Those landscapers have their work cut out for them- those leaves go EVERYWHERE!!! :) Fun stuff!
(Thanks, Stephanee, for letting me borrow it! It made the yardwork much easier!)
Also some pics of my handsome boys...
Saturday, February 28, 2009
Fun Stuff
I got to use a leaf blower! WOW!
Those landscapers have their work cut out for them- those leaves go EVERYWHERE!!! :) Fun stuff!
(Thanks, Stephanee, for letting me borrow it! It made the yardwork much easier!)
Also some pics of my handsome boys...
Those landscapers have their work cut out for them- those leaves go EVERYWHERE!!! :) Fun stuff!
(Thanks, Stephanee, for letting me borrow it! It made the yardwork much easier!)
Also some pics of my handsome boys...
Friday, February 27, 2009
Jealous
Can I just admit to some trivial jealousy for a second?
I live in the middle of a very quiet street. The neighbors don't talk- primarily, I am sure, because we are a community of renters so there really is neither the time nor the incentive to develop lasting relationships.
However, this year has been different for the houses on the cul-de-sac down the street.
Every evening, their children ride their bikes, play with chalk and each other in the streets in the fine weather while the adults sit out in lawn chairs talking. I hear their laughter drift through my open windows. They threw a multi-house yard sale last weekend, too.
I am so jealous! I want that kind of relationship with my neighbors, but it would be weird because:
1. My child is not old enough to play with their children.
2. My house is too far away to be part of the "group."
3. They are playing outside right when Joe gets home from work, and we have family time and dinner.
It is impractical.
Of course, I am assuming a lot of things- that they get along, that there are no friendly (or not-so-friendly) politics, that they loan each other gardening equipment and recipes, maybe even babysitting time, and have some sort of bond. I mean, I guess I assume that they are the neighbors out of the movies.
I know this is probably completely untrue... but in my mind, they are.
I realize this has nothing to do with them and everything to do with my growing isolation: everyone in my immediate social circle have had babies within the last few weeks, tying them to the house, I am in between degree programs, and honestly the HG has been acting up leaving me too tired and nauseated to leave the house. Ugh.
This, too, shall pass...
Soon, Logan will be here and my program will start and I will feel overwhelmed. However, for the time being, I still look down the street at their assumed camaraderie with just a little bit of a jealous pang in my stomach.
I live in the middle of a very quiet street. The neighbors don't talk- primarily, I am sure, because we are a community of renters so there really is neither the time nor the incentive to develop lasting relationships.
However, this year has been different for the houses on the cul-de-sac down the street.
Every evening, their children ride their bikes, play with chalk and each other in the streets in the fine weather while the adults sit out in lawn chairs talking. I hear their laughter drift through my open windows. They threw a multi-house yard sale last weekend, too.
I am so jealous! I want that kind of relationship with my neighbors, but it would be weird because:
1. My child is not old enough to play with their children.
2. My house is too far away to be part of the "group."
3. They are playing outside right when Joe gets home from work, and we have family time and dinner.
It is impractical.
Of course, I am assuming a lot of things- that they get along, that there are no friendly (or not-so-friendly) politics, that they loan each other gardening equipment and recipes, maybe even babysitting time, and have some sort of bond. I mean, I guess I assume that they are the neighbors out of the movies.
I know this is probably completely untrue... but in my mind, they are.
I realize this has nothing to do with them and everything to do with my growing isolation: everyone in my immediate social circle have had babies within the last few weeks, tying them to the house, I am in between degree programs, and honestly the HG has been acting up leaving me too tired and nauseated to leave the house. Ugh.
This, too, shall pass...
Soon, Logan will be here and my program will start and I will feel overwhelmed. However, for the time being, I still look down the street at their assumed camaraderie with just a little bit of a jealous pang in my stomach.
Anticipated Letter!
Yeah, I am so excited! I was feeling really intellectually under stimulated without school... which poses a new problem... I mean, I can't stay in school forever, right? It has only been a few weeks and I am going crazy! At least this buys me a few more years before I have to deal with that. I am not sure that SAHM-hood is really a long-term solution for me...
Thursday, February 26, 2009
I love this phase.
Consistent "Thank you's."
Cleaning up after himself.
Oh, please don't let this phase fade away!
Cleaning up after himself.
Oh, please don't let this phase fade away!
I blame his father.
Burp.
"Oops. I burp."
"Yes, baby, that was a burp. What do you say?"
"That funny!"
groan.
"Oops. I burp."
"Yes, baby, that was a burp. What do you say?"
"That funny!"
groan.
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
On the lighter side...
We bought Daegan an ice cream cake and had a nice birthday party for him. It all worked out...
For some giggles (sit on a towel, I had to, just in case...) check out failblog.org.
Happy laughing! :)
For some giggles (sit on a towel, I had to, just in case...) check out failblog.org.
Happy laughing! :)
Monday, February 23, 2009
One or Many?
I just saw the cat on the back porch playing with a scorpion. Seriously. Ew, ick, dangerous- this really sucks.
So now I am wondering- is it possibly a stray? I have never seen them anywhere around us- in the yard, in the house, no where.
A while back (as some of you may no doubt remember) we had a mouse in the house. No more mice, just the one. When he left that was it...
So, I am wondering: do I call in the armed forces and pay hundreds on extermination services or wait until I see one more to make sure that it is a necessary expense? It is possible the cat literally brought it in, or that it wandered in from the golf course due to the recent rain.
Ugh. We do not have the money for this right now, but they are so dangerous for Daegan.
ETA: After a night of nightmares about infestations, stings and crazy-intellegent stingers, I have come up with a plan. This weekend, we are buying a portable blacklight and sweeping the yard and house with it. If we see any other scorpions, we will call the exterminator immediately. If not, then we will assume the cat brought it off the golf course as a "gift."
This way we don't incur unnecessary expenses for panic-reasons and can still ensure the kids are safe in our house. I have been reading about how painful and dangerous their stings are to small children, and I really, really want to protect the boys as much as possible.
ETA, A: Ok, I cannot live with the possibility of these prehistoric little critters that long. I just called the exterminator for bi-monthly services.
So now I am wondering- is it possibly a stray? I have never seen them anywhere around us- in the yard, in the house, no where.
A while back (as some of you may no doubt remember) we had a mouse in the house. No more mice, just the one. When he left that was it...
So, I am wondering: do I call in the armed forces and pay hundreds on extermination services or wait until I see one more to make sure that it is a necessary expense? It is possible the cat literally brought it in, or that it wandered in from the golf course due to the recent rain.
Ugh. We do not have the money for this right now, but they are so dangerous for Daegan.
ETA: After a night of nightmares about infestations, stings and crazy-intellegent stingers, I have come up with a plan. This weekend, we are buying a portable blacklight and sweeping the yard and house with it. If we see any other scorpions, we will call the exterminator immediately. If not, then we will assume the cat brought it off the golf course as a "gift."
This way we don't incur unnecessary expenses for panic-reasons and can still ensure the kids are safe in our house. I have been reading about how painful and dangerous their stings are to small children, and I really, really want to protect the boys as much as possible.
ETA, A: Ok, I cannot live with the possibility of these prehistoric little critters that long. I just called the exterminator for bi-monthly services.
Helping Julie
Hi!
I am trying to help her out a bit during this transition. Here is what is needed:
1. Breastmilk storage bags, if you have any hanging around that you are not going to use. (No longer needed, thanks!)
2. Preemie clothes, boy or gender-neutral.
3. If you are local, talk to me about helping her out with meals- her husband does not get any time off, and she has a toddler the same age as Daegan.
4. Prayers as always! :)
If you can think of anything else you would want/need if you were in her place, please let me know.
Thanks!!
I am trying to help her out a bit during this transition. Here is what is needed:
1. Breastmilk storage bags, if you have any hanging around that you are not going to use. (No longer needed, thanks!)
2. Preemie clothes, boy or gender-neutral.
3. If you are local, talk to me about helping her out with meals- her husband does not get any time off, and she has a toddler the same age as Daegan.
4. Prayers as always! :)
If you can think of anything else you would want/need if you were in her place, please let me know.
Thanks!!
Saturday, February 21, 2009
Prayer Request
Julie did not spontaneously go into labor. They were forced to induce her because she had a complication that threatened the life of her baby, Hunter. Basically, for some reason, her amniotic fluid kept dropping and got dangerously low, and later she had a placental abruption. She was 36 weeks and 4 days. Almost one week further along than I was with Daegan.
Hunter was born before his lungs could produce what she described as a protein needed for breathing, and which I suspect was surfactant. Now, he has to stay in the NICU until he can learn how to breath. The doctors assure us that he will be fine in the long run, it is just a bumpy start.
If you can spare them, please send some prayers to Julie- this has been a very long, very high-risk, very emotionally draining pregnancy and she has very little emotional strength left by this point. Thaddeus, her son (2), could use some prayers for adjustment and shielding from the stress of this crisis. Thad (her husband) could use prayers for strength as well, and that his work alleviates some of his duties so he can deal with this issue first.
It is so scary seeing this happen- I mean, Daegan was even earlier than Hunter. I feel so blessed and so lucky not to have had any serious complications due to his prematurity. Please, pray for this family- they could really use the support.
Hunter was born before his lungs could produce what she described as a protein needed for breathing, and which I suspect was surfactant. Now, he has to stay in the NICU until he can learn how to breath. The doctors assure us that he will be fine in the long run, it is just a bumpy start.
If you can spare them, please send some prayers to Julie- this has been a very long, very high-risk, very emotionally draining pregnancy and she has very little emotional strength left by this point. Thaddeus, her son (2), could use some prayers for adjustment and shielding from the stress of this crisis. Thad (her husband) could use prayers for strength as well, and that his work alleviates some of his duties so he can deal with this issue first.
It is so scary seeing this happen- I mean, Daegan was even earlier than Hunter. I feel so blessed and so lucky not to have had any serious complications due to his prematurity. Please, pray for this family- they could really use the support.
Silence
I love a good party- the kind where you are surrounded by love, acceptance and laughter.
The party went really well- only a few people could make it (10), but it was perfectly intimate because of the smaller crowd.
However, despite how much I love the company of family and friends, there is something to be said for the moment we are in right now- the moment when everyone leaves and the kiddos go down for a nap.
Silence after roaring din.
My ears still echo from the noise, and this moment is like the house takes a moment to breath before jumping back into the chaos of daily life.
I look around at the cleanup that is pending, and think, "Ah, it can wait for an hour. Let's enjoy the quiet first."
In just another short hour or two, the rush begins again- cleanup, toddlers, tantrums, dinner, bath, bedtime...
Julie has to hurry up and give birth or she won't be getting Thaddeus back (:P). He and Daegan have sort of settled into an easy routine now, and it feels like having twins. It is lovely.
The party went really well- only a few people could make it (10), but it was perfectly intimate because of the smaller crowd.
However, despite how much I love the company of family and friends, there is something to be said for the moment we are in right now- the moment when everyone leaves and the kiddos go down for a nap.
Silence after roaring din.
My ears still echo from the noise, and this moment is like the house takes a moment to breath before jumping back into the chaos of daily life.
I look around at the cleanup that is pending, and think, "Ah, it can wait for an hour. Let's enjoy the quiet first."
In just another short hour or two, the rush begins again- cleanup, toddlers, tantrums, dinner, bath, bedtime...
Julie has to hurry up and give birth or she won't be getting Thaddeus back (:P). He and Daegan have sort of settled into an easy routine now, and it feels like having twins. It is lovely.
Friday, February 20, 2009
NOTICE: BDAY PARTY AND SHOWER
DUE TO JULIE'S LABOR, THE BABY SHOWER HAS BEEN MERGED WITH THE BIRTHDAY PARTY.
There will be only ONE party, my house, 10am tomorrow.
If you are coming, please note that the entrance to Rancho El Dorado (my neighborhood) is closed. PLEASE RSVP if you have not already so I can make sure we have enough food! :) Thanks!
The alternative route:
Continue on the 347.
Turn Right on Smith-Enke.
Turn Left on Santa Rosa (right across the street from a GIANT sign that says Province)
Turn Right on Rancho El Dorado Parkway
Turn Left on Van Loo
Turn Left on Little
I am at 42341.
I will try to have signs posted to minimize lost drivers.
There will be only ONE party, my house, 10am tomorrow.
If you are coming, please note that the entrance to Rancho El Dorado (my neighborhood) is closed. PLEASE RSVP if you have not already so I can make sure we have enough food! :) Thanks!
The alternative route:
Continue on the 347.
Turn Right on Smith-Enke.
Turn Left on Santa Rosa (right across the street from a GIANT sign that says Province)
Turn Right on Rancho El Dorado Parkway
Turn Left on Van Loo
Turn Left on Little
I am at 42341.
I will try to have signs posted to minimize lost drivers.
LABOR!!!
Both Julie and Kim are in Labor! Please pray for safe and quick deliveries!
This does mean I have to throw my own baby shower though... If I had more notice, I would just combine the two parties, but it is too late now. Daegan's birthday party is tomorrow and the shower is on Sunday.
If you are coming to the shower, bring food! :)
This does mean I have to throw my own baby shower though... If I had more notice, I would just combine the two parties, but it is too late now. Daegan's birthday party is tomorrow and the shower is on Sunday.
If you are coming to the shower, bring food! :)
Thursday, February 19, 2009
The Diaper Bag is Done! :)
Ok, so here you go:
1. NOT my choice of fabrics- these are what she wanted!
2. This is a closed outside view of it
http://s141.photobucket.com/albums/r52/klsavell/?action=view¤t=IMG_8736.jpg
3. My Fancy xboxes for the straps (wrap-style, to be worn over carriers if needed) and D-rings
http://s141.photobucket.com/albums/r52/klsavell/?action=view¤t=IMG_8737.jpg
4. The inside: four deep pockets front and back, two side pockets for sippies, bottles or waterbottles.
http://s141.photobucket.com/albums/r52/klsavell/?action=view¤t=IMG_8738.jpg
5. Matching wipees and diapers carrier:
http://s141.photobucket.com/albums/r52/klsavell/?action=view¤t=IMG_8739.jpg
6. Compact toddler-sized changing sheet with pillow
http://s141.photobucket.com/albums/r52/klsavell/?action=view¤t=IMG_8740.jpg
http://s141.photobucket.com/albums/r52/klsavell/?action=view¤t=IMG_8741.jpg
http://s141.photobucket.com/albums/r52/klsavell/?action=view¤t=IMG_8742.jpg
7: The outside brown handle is designed to either tuck the flap into to close the bag, or you can hang a folded wrap or sling over it.
http://s141.photobucket.com/albums/r52/klsavell/?action=view¤t=IMG_8743.jpg
8. It is the width/length of an unfolded priority mail box but fits all that I listed above, plus has all this space:
http://s141.photobucket.com/albums/r52/klsavell/?action=view¤t=IMG_8744.jpg
I know it is not perfect, but what do you think?
1. NOT my choice of fabrics- these are what she wanted!
2. This is a closed outside view of it
http://s141.photobucket.com/albums/r52/klsavell/?action=view¤t=IMG_8736.jpg
3. My Fancy xboxes for the straps (wrap-style, to be worn over carriers if needed) and D-rings
http://s141.photobucket.com/albums/r52/klsavell/?action=view¤t=IMG_8737.jpg
4. The inside: four deep pockets front and back, two side pockets for sippies, bottles or waterbottles.
http://s141.photobucket.com/albums/r52/klsavell/?action=view¤t=IMG_8738.jpg
5. Matching wipees and diapers carrier:
http://s141.photobucket.com/albums/r52/klsavell/?action=view¤t=IMG_8739.jpg
6. Compact toddler-sized changing sheet with pillow
http://s141.photobucket.com/albums/r52/klsavell/?action=view¤t=IMG_8740.jpg
http://s141.photobucket.com/albums/r52/klsavell/?action=view¤t=IMG_8741.jpg
http://s141.photobucket.com/albums/r52/klsavell/?action=view¤t=IMG_8742.jpg
7: The outside brown handle is designed to either tuck the flap into to close the bag, or you can hang a folded wrap or sling over it.
http://s141.photobucket.com/albums/r52/klsavell/?action=view¤t=IMG_8743.jpg
8. It is the width/length of an unfolded priority mail box but fits all that I listed above, plus has all this space:
http://s141.photobucket.com/albums/r52/klsavell/?action=view¤t=IMG_8744.jpg
I know it is not perfect, but what do you think?
Jumbles
Ok, to be honest, I have been busy but have nothing and everything to write about right now. We have been getting the house ready for Daegan's bday party on Saturday, getting baby stuff ready for Logan, and I have been sewing a diaper bag for Julie, Joe is injured...
Ok, sooo, I apparently sew like I cook. I can't make the same thing twice. I suck. She wanted a diaper bag just like mine, but for some reason the planning part of it did not fan out. I cut all the pieces out just like I should have, but sewed them together in the wrong order. Now, her bag will have NO external pockets. That sucks. However, I have managed to include interfacing to make it stiff (yeah, my first time using it!!) and have avoided all birds-nests of thread. It looks pretty good. Now, I have to do the lining, the pockets, the straps, and the accessories and we are done! So, to say it short- I can make functional items that people can use and that will last, but could never sell the work because it is just so AMATEUR. Oh well. I warned her...
Joe hurt his leg over the course of a couple 10+ mile runs, so he is half out of commission. I have to hand it to him, though- he is taking it like a man and still helping out quite a bit around the house. I feel badly for him, he is in a ton of pain. He has a doc's appt today, so hopefully we can find out what is wrong. Selfishly, a very evil, very small part of me is happy to see him take a break from running (NOT because he is injured, just the break part) because it is SO HARD for me to hear about that day in and day out when I not only cannot work out but have the incredible changing body.
It is really tough to look in the mirror sometimes and not criticize myself. I have not gained any weight yet (which is pretty darn good for 26 weeks!), but not working out plus the pregnancy have made my body a lot less toned, a lot more maternal than it was. My hips have spread because the bones and ligaments moved, which make me look more like a 12/14 than a 6/8. I am fighting it really hard, though. I mean, I am pregnant. I cannot be both that and a world-class athlete right now.
I am getting silly excited for my shower on Sunday, but Julie (my good friend who is hosting it at her house) is 37 weeks along and has been having regular, strong contractions. Now, I don't know what happens if she goes into labor. I guess the easiest answer is to just throw my own party at my house, same day same time, but then it won't be girls only because Joe and Daegan will be there. Oh well, plans will be amended if needed. Ugh! I am so excited for her to have that baby, but am selfishly praying for her to wait until Monday. Is that terrible of me? Joe thinks it is.
Joe and I still have not put our XMas stuff away. It is all sitting on the floor of our spare room, pending packing. Out of sight, out of mind. However, that door will have to be open during Daegan's party because that is the window that we open for airflow in the house. It is just not going to get put away before the party, so I will just have to hang my head in shame at the messy, cluttered room of procrastination. I am hoping that the people who come love us enough not to care, considering how sick I had been up until the beginning of this month.
Speaking of, I am doing really well. The HG is still there, I still feel it and deal with it on a daily basis, but it is like a mosquito bite now. It itches, but I don't have to scratch it all the time. In fact, it is only bad when I am tired or over hungry- so pretty much every single night (ugh, I am so exhausted all the time. And starving!) I still have to take all the medicine, but can take it in oral form when I want to, instead of on a schedule (kinda like you take Tylenol- only when you have a headache). I can eat all day long, and actually like to, but the foods are still select- no spaghetti or citrus for me until Logan comes out!
I guess that is all. I feel a little overwhelmed by it all right now, but am working really hard on trying to care less verses work harder. That means that the house will not be spotless before the party, but it will be clean. I may not be in shape now, but I can work on accepting this new form as a form of beauty, at least temporarily. The diaper bag will not look store-bought, but it will make her happy because it is custom. If the party has to move, that is ok- but no one gets to eat because my food budget went to Daegan's party.
Hopefully I will have time for more thoughtful and worldly posts later on- this is just a little snapshot into my life for now...
Ok, sooo, I apparently sew like I cook. I can't make the same thing twice. I suck. She wanted a diaper bag just like mine, but for some reason the planning part of it did not fan out. I cut all the pieces out just like I should have, but sewed them together in the wrong order. Now, her bag will have NO external pockets. That sucks. However, I have managed to include interfacing to make it stiff (yeah, my first time using it!!) and have avoided all birds-nests of thread. It looks pretty good. Now, I have to do the lining, the pockets, the straps, and the accessories and we are done! So, to say it short- I can make functional items that people can use and that will last, but could never sell the work because it is just so AMATEUR. Oh well. I warned her...
Joe hurt his leg over the course of a couple 10+ mile runs, so he is half out of commission. I have to hand it to him, though- he is taking it like a man and still helping out quite a bit around the house. I feel badly for him, he is in a ton of pain. He has a doc's appt today, so hopefully we can find out what is wrong. Selfishly, a very evil, very small part of me is happy to see him take a break from running (NOT because he is injured, just the break part) because it is SO HARD for me to hear about that day in and day out when I not only cannot work out but have the incredible changing body.
It is really tough to look in the mirror sometimes and not criticize myself. I have not gained any weight yet (which is pretty darn good for 26 weeks!), but not working out plus the pregnancy have made my body a lot less toned, a lot more maternal than it was. My hips have spread because the bones and ligaments moved, which make me look more like a 12/14 than a 6/8. I am fighting it really hard, though. I mean, I am pregnant. I cannot be both that and a world-class athlete right now.
I am getting silly excited for my shower on Sunday, but Julie (my good friend who is hosting it at her house) is 37 weeks along and has been having regular, strong contractions. Now, I don't know what happens if she goes into labor. I guess the easiest answer is to just throw my own party at my house, same day same time, but then it won't be girls only because Joe and Daegan will be there. Oh well, plans will be amended if needed. Ugh! I am so excited for her to have that baby, but am selfishly praying for her to wait until Monday. Is that terrible of me? Joe thinks it is.
Joe and I still have not put our XMas stuff away. It is all sitting on the floor of our spare room, pending packing. Out of sight, out of mind. However, that door will have to be open during Daegan's party because that is the window that we open for airflow in the house. It is just not going to get put away before the party, so I will just have to hang my head in shame at the messy, cluttered room of procrastination. I am hoping that the people who come love us enough not to care, considering how sick I had been up until the beginning of this month.
Speaking of, I am doing really well. The HG is still there, I still feel it and deal with it on a daily basis, but it is like a mosquito bite now. It itches, but I don't have to scratch it all the time. In fact, it is only bad when I am tired or over hungry- so pretty much every single night (ugh, I am so exhausted all the time. And starving!) I still have to take all the medicine, but can take it in oral form when I want to, instead of on a schedule (kinda like you take Tylenol- only when you have a headache). I can eat all day long, and actually like to, but the foods are still select- no spaghetti or citrus for me until Logan comes out!
I guess that is all. I feel a little overwhelmed by it all right now, but am working really hard on trying to care less verses work harder. That means that the house will not be spotless before the party, but it will be clean. I may not be in shape now, but I can work on accepting this new form as a form of beauty, at least temporarily. The diaper bag will not look store-bought, but it will make her happy because it is custom. If the party has to move, that is ok- but no one gets to eat because my food budget went to Daegan's party.
Hopefully I will have time for more thoughtful and worldly posts later on- this is just a little snapshot into my life for now...
Want a Bikini Body?
Next time you stare longingly at the bikini section of Target this spring, just remember- put one of those on, you may just become an inanimate object (literally) to men around you! This is scary.
***
Men View Bikini-Clad Women as Objects- Literally
Article retrieved here.
Sexy women in bikinis really do inspire some men to see them as objects, according to a new study of male behavior.
Brain scans revealed that when men are shown pictures of scantily clad women, the region of the brain associated with tool use lights up.
Men were also more likely to associate images of sexualized women with first-person action verbs such as "I push, I grasp, I handle," said lead researcher Susan Fiske, a psychologist at Princeton University.
And in a "shocking" finding, Fiske noted, some of the men studied showed no activity in the part of the brain that usually responds when a person ponders another's intentions.
This means that these men see women "as sexually inviting, but they are not thinking about their minds," Fiske said. "The lack of activation in this social cognition area is really odd, because it hardly ever happens."
Dehumanizing
Fiske and colleagues asked 21 heterosexual male volunteers to first take a test that scores people based on different types of sexist attitudes. The subjects were then shown pictures of both skimpily dressed and fully clothed men and women.
Most of the men best remembered headless photographs of women in bikinis, even if they'd only seen the image for two-tenths of a second, Fiske reported this weekend in Chicago during the annual meeting of the American Association for the Advancement of Science.
And the men who scored higher as "hostile sexists"—those who view women as controlling and invaders of male space—didn't show brain activity that indicates they saw the women in bikinis as humans with thoughts and intentions.
Scientists have seen this absence of activation only once before, in a study where people were shown off-putting photographs of homeless people and drug addicts.
(Related: "Sex-Based Roles Gave Modern Humans an Edge, Study Says.")
If a similar study were done with women, Fiske told National Geographic News, it would be hard to predict whether a woman shown a scantily clad male body would dehumanize him in the same way.
Evolutionary psychologists have proposed that women tend to look for mates who have wealth and power, so some of Fiske's colleagues have suggested running a similar test where women are shown pictures of men next to expensive cars or other affluent symbols.
But Fiske doesn't think such an experiment would work the same way, because women usually react to men they desire by "interpreting their minds, thinking about what they're interested in, and then trying to please them," she said.
***
Men View Bikini-Clad Women as Objects- Literally
Article retrieved here.
Sexy women in bikinis really do inspire some men to see them as objects, according to a new study of male behavior.
Brain scans revealed that when men are shown pictures of scantily clad women, the region of the brain associated with tool use lights up.
Men were also more likely to associate images of sexualized women with first-person action verbs such as "I push, I grasp, I handle," said lead researcher Susan Fiske, a psychologist at Princeton University.
And in a "shocking" finding, Fiske noted, some of the men studied showed no activity in the part of the brain that usually responds when a person ponders another's intentions.
This means that these men see women "as sexually inviting, but they are not thinking about their minds," Fiske said. "The lack of activation in this social cognition area is really odd, because it hardly ever happens."
Dehumanizing
Fiske and colleagues asked 21 heterosexual male volunteers to first take a test that scores people based on different types of sexist attitudes. The subjects were then shown pictures of both skimpily dressed and fully clothed men and women.
Most of the men best remembered headless photographs of women in bikinis, even if they'd only seen the image for two-tenths of a second, Fiske reported this weekend in Chicago during the annual meeting of the American Association for the Advancement of Science.
And the men who scored higher as "hostile sexists"—those who view women as controlling and invaders of male space—didn't show brain activity that indicates they saw the women in bikinis as humans with thoughts and intentions.
Scientists have seen this absence of activation only once before, in a study where people were shown off-putting photographs of homeless people and drug addicts.
(Related: "Sex-Based Roles Gave Modern Humans an Edge, Study Says.")
If a similar study were done with women, Fiske told National Geographic News, it would be hard to predict whether a woman shown a scantily clad male body would dehumanize him in the same way.
Evolutionary psychologists have proposed that women tend to look for mates who have wealth and power, so some of Fiske's colleagues have suggested running a similar test where women are shown pictures of men next to expensive cars or other affluent symbols.
But Fiske doesn't think such an experiment would work the same way, because women usually react to men they desire by "interpreting their minds, thinking about what they're interested in, and then trying to please them," she said.
Sunday, February 15, 2009
Frustration
I am REALLY frustrated at my church right now. I won't go into specifics, but let's just say that they are getting greedy and I am worried that their sermons are money-led and not spirit-led.
I was actually told that unless one tithes ABOVE AND BEYOND the 10% tithe EVERY WEEK, preferably more than 23%, then they obviously don't have real faith or love for Christ, and nothing without the tithe is anything but lip service.
WHAT?!? Ugh. It is a message like that that makes non-believers skeptical of religion.
The problem is that D. just LOVES their kids program. I left early today to watch him in the toddler room, and they were so caring, inclusive and WONDERFUL with the little ones that I don't want to stop bringing him.
What should I do? Pass off this sermon series as a miss and give them another chance, or try to find another church? We have gone 8 weeks now, and the sermons have not been terrible but not quite as inspiring as those of Cornerstone (which we stopped attending b/c of the 45 minute each way drive).
What are the odds that Daegan will be equally happy in a new setting?
It is so heartbreaking!
I was actually told that unless one tithes ABOVE AND BEYOND the 10% tithe EVERY WEEK, preferably more than 23%, then they obviously don't have real faith or love for Christ, and nothing without the tithe is anything but lip service.
WHAT?!? Ugh. It is a message like that that makes non-believers skeptical of religion.
The problem is that D. just LOVES their kids program. I left early today to watch him in the toddler room, and they were so caring, inclusive and WONDERFUL with the little ones that I don't want to stop bringing him.
What should I do? Pass off this sermon series as a miss and give them another chance, or try to find another church? We have gone 8 weeks now, and the sermons have not been terrible but not quite as inspiring as those of Cornerstone (which we stopped attending b/c of the 45 minute each way drive).
What are the odds that Daegan will be equally happy in a new setting?
It is so heartbreaking!
V-DAY
When I went to ASU, the Woman's Studies girls always put on a performance of the Vagina Monologues on Valentine's Day in honor of V-Day, a reminder to stop the violence against women in our society (you can look it up on V-Day.org).
I never got to go.
Now, it has been 10 years, 10 VDays, and I still have never gone. Valentine's Day is an annual reminder of my failure to follow an interest, to pursue a whim, for a decade. With each passing year, and with each additional move from college life, it gets even less likely that I will ever go.
Should I suck it up and go next year (by myself, since NO ONE EVER wants to go with me), or should I just mourn it and get over it?
:( It seems like a part of me dies each year that I don't go, for some reason. I really cannot explain it.
I never got to go.
Now, it has been 10 years, 10 VDays, and I still have never gone. Valentine's Day is an annual reminder of my failure to follow an interest, to pursue a whim, for a decade. With each passing year, and with each additional move from college life, it gets even less likely that I will ever go.
Should I suck it up and go next year (by myself, since NO ONE EVER wants to go with me), or should I just mourn it and get over it?
:( It seems like a part of me dies each year that I don't go, for some reason. I really cannot explain it.
Is Romance Dead?
Today is a multiple-thought, multiple post day. Just warning you.
In honor of Valentine's Day.
I have to admit, I am not one for romance. I know, as a member of the female gender, I am supposed to melt over red roses, soft piano music and candlelit dinners.
Instead, those things often make my stomach turn!! Seriously, if Joe ever brought me home a teddy bear with a heart-shaped pillow between its paws that reads "I love you" in white, scripted letters, I may just kick him out of the house. How sappy.
I love flowers and gardens- many of you who are close to me know that I am obsessed with them- but a dozen roses are just an anxious count-down to the inevitable stinky water, falling petals and dead $30 investment in an impermanent gesture. Seriously, I would prefer to use the $30 on a pedicure, thank you.
Candle-lit dinners are great- but I would prefer somewhere with comfortable settings and nice service.
Honestly, I guess I just am not a romantic. Or, I just think of it differently than most seem to.
The top ten most romantic things on my list are:
1. Freshly mopped and swept floors.
2. Uninterrupted sleep until 7am.
3. Time for a hot bath.
4. Remembering "my time" (7:16) every evening.
5. A fresh jug of strawberry bubble bath.
6. Time snuggling with the family before bed every night.
7. Making dinner for us.
8. Driving everywhere and remembering to open the door for me. (Somewhat traditional).
9... dunno... you get the idea.
What are your top 10 most romantic ideals?
In honor of Valentine's Day.
I have to admit, I am not one for romance. I know, as a member of the female gender, I am supposed to melt over red roses, soft piano music and candlelit dinners.
Instead, those things often make my stomach turn!! Seriously, if Joe ever brought me home a teddy bear with a heart-shaped pillow between its paws that reads "I love you" in white, scripted letters, I may just kick him out of the house. How sappy.
I love flowers and gardens- many of you who are close to me know that I am obsessed with them- but a dozen roses are just an anxious count-down to the inevitable stinky water, falling petals and dead $30 investment in an impermanent gesture. Seriously, I would prefer to use the $30 on a pedicure, thank you.
Candle-lit dinners are great- but I would prefer somewhere with comfortable settings and nice service.
Honestly, I guess I just am not a romantic. Or, I just think of it differently than most seem to.
The top ten most romantic things on my list are:
1. Freshly mopped and swept floors.
2. Uninterrupted sleep until 7am.
3. Time for a hot bath.
4. Remembering "my time" (7:16) every evening.
5. A fresh jug of strawberry bubble bath.
6. Time snuggling with the family before bed every night.
7. Making dinner for us.
8. Driving everywhere and remembering to open the door for me. (Somewhat traditional).
9... dunno... you get the idea.
What are your top 10 most romantic ideals?
Toddlerwearing
So, Daegan has re-embraced being worn with a brand new passion!
On Friday, I had a fellow Maricopan over to pet and discuss fluffies (translation: try on and fondle carriers, to the non-wearing crowd). She had a 13(?) month old who really loved being worn, and was hopping from carrier to carrier. Daegan apparently loved seeing all his old carriers at once, in a giant pile of cloth and buckles on the floor, because he insisted on being worn in all of them that afternoon.
Ever since, he keeps digging them out, bringing them to me and saying, "Up! Up!" I have worn him in the mall, to church, around the store, around the house, everywhere. He loves it more than he did as a baby- playing with my hair, giving me kisses on the cheeks, hugging me, kicking his legs, and talking to me.
I love it because it is so much easier to carry him on my back than it is to run after him in a crowded public place, especially in my awkwardly-shaped, ill-balanced condition. He interacts with me 200% more, he picks up new words more quickly when worn, and he is generally a much happier child on my back.
It is also an amazing insta-solution for the public tantrum. The moment it starts, I swing him up onto my back and he stops. Immediately. It is awesome!
Plus, can I just say that belly + carrier + calm, collected and interactive toddler makes me feel (and possibly look) like Supermom? Yeah, baby!
Now I am getting a little worried, though- if he is this possessive over his carriers now, what will he be like when Logan is in them all the time? I just know this may be a battle we will have to fight, and I will end up wearing both of them whenever we are out in public.
Tandem wearing is fun, but it can be a real workout- infant on front, toddler on back. I used to do it when the daycare was open, and people would look at my empty stroller (holding my purse, diaper bag and drink) like I was insane! '
Who cares what they think in the end- for right now, I just love wearing D again. It is so nice to hear his little voice in my ear whispering, "I love you, too, mommy" whenever we are out and about. I am so glad I have supportive enough carriers to wear him for a few more years, if needed.
On Friday, I had a fellow Maricopan over to pet and discuss fluffies (translation: try on and fondle carriers, to the non-wearing crowd). She had a 13(?) month old who really loved being worn, and was hopping from carrier to carrier. Daegan apparently loved seeing all his old carriers at once, in a giant pile of cloth and buckles on the floor, because he insisted on being worn in all of them that afternoon.
Ever since, he keeps digging them out, bringing them to me and saying, "Up! Up!" I have worn him in the mall, to church, around the store, around the house, everywhere. He loves it more than he did as a baby- playing with my hair, giving me kisses on the cheeks, hugging me, kicking his legs, and talking to me.
I love it because it is so much easier to carry him on my back than it is to run after him in a crowded public place, especially in my awkwardly-shaped, ill-balanced condition. He interacts with me 200% more, he picks up new words more quickly when worn, and he is generally a much happier child on my back.
It is also an amazing insta-solution for the public tantrum. The moment it starts, I swing him up onto my back and he stops. Immediately. It is awesome!
Plus, can I just say that belly + carrier + calm, collected and interactive toddler makes me feel (and possibly look) like Supermom? Yeah, baby!
Now I am getting a little worried, though- if he is this possessive over his carriers now, what will he be like when Logan is in them all the time? I just know this may be a battle we will have to fight, and I will end up wearing both of them whenever we are out in public.
Tandem wearing is fun, but it can be a real workout- infant on front, toddler on back. I used to do it when the daycare was open, and people would look at my empty stroller (holding my purse, diaper bag and drink) like I was insane! '
Who cares what they think in the end- for right now, I just love wearing D again. It is so nice to hear his little voice in my ear whispering, "I love you, too, mommy" whenever we are out and about. I am so glad I have supportive enough carriers to wear him for a few more years, if needed.
Clone-a-Boogey
I found 72 of them for $8 on the Oriental Trading Co. website, so I snatched them up! Boogey is no longer under pressure to be a durable toy! Yeah!!
Friday, February 13, 2009
Waste! Grr!
On the other side of the world, people are dying daily due to medical issues that are quite easily treated over here. Something that would not even keep us home from work tears families apart over there. Access to medicine is a huge issue, even for the Good Samaritan doctors that go over there to help.
Today, I had to participate in this horrible injustice. It makes me furious and sick to my stomach.
I had nearly $6000 in Zofran, IV materials and pump supplies that I had to literally pour down our drain. I tried desperately not to, but they expired within a week or two. I called churches looking for missionary projects that could use it, hospitals, vets, everyone. I could not freecycle it because transferring prescriptions is illegal. I could not get it to the people who needed it!
What was I supposed to do? Fed Ex it to "Sick Pregnant Woman, Africa" ? Grrr. Even the Pregnancy Crisis Centers or Family Planning Clinics would not take it.
So, I reluctantly opened each syringe, and poured it down the drain.
There are some sick moments in our lives, and this one was just absolutely horrible. Someone in my very neighborhood may miscarry due to untreated HG, or a cancer patient may have serious malnutrition due to radiation treatments, and be unable to afford the medicine to treat it. I had a ton of medicine, cold, sterile, and I had to dump it. It makes me very sad, and very angry.
Ugh.
Today, I had to participate in this horrible injustice. It makes me furious and sick to my stomach.
I had nearly $6000 in Zofran, IV materials and pump supplies that I had to literally pour down our drain. I tried desperately not to, but they expired within a week or two. I called churches looking for missionary projects that could use it, hospitals, vets, everyone. I could not freecycle it because transferring prescriptions is illegal. I could not get it to the people who needed it!
What was I supposed to do? Fed Ex it to "Sick Pregnant Woman, Africa" ? Grrr. Even the Pregnancy Crisis Centers or Family Planning Clinics would not take it.
So, I reluctantly opened each syringe, and poured it down the drain.
There are some sick moments in our lives, and this one was just absolutely horrible. Someone in my very neighborhood may miscarry due to untreated HG, or a cancer patient may have serious malnutrition due to radiation treatments, and be unable to afford the medicine to treat it. I had a ton of medicine, cold, sterile, and I had to dump it. It makes me very sad, and very angry.
Ugh.
CousCous a'la Baby
Not to distract from my Boogey delimma, but I wanted to share this before I forget again...
Liked this shot.
Setting: My FAVORITE Middle Eastern Cafe!
Time: Lunch
I think this was at 24 weeks. I am 25 weeks now.
Poor Boogey!
Meet Boogey.
He is (was) one of those sticky lizards that usually come out of a gumball machine with a long tail.
Daegan "won" him by doing a reading contest through the library. The first night home, as he was endlessly amused by this silly lizard sticking to the wall, I made the mistake of saying:
"He looks like a giant blue booger."
Daegan started calling him "Boogey" from that moment on.
Since then, Boogey has become sort of a comfort object for D. Go figure, he would attach to a non-durable toy!
Each time one of his legs would fall off or his tail would shorten, we went through a whole new heartbreak.
"Oh no! Boogey! No, Boogey! Hand, Boogey!"
Boogey even gives everyone goodnight kisses every night before bed. Seriously.
Now, Boogey should be called "Stump" for as you can see, he is little more than a disheveled and dirty amputee. He has a giant hole in his side, too, that makes farty noises when you press on it.
So, now we have to deal with the dreaded inevitable: what happens when Boogey decidedly disintegrates into goo and fur and dust? At what point does Boogey go bye-bye?
After my pleaded appeals at the library, our beloved librarian gave me Boogey2 to delay that eventual moment. She bought me a week or so more before Boogey is no longer.
So, do I try to make him disappear when he is done and let D think he lost him? Do we have a funeral? Or, do I search desperately for a place online to buy blue sticky lizards in bulk so that his comfort item is always within reach?
I never thought a worthless, non-durable toy would be so valuable!
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
The Fall
Well, it was inevitable, I suppose. The nurses warn me every single week to watch out for falls, but I always thought they were being a little overcautious. Well, turns out that they were not.
I was going over the baby gate from my office to the hall, and somehow the weight in front just seemed to swing me around just like a pendulum. I fell over the baby gate with quite a bit of speed. It is funny how time slows down mid-fall- giving me time to somehow kick my leg over Daegan (who was standing directly in front of me) so I don't hit him and turn at the same time so I did not land on my belly.
I hurt my leg and ankle pretty badly too. It really, really was terribly painful. I took the baby gate down with me in a twisted, tangled mess of plastic and skin. Now, I can feel it in every muscle in that leg. I hope it heals alright tomorrow. I am sure nothing serious is wrong, so don't fret.
The worst part, though, was the look on Daegan's face. He was terrified! He ran over and wrapped his little arms around my neck screaming, "Oh No! Oh No! Mama Owie!" I felt so badly for him, and tried not to show the pain even though my leg was on fire.
What a perceptive and empathetic little man! He stayed on my lap for about half an hour while I put ice on my ankle before finally un-velcro-ing and moving on with his evening play.
I just keep replaying it in my head- it probably only took a fraction of a second, but I still was able to protect both of the kiddos. Funny, self-protection never even occurred to me... instinct is such a powerful force, isn't it? Time actually seems to crawl while small adjustments are made for safety, and all of it happens without cognitive thought to what should happen...
I was going over the baby gate from my office to the hall, and somehow the weight in front just seemed to swing me around just like a pendulum. I fell over the baby gate with quite a bit of speed. It is funny how time slows down mid-fall- giving me time to somehow kick my leg over Daegan (who was standing directly in front of me) so I don't hit him and turn at the same time so I did not land on my belly.
I hurt my leg and ankle pretty badly too. It really, really was terribly painful. I took the baby gate down with me in a twisted, tangled mess of plastic and skin. Now, I can feel it in every muscle in that leg. I hope it heals alright tomorrow. I am sure nothing serious is wrong, so don't fret.
The worst part, though, was the look on Daegan's face. He was terrified! He ran over and wrapped his little arms around my neck screaming, "Oh No! Oh No! Mama Owie!" I felt so badly for him, and tried not to show the pain even though my leg was on fire.
What a perceptive and empathetic little man! He stayed on my lap for about half an hour while I put ice on my ankle before finally un-velcro-ing and moving on with his evening play.
I just keep replaying it in my head- it probably only took a fraction of a second, but I still was able to protect both of the kiddos. Funny, self-protection never even occurred to me... instinct is such a powerful force, isn't it? Time actually seems to crawl while small adjustments are made for safety, and all of it happens without cognitive thought to what should happen...
Monday, February 9, 2009
Trial Period #2
My nurse just told me to take the Zofran pump off again... I was at such a low dose that oral meds would have been a higher amount! ;) Wish me luck- I am SO TIRED of being tied to that thing!
Thursday, February 5, 2009
Added Thought
I wonder if there is a male version of the Princess Myth (let's call it the Prince Myth)? It would be helpful to know, parenting two boys... hmmm...
To the mamas of girls out there, you have quite the job in front of you!
To the mamas of girls out there, you have quite the job in front of you!
Velveteen Principles
I checked out The Velveteen Principles for Women at the library that I am just loving it!
It is an easy read, which is relaxing next to a rigorous study bible and devotional that I am working through.
Written by a psychoanalyst, the author breaks down the principles illustrated in The Velveteen Rabbit (a classic children's storybook for those of you unfamiliar with the title) and compares them to how women view themselves in society today. She is what I would like to call a "soft feminist," meaning that she is familiar with the ideals of feminism but really dismisses most of the advocacy in lieu of just critically analysing how cultural expectations of women corrode our self confidence.
In the book, she begins by describing the "perfect" woman- super well-groomed, intelligent (but not too intelligent), compassionate, trendy, cool, put-together, calm, always prepared, sexy, available but not available, etc.
Ok, I had to stop reading there. In college, I was super-aware of my feminist ideals, but have somewhat abandoned them for the comfortable life as a suburban stay-at-home-mom (understanding, of course, that they were non-exclusive, and both could have been maintained). I still consider myself a feminist of sorts because I have chosen my life. I don't feel pressured into it by some picture-ideal of the perfect mother, wife, whatever. I just like it.
At the root of it, that was what the feminist movement was all about, anyway. Choice.
However, I constantly feel like I fall short of my own expectations. Somehow, I always strive to be moderately well-groomed, stylish, calm, well-informed, definitely prepared for any and all daily events somehow without carrying the entire house with me, a frugal and savvy shopper, a decent conversationalist, relatively fit and healthy, not a gourmet but a "natural and simple meals" chef, maintain a clean and effortless household and somehow also be a strong example of a Christian mother who is able to demonstrate successfully and effortlessly how Christ can be applicable in the daily life of the modern person.
In reality, I usually am wearing faded, ill-fitting, stained clothes that are being tugged one way or another by the multitude of bags or kiddos that I am carrying at the time, tired, momentarily frazzled, and unable to remember my thoughts halfway through a sentence. My trunk is packed with diapers, wipes, strollers, carriers, extra clothes, pretty much anything we would need if the world suddenly ended and all the grocery stores workers immediately went on strike. In addition, I usually forget the most important of all items I was supposed to not to forget and have to depend on the help of more collected parents than myself to survive the task.
Whenever I get within earshot of anyone who looks semi-interested in any of my thoughts, my thoughts pour out of my mouth in relief for some social interaction, much to the overwhelming of my poor audience. Half of my meals are frozen, and honestly I don't think I am a very good example of a Christian Mother.
Not to mention, I forget birthdays, illnesses, other people's weekly routines, everything because I can barely keep my own head on straight- I am certainly not the considerate person I wish I were, even though I desperately want to be! (If I have asked you more than a few times what it is you do on Wednesdays, please don't be annoyed. I really try, but unless I keep a written calendar of other mothers' schedules I will never remember, and I don't because I think that just may be creepy.)
In all honesty, I am pretty sure that when others see me, they see a MESS.
The gap between the "ideal me" and the "real me" is large, and widening.
Daegan watches WAY more TV than I am comfortable with, our entire house is strewn with toys and cheerios, and honestly I am too tired to change any of that at the moment.
However, in The Velveteen Principles for Women, the author discusses the myth of the perfect woman. My "perfect" and society's "perfect" are different. I neither want nor expect myself to look like Barbie, be rich, live in a fancy house, drive a hummer, and spend my many thoughtless and beautiful days servicing some man who would pay for my every whim and beauty treatment. However, I still have a (dare I call it unachievable?) ideal of what my life should look like.
I wonder: in the transition between a college feminist and a suburban housewife, have I adopted an entirely new anti-feminist view of the perfect woman? I always thought I was safe, because the widely-acknowledged view of the perfect woman was one I could easily dismiss and honestly claim disinterest in. However, what if I am just operating under The Perfect Woman 2.0 Myth: the myth of the "perfect" Christian mother?
Ever since becoming a SAHM, but especially since the HG took much of my vitality, energy and health away, I have struggled with trying to achieve this ideal of perfection. After all, how can I possibly passively evangelize* how GOD works in my life if my life is a chaotic mess?!?
So, now I am at a mental crossroads today: Is this image of perfection that I have maintained really just another "princess myth?" Does the "princess myth" exist in different forms based on your life? Do working women, SAHMs, WAHMs, WOHMs all have different "perfect" ideals?
Either way, I recommend the book for some easy, light reading.
I will leave you with an excerpt, just to motivate you to get in your car and drive to the library!
**
What if you developed your own set of beliefs that defined your purpose in life and allowed yourself to be guided by them instead? The possibilities are almost dizzying.
You could believe . . .
you are beautiful just the way you are.
you already have enough stuff.
you have a right to speak up.
your creative energies deserve an outlet.
you are worthy of love and respect.
no one else can define you.
These are the types of beliefs we can adopt as a starting point on the road to being Real. But they are only examples. In the Real world, there are no one-size-fits-all solutions. Every one of us is born with the right to set aside the strict dictates of the Object Culture, to discover what we believe, and to live according to those beliefs. Of course, we are bound by laws and physical limits. (I won’t ever be a champion figure skater no matter how much I believe I could be.) But beyond these limits lies a truly exciting range of possibilities.
To be Real is to be your complete, whole, idiosyncratic self. It is our purpose in life, and when women understand that it’s possible, they can feel both excited and eager about their own potential. At one talk I gave to discus this idea, a young woman expressed these feelings directly, asking in a near-whisper, “How do I start?”...
If we understand the forces allied against our Real selves and have some basic principles for fighting against them, we can, one by one, wage a sort of Velveteen Revolution. This revolution would transform us with a different, more Realistic set of standards, values, and practices. We can create a new vocabulary of success, and pursue happiness and fulfillment as we define them. We can each make a declaration—I’m Real, and I’m not going to fake it anymore!—that women can rally around.
****
*Earlier, I used the term "passive evangelism." What I meant by that is that I think that evangelism can take more forms than just shouting from street corners and rooftops. Rather, I think, people are more receptive to just seeing an active example of Christianity than being harassed by a stranger. So, by living one's life according to the principles and examples set forth by Jesus, and by demonstrating how powerful a force that can be in every day life, one is essentially evangelizing in the most effective way. Just a quick definition. I did not want to derail my earlier thoughts by explaining myself mid-blog.
It is an easy read, which is relaxing next to a rigorous study bible and devotional that I am working through.
Written by a psychoanalyst, the author breaks down the principles illustrated in The Velveteen Rabbit (a classic children's storybook for those of you unfamiliar with the title) and compares them to how women view themselves in society today. She is what I would like to call a "soft feminist," meaning that she is familiar with the ideals of feminism but really dismisses most of the advocacy in lieu of just critically analysing how cultural expectations of women corrode our self confidence.
In the book, she begins by describing the "perfect" woman- super well-groomed, intelligent (but not too intelligent), compassionate, trendy, cool, put-together, calm, always prepared, sexy, available but not available, etc.
Ok, I had to stop reading there. In college, I was super-aware of my feminist ideals, but have somewhat abandoned them for the comfortable life as a suburban stay-at-home-mom (understanding, of course, that they were non-exclusive, and both could have been maintained). I still consider myself a feminist of sorts because I have chosen my life. I don't feel pressured into it by some picture-ideal of the perfect mother, wife, whatever. I just like it.
At the root of it, that was what the feminist movement was all about, anyway. Choice.
However, I constantly feel like I fall short of my own expectations. Somehow, I always strive to be moderately well-groomed, stylish, calm, well-informed, definitely prepared for any and all daily events somehow without carrying the entire house with me, a frugal and savvy shopper, a decent conversationalist, relatively fit and healthy, not a gourmet but a "natural and simple meals" chef, maintain a clean and effortless household and somehow also be a strong example of a Christian mother who is able to demonstrate successfully and effortlessly how Christ can be applicable in the daily life of the modern person.
In reality, I usually am wearing faded, ill-fitting, stained clothes that are being tugged one way or another by the multitude of bags or kiddos that I am carrying at the time, tired, momentarily frazzled, and unable to remember my thoughts halfway through a sentence. My trunk is packed with diapers, wipes, strollers, carriers, extra clothes, pretty much anything we would need if the world suddenly ended and all the grocery stores workers immediately went on strike. In addition, I usually forget the most important of all items I was supposed to not to forget and have to depend on the help of more collected parents than myself to survive the task.
Whenever I get within earshot of anyone who looks semi-interested in any of my thoughts, my thoughts pour out of my mouth in relief for some social interaction, much to the overwhelming of my poor audience. Half of my meals are frozen, and honestly I don't think I am a very good example of a Christian Mother.
Not to mention, I forget birthdays, illnesses, other people's weekly routines, everything because I can barely keep my own head on straight- I am certainly not the considerate person I wish I were, even though I desperately want to be! (If I have asked you more than a few times what it is you do on Wednesdays, please don't be annoyed. I really try, but unless I keep a written calendar of other mothers' schedules I will never remember, and I don't because I think that just may be creepy.)
In all honesty, I am pretty sure that when others see me, they see a MESS.
The gap between the "ideal me" and the "real me" is large, and widening.
Daegan watches WAY more TV than I am comfortable with, our entire house is strewn with toys and cheerios, and honestly I am too tired to change any of that at the moment.
However, in The Velveteen Principles for Women, the author discusses the myth of the perfect woman. My "perfect" and society's "perfect" are different. I neither want nor expect myself to look like Barbie, be rich, live in a fancy house, drive a hummer, and spend my many thoughtless and beautiful days servicing some man who would pay for my every whim and beauty treatment. However, I still have a (dare I call it unachievable?) ideal of what my life should look like.
I wonder: in the transition between a college feminist and a suburban housewife, have I adopted an entirely new anti-feminist view of the perfect woman? I always thought I was safe, because the widely-acknowledged view of the perfect woman was one I could easily dismiss and honestly claim disinterest in. However, what if I am just operating under The Perfect Woman 2.0 Myth: the myth of the "perfect" Christian mother?
Ever since becoming a SAHM, but especially since the HG took much of my vitality, energy and health away, I have struggled with trying to achieve this ideal of perfection. After all, how can I possibly passively evangelize* how GOD works in my life if my life is a chaotic mess?!?
So, now I am at a mental crossroads today: Is this image of perfection that I have maintained really just another "princess myth?" Does the "princess myth" exist in different forms based on your life? Do working women, SAHMs, WAHMs, WOHMs all have different "perfect" ideals?
Either way, I recommend the book for some easy, light reading.
I will leave you with an excerpt, just to motivate you to get in your car and drive to the library!
**
What if you developed your own set of beliefs that defined your purpose in life and allowed yourself to be guided by them instead? The possibilities are almost dizzying.
You could believe . . .
you are beautiful just the way you are.
you already have enough stuff.
you have a right to speak up.
your creative energies deserve an outlet.
you are worthy of love and respect.
no one else can define you.
These are the types of beliefs we can adopt as a starting point on the road to being Real. But they are only examples. In the Real world, there are no one-size-fits-all solutions. Every one of us is born with the right to set aside the strict dictates of the Object Culture, to discover what we believe, and to live according to those beliefs. Of course, we are bound by laws and physical limits. (I won’t ever be a champion figure skater no matter how much I believe I could be.) But beyond these limits lies a truly exciting range of possibilities.
To be Real is to be your complete, whole, idiosyncratic self. It is our purpose in life, and when women understand that it’s possible, they can feel both excited and eager about their own potential. At one talk I gave to discus this idea, a young woman expressed these feelings directly, asking in a near-whisper, “How do I start?”...
If we understand the forces allied against our Real selves and have some basic principles for fighting against them, we can, one by one, wage a sort of Velveteen Revolution. This revolution would transform us with a different, more Realistic set of standards, values, and practices. We can create a new vocabulary of success, and pursue happiness and fulfillment as we define them. We can each make a declaration—I’m Real, and I’m not going to fake it anymore!—that women can rally around.
****
*Earlier, I used the term "passive evangelism." What I meant by that is that I think that evangelism can take more forms than just shouting from street corners and rooftops. Rather, I think, people are more receptive to just seeing an active example of Christianity than being harassed by a stranger. So, by living one's life according to the principles and examples set forth by Jesus, and by demonstrating how powerful a force that can be in every day life, one is essentially evangelizing in the most effective way. Just a quick definition. I did not want to derail my earlier thoughts by explaining myself mid-blog.
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
WOW! Abundance
I just was contacted through Freecycle, a couple of ladies in the neighborhood were going to donate their maternity clothes. I got a HUGE bag full of clothes that actually fit, look cute, and are pretty darn stylish. The shirts are mostly sleeveless, which tells me they were preggers in the summer, but they should work! I am totally excited! With the three pairs of pants I just bought, that is a whole maternity wardrobe for $50!
Monday, February 2, 2009
SCORE!
I found those exact two pairs of pants I linked to earlier this week on Ebay for $20 each plus combined shipping, saving about $14 per pair! Yeah baby! In addition, I could use my Paypal, so I felt WAY less guilty about it!!!
Starvation
I have to warn you ahead of time- this is going to be a long post. However, I have to organize and articulate these thoughts or I am just going to go crazy spinning them around in my head. You guys are my sounding board, and sometimes my perspective, so PLEASE let me know what your thoughts are if you have any...
I am going to start with a scenario:
There is someone in your social group- be it from work, church, school, whatever- who complains to you about being hungry. So, in an act of kindness, you invite their family over for dinner. Maybe you live humbly and can only add a little extra to your pot to make a few more servings. Maybe you live well and can make a gourmet meal. It takes time, patience, money and resources either way.
They arrive at your house, stating at the door how hungry they are. Then, upon sitting at the table and being served the meal, they look up in disgust.
"I could never eat this. I would rather starve. I am better off with what I can do on my own. Thanks for nothing."
They get up and leave the house, without a thank you, without anything but the conviction that somehow you did not fulfill your end of the bargain.
How would that make you feel? I would certainly feel angry, hurt, dejected, so many things.
Certainly we will face this situation so many times as parents, when our teens are convinced that we are torturing them by offering anything other than pizza, but somehow it seems more severe when it comes from someone who was actually hungry and in need.
So, what got me thinking about this? I was working on a 28-day Devotional and Journaling study we are doing through church, and came across a verse that really resonated with me. It resonated so strongly, in fact, that I re-read it for about twenty minutes.
Philippians 4:11-13 (New International Version)
11I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. 12I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. 13I can do everything through him who gives me strength.
When I read this, I felt GOD whisper to my heart, “You have never gone hungry.”
After some contemplation on the word hunger, I realized it means more than just nutrition.
My first thought was that it was obvious that I had, in fact, gone hungry. I had definitely wanted in my life, and not had “needs” met.
I can remember times in college when I would not eat for days, or times as a child when safety or love seemed completely absent from my life.
How could it be true, then, that HE had never let me go hungry?
After some prayer, the answer became clearer. I had gone hungry only when I refused the meal that had been prepared for me.
The times when I could remember not eating, it was because I was tired of Ramen Noodles or rice. I considered myself unloved or unsafe as a child, yet here I am as a functioning, living adult. GOD had provided. I had just been too snobby to accept what was offered to me.
How many times have I chosen not to eat just because the food provided was not what I wanted?
Then, through more time in prayer, I had another epiphany. It was the times that I said to GOD, “I am better off with what I can do on my own,” that have led to the stressors and troubles in my life.
I was in need of maternity clothes, and HE provided three large garbage bags full of them- for FREE- and I turned them away because they were too worn or did not fit right. As a result of that decision, I now am stuck with one pair of good maternity jeans. One pair. I have to wash them every day until we can afford some more. I had said, “I am better off with what I can do on my own.”
It is the culmination of 100 small independent decisions that has led to a vast majority of the stress in my life. Certainly that is true for anyone today, especially when those decisions are motivated by status items or indicators of success.
How much more money would I have now if I had eaten the Ramen in lieu of charging pizza or if I had worn the maternity clothes instead of buying new ones? How much more time would I have if I did not fill it with some of the useless tasks I do every day to appear socially kept and together? (Seriously, I know I spend too much time worrying about how clean my house is. I would have hours of time each week if I left the floors alone for just a few short days. Or, how about time spent managing tiresome and draining relationships?)
The stress and discomfort in my life have occurred because I chose to leave GOD’s table.
Isn’t that shameful? Isn’t it awful to picture anyone refusing a gift? Yet, in that exact same way, we do it every single day to the most important of influences in our life. We bite the hand that feeds us.
So, now that you can see how these thoughts emerged and developed, here is the kicker:
I got to thinking about the issues in my life that I am struggling with because I have decided that I would rather starve than be satisfied with what GOD has provided.
Then, it hit me. I honestly believe that Daegan and Logan were purposefully sent to live in this time, in this location, and with us as parents. I honestly believe that these are all little threads in GOD’s larger plan. He has provided them with everything they need to fulfill their purpose in his plan.
However, if I believe that, then I have to believe that I, too, was purposefully sent to my parents, in this time, in this location.
So, by walking away from the relationship with my mother, have I essentially left GOD’s table again? Am I saying, “Hey, thanks for trying, but I would rather starve?” I really don’t know.
Then, as an extension on earlier thoughts, am I ready to really to possibly reduce my standard of living to be completely dependent on what GOD provides (acknowledging, of course, that it could just as easily be just the opposite)? Am I willing to accept a return of the Ramen days? What does living within his provision really look like? Is it more of a gamble to sit at the table or to walk away?
Ok, that is all. Hopefully this stirred something in someone else, because I just thought it was an amazingly overwhelming idea to cope with all at once. Again, I really am interested in hearing what you have to say- be it religious, secular, social, funny, anything.
Until then, hopefully further enlightenment will come with more prayer.
I am going to start with a scenario:
There is someone in your social group- be it from work, church, school, whatever- who complains to you about being hungry. So, in an act of kindness, you invite their family over for dinner. Maybe you live humbly and can only add a little extra to your pot to make a few more servings. Maybe you live well and can make a gourmet meal. It takes time, patience, money and resources either way.
They arrive at your house, stating at the door how hungry they are. Then, upon sitting at the table and being served the meal, they look up in disgust.
"I could never eat this. I would rather starve. I am better off with what I can do on my own. Thanks for nothing."
They get up and leave the house, without a thank you, without anything but the conviction that somehow you did not fulfill your end of the bargain.
How would that make you feel? I would certainly feel angry, hurt, dejected, so many things.
Certainly we will face this situation so many times as parents, when our teens are convinced that we are torturing them by offering anything other than pizza, but somehow it seems more severe when it comes from someone who was actually hungry and in need.
So, what got me thinking about this? I was working on a 28-day Devotional and Journaling study we are doing through church, and came across a verse that really resonated with me. It resonated so strongly, in fact, that I re-read it for about twenty minutes.
Philippians 4:11-13 (New International Version)
11I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. 12I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. 13I can do everything through him who gives me strength.
When I read this, I felt GOD whisper to my heart, “You have never gone hungry.”
After some contemplation on the word hunger, I realized it means more than just nutrition.
My first thought was that it was obvious that I had, in fact, gone hungry. I had definitely wanted in my life, and not had “needs” met.
I can remember times in college when I would not eat for days, or times as a child when safety or love seemed completely absent from my life.
How could it be true, then, that HE had never let me go hungry?
After some prayer, the answer became clearer. I had gone hungry only when I refused the meal that had been prepared for me.
The times when I could remember not eating, it was because I was tired of Ramen Noodles or rice. I considered myself unloved or unsafe as a child, yet here I am as a functioning, living adult. GOD had provided. I had just been too snobby to accept what was offered to me.
How many times have I chosen not to eat just because the food provided was not what I wanted?
Then, through more time in prayer, I had another epiphany. It was the times that I said to GOD, “I am better off with what I can do on my own,” that have led to the stressors and troubles in my life.
I was in need of maternity clothes, and HE provided three large garbage bags full of them- for FREE- and I turned them away because they were too worn or did not fit right. As a result of that decision, I now am stuck with one pair of good maternity jeans. One pair. I have to wash them every day until we can afford some more. I had said, “I am better off with what I can do on my own.”
It is the culmination of 100 small independent decisions that has led to a vast majority of the stress in my life. Certainly that is true for anyone today, especially when those decisions are motivated by status items or indicators of success.
How much more money would I have now if I had eaten the Ramen in lieu of charging pizza or if I had worn the maternity clothes instead of buying new ones? How much more time would I have if I did not fill it with some of the useless tasks I do every day to appear socially kept and together? (Seriously, I know I spend too much time worrying about how clean my house is. I would have hours of time each week if I left the floors alone for just a few short days. Or, how about time spent managing tiresome and draining relationships?)
The stress and discomfort in my life have occurred because I chose to leave GOD’s table.
Isn’t that shameful? Isn’t it awful to picture anyone refusing a gift? Yet, in that exact same way, we do it every single day to the most important of influences in our life. We bite the hand that feeds us.
So, now that you can see how these thoughts emerged and developed, here is the kicker:
I got to thinking about the issues in my life that I am struggling with because I have decided that I would rather starve than be satisfied with what GOD has provided.
Then, it hit me. I honestly believe that Daegan and Logan were purposefully sent to live in this time, in this location, and with us as parents. I honestly believe that these are all little threads in GOD’s larger plan. He has provided them with everything they need to fulfill their purpose in his plan.
However, if I believe that, then I have to believe that I, too, was purposefully sent to my parents, in this time, in this location.
So, by walking away from the relationship with my mother, have I essentially left GOD’s table again? Am I saying, “Hey, thanks for trying, but I would rather starve?” I really don’t know.
Then, as an extension on earlier thoughts, am I ready to really to possibly reduce my standard of living to be completely dependent on what GOD provides (acknowledging, of course, that it could just as easily be just the opposite)? Am I willing to accept a return of the Ramen days? What does living within his provision really look like? Is it more of a gamble to sit at the table or to walk away?
Ok, that is all. Hopefully this stirred something in someone else, because I just thought it was an amazingly overwhelming idea to cope with all at once. Again, I really am interested in hearing what you have to say- be it religious, secular, social, funny, anything.
Until then, hopefully further enlightenment will come with more prayer.
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