas and New Year's! It is a brand new year, and it has a ton of promise to it!

My Resolutions:

To get into a 2 or a 4 by the end of the year (approximately 30 more pounds from now. Not unreasonable if the HG continues to be this heavy.)

*To start running 5ks or 10ks by the end of the year.

*To start my PhD program.

*To go back to work (teaching online).

*To find a local church I like.

*To be more of the woman and mother GOD wants me to be, and less selfish and materialistic.

*To have at least one girl's night (dinner, maybe a movie, nothing too late or with alcohol or anything) with the closest ladies in my life at least once every other month (Robyn, you are totally invited should you ever want to make the drive.) No kid talk, work talk or hubby talk allowed! Of course, the baby will have to come until old enough to go that long between feedings, but hey- Logan won't talk yet.

What are yours?

Light

17 more weeks left... at least there is an end in sight. 17 weeks. Four months, one week.