Under Construction

My life should have giant, yellow tape wrapped around it with big, bold black letters that scream "Under Construction!"

The nursery is not ready- it is in pieces. Daegan's room is not completed. I am in the middle of a class. I am in the middle of getting some financial aid certified (to help with initial baby related expenses, don't shoot me!) Logan is a complete little human being, but still not ready to greet the world. Everything is pending.

This fact has had me frustrated for several weeks- feeling the end of the pregnancy rushing up on me while I look around and realize that nothing is done. In the back of my mind, I always justified that I still have 6-9 more weeks before Logan comes- and that it will all get done.

That is, until about 11am yesterday when I got that horrible, sudden instinct to run into the bathroom and grab a pad. Girls, you know the feeling. The heavy cramp with a side of sharp, shooting pain that usually accompanies the beginning of one's monthly joy.

Instead, I recognized it as a contraction. I laid down, I drank a ton of water, and waited. They came heavy and swift, and were all so very uncomfortable. The big ones were about 10-12 minutes apart, but even between peaks my uterus was fidgety and sore. I tried taking a nap.

When Joe got home, I was waking up, but the contractions were still there. Reliable and steady. Not to mention scary.

We quickly got Daegan ready and dropped him off at my wonderful sister's house, then went to the hospital.

They tracked the contractions for a while, gave me a shot of steroids to help the baby's lungs mature in case we could not stop them, and gave me some terbutaline to help the actual contractions. It seemed to work... for about an hour. Just long enough for them to have sent me home.

By the time I went to bed, they were reliable, steady and horrible... but since they had given me some test to see if I would go into labor within the next two weeks (which came back negative), I was not sure if it was ok to continue contracting.

This morning, my nurse came for my weekly progesterone shot. She told me to get my fanny back to the hospital. I was monitored again, all morning. The contractions, for some reason, were not showing up on the monitor, so they decided I must just have an irritable uterus.

It has now been 29 hours, and it is still quite "irritable." In fact, from time to time, I would say that it is pretty pissed.

My time on my feet and of busy-ness is past. Now, I need to lay down and try not to have a baby for another 9 weeks.

"Under Construction." Hmmm. Last week, I would have been telling you that I was huge, uncomfortable and ready. Now, in the last 29 hours, that has changed. Now, he feels so small, so fragile, so not ready to meet the world.

Please, help me pray. Help me pray for Logan. Help me pray he continues on baking. Help me pray that everything "Under Construction" is completed before time runs out. Help me pray for patience, faith, trust and the ability to ask for help. Most of all, please help me pray "Thanks" for all the wonderful access to medical care we have these days, for having access to one of the best Children's Hospitals and NICUs in the world, for knowing that if he is born it will be a have the very best team of people working to make his life all it can be.

Rip Chord

Many years ago, when I was still firmly beset in the awkward stages of pimples and hormones (and dare I say it- when menstruation was still novel), my family took a trip to Las Vegas, Nevada- the city of sin.

In the center of this city is a hotel called the MGM Grand, which back in those days had an amusement park located behind it. The esteemed piece of this amusement park was a gigantic arch that was several hundred feet high.

We stood in line, my stepfather Rick and I, and awaited our turn to test our emotional and adrenaline-fueled limits. They strapped us into a harness that was not too unlike those used for parachuting. They hooked us up to each other first, and then to the cable. Then, the rigging pulled tight, and we were lifted up to the top of the arch, doomed to watch the ground slowly fade away from us and doomed to know there was only one way down.

At the top of the arch, the wind was fast and cold. What had looked tall from the bottom now felt impossibly and dangerously high altitude. The rest of the family waved jovially from the ground, although the recognition of their smiles was mostly guesswork on my part from that distance. They appeared to have shrunk to about a half an inch tall.

The torture began. Rick asked me if I wanted to pull the rip chord or if I wanted him to. Knowing I could never loosen the bolt which secured me all so steadily to the top of this windy location, I told him he would have to do it... at that point, destiny was sealed and I waited my doom.

The seconds ticked by tortuously slowly and yet frighteningly quickly, and with each one my stomach tightened even more. Knowing I could not stop the inevitable, I just had to be brave- I mean, death was not an option and neither was there a way to chicken out.

Rick counted down from ten, my stomach churning with each new number. Not entirely trusting him not to pull the chord early and unexpectedly, the closer we got to 1, the more fearful I became.

The moment came, and faithfully, he ripped the chord. Our bodies plummeted several hundred feet in a complete and unabaited free fall before the chord caught us again, swinging us like a giant pendulum to the opposing side of the rigging. My stomach disappeared and then reappeared like a bowling ball tucked inside so few layers of delicate skin.

Eventually, our momentum slowed and we dismounted. My knees were jelly and I had a fleeting, crazy thought that I wanted to do it again. Adrenaline ruled my senses as I relived every moment.

However, the most fear-inducing moments for me were not the moments I was falling or the gentle glide through the air at 80 miles per hour. The most fearful time for me was before the rip chord was pulled, during the countdown.

Last night, Joe reminded me that I am now at 31 weeks in my pregnancy. I have been hoisted into the air, watching my reality shrink with every ascending foot. The only thing I can do now is fall- Logan is going to come, one way or another. I don't know if the count will last until 40 this time. Anytime after 36 is new territory for me- Daegan came at 35.5 weeks.

Will the rip chord be pulled early? Every week past 30 makes me feel closer to the inevitable- time speeding by too quickly yet passing much too slowly. I am excited for him to come, and terrified for the lifestyle changes it will bring (the great unknown). With each passing week, I am more aware of just how much sleep I get each night, how much time I get to spend snuggling Daegan, and how much I have to do before Logan gets here.

As Joe flipped our pregnancy calendar yesterday, my stomach tightened too similarly to the way it had tightened so many years ago. There is only one way down, and only God has the rip chord in hand. We are officially in the countdown now.

30 weeks signaled to me the beginning of the end. 31 weeks reminds me that the count progresses regardless of how much I do or don't get done. 34 weeks will be a good landmark- the chances of Logan's success increase at 34 weeks. 35 weeks and I will be more pregnant than I have ever been. After that, I just have to close my eyes and expect the free fall... and know that by the end I will be glowing in adrenaline. Again.

Chopsticks

I am so proud.

My little man, at 25 months of age, ate sushi, sashimi and rice today... with chopsticks.

Yup, he can barely use a fork half the time, but he was picking up the rice and fish like a pro!!

Oh, and did I mention he ate? Maybe I need to stop battling with him over chicken nuggets and just get him some spicy tuna and raw salmon?

Answer: Because he is two

Oh, the answer to so many of my questions today.

Today's featured question:

Why did I just have to spend 10 minutes prying a red crayon out of my printer?

Yesterday's question:

Why is there a graham cracker in my pillowcase?

Oh, the randomness of it all!

Fist Fight

Ugh.

I had a real learning experience today... and Daegan had his first fist fight.

We were at the library storytime this morning and Daegan likes to sit in the middle of the rug to listen to the stories and play with the props. The mothers circling the rug were three or four deep, and I was on the very outside (I am 30.5 weeks pregnant- I was just not fast enough to secure a spot on the inner circle).

A boy came up and ripped a toy out of Daegan's hand. His response?

A CLOSED FIST PUNCH TO THE KID'S FACE!!!

I ran around the circle, trying to break up what quickly became a brawl with a much older child (Daegan, again, is 2y- this kid was easily 3 or 4). They were rolling on the floor, kicking, biting, punching!!!! I could not get inside the circle to intervene!

The other mother broke it up and laughed it off despite my fervent apologies, citing that her child should not have snagged the toy. By the time I was able to get to Daegan, I was almost in tears- appalled, shocked, mortified, embarassed....

The worst part was that it was about 3 or 4 minutes after the fight had broken up that I was able to reprimand him- too late to have any real impact. He had moved on. (It was so long because he was inside the circle, and I had to convince him to walk outside of the circle to come to me... it was too, too crowded for me to be able to get into the circle...)

This was his first time at a storytime for pre-K and toddlers (2-4 in lieu of infant-2), and it was so crowded... he just freaked out! After the fight, he was terrible! Pulling books off shelves, running away from me, taking toys out of the librarian's hand... The only way I could get him to behave was to put him in a carrier on my back.

I should have been closer to him to help him navigate the social interaction with the older boy, or we should have left.

I should have put him in time-out right after the fight (I didn't, fearing too much time had passed).

I should have left when he began to act out.

Instead, I just tried and tried to redirect, and he was just done- overwhelmed, overstimulated, everything.

I put him in a position to fail...

Sigh.

Inspirational

Oh, just when I start to lose faith in humanity, something like this comes along. Please, pray that they are persistant through at least a year- that baby is so lucky!!!

http://www.miningjournal.net/page/content.detail/id/524498.html

So beautiful!

Contractions

Ugh. So, in an effort to begin training for the main event (T- 8 or 10 weeks), I went for a slow, waddling walk. 1.5 miles. I ended up having really bad, really painful contractions. Joe had to go get the car. It took about 45 minutes of water and rest when I got home to get them to go away.

I don't get it!!! I did not even push myself. It was WAY more of a stroll than a walk, and it was not that far!!

Rooms

I keep having dreams of finding "lost" rooms in my house full of stuff- stuff I can use, stuff that is junk, just piled to the ceiling. I keep being amazed at what I had found, and that I had "forgotten" about that room all together. A few nights ago, I found several bedrooms and one complete (dusty) nursery. Last night, it was a tiny apartment, complete with a kitchenette, two flat panels and exercise equipment.

Weird. I think it is the nesting.

Peephole

Every Thursday, Joe, Daegan and I celebrate Logan by reading about his development together from my pregnancy calender. Then, we spend time feeling him bump and twist while talking to Daegan about his baby brother.

Yesterday, we asked Daegan, "Where is Logan?"

Instead of getting his usual response of a shrug, he got down on his hands and knees, cupped his little hands around his eyes, and peered right into my belly button!

As Joe and I silently laughed, he started singing, "Logan? Loooooggggaannn???"

Then, he said "knock, knock" as he knocked on my belly.

Hmmm... yup. I would say he is a step closer to "getting it."

Tantrum Tamer

If you are a parent suffering from the TERRIBLE TWO's, have I got a product for you!

It stops all tantrums and whining right in their tracks!

It distracts even the most determined toddler!

It works 100%, each and every time!!!

And to top it all off, it is less than $3 for a 6-month supply!!!

What is this miracle product, you ask?

WASABI!

Oh, yeah, baby!

A little, tiny bit applied to the tongue of a patience-testing toddler will snap him right out of whatever obsession he has entered!


(Sounds a little mean, huh? :P )

Well, today, Daegan was cycling into progressively larger and more dramatic tantrums, so I tried giving him just a little bit of wasabi (I was having some with my dinner). After the initial sinus-clearing shock, he totally cracked up and asked for some more! His face was HILARIOUS! Now, two hours later, he has still not re-entered tantrum mode.

Man, if this stuff did not have to be refrigerated, I would just keep it in the diaper bag!

Happy Parts

I let Daegan be naked for about five minutes tonight before his bath.

After a few moments of quiet play beside the bed, he stands up to get into the bath and I see that he has covered his penis in pink smiley face stickers!! Seriously- he fit six or seven on his little toddler-sized package!

He stood up, proudly, and pranced to the bath... only to reveal that his butt was also polka-dotted with stickers!

Things I thought I would never see...

Sexy Vampires...

Ok, so... imagine this: you see a picture of an of-age playmate dressed up like a (sexy) little girl for the purposes of selling a product.

If you are anything like me, this would immediately get your feathers ruffled in thoughts about promoting the sexualization of children and leading down dangerous, dark pathways towards promoting child abuse and exploitation, right?

Now, picture that it is an of-age boy being sexualized as a teenage character. Somehow that does not seem so offensive- or does it?

I was recently reading some fan threads about Edward and Bella (Stephanie Meyer's creations in the Twilight series), and saw that more than just a few adult women were lusting over Edward.

To be honest, a few of his pictures have caught my eyes too, and I am amazed at how different he looks in that movie than he did in Harry Potter. I personally would not call him sexy, but I could see how other women would.

Stephanie went out of her way to remove as much of the eroticism from her vampire fiction as she could- to keep it clean for the younger readers. Her vampires, at least the dominant central characters, are "vegetarians," only eating animals. They live "normal" lives with humans. To even underline the point further, she even had Edward refuse to have sex with Bella until after they were married.

However, can one really extract the sex from a mythology that has been built around sex for centuries, both in literature and in films? Was the sex as removed from the movie as Stephanie would have wanted, or were those well-cut abs plastered across the screen to draw in both teenage girls and lonely housewives across the country?

Vampires are erotic fiction, no matter how you cut it. So, then, does this by nature make Edward more attractive as a vampire than he was as an overachieving Hufflepuff?

Does lusting over Edward constitute the same faux pas committed by dirty old men looking at women dressed as little girls?

I am not sure, really, but I have been noodling over it all evening. Is this yet another double-standard, or is it somehow completely different? What makes it more acceptable?

Emotionally Drained

I am working on an assignment for class right now where I had to interview someone who had lost a child. The person who had volunteered is someone I knew pretty well via online, but that I had never discussed this particular issue with. Her poor LO was born sleeping at term. I am absolutely impressed at her bravery in discussing this.

However, I have to admit that I cannot deal with this subject as objectively as I would like to. Maybe it is my hormones. Maybe it is because I am a mother, too, and could not imagine having Daegan taken from me. Maybe it is because I am really, really pregnant, full of life and expectation, and it is hard to deal with normal anxieties on top of real-world examples of the worst happening, even at term.

I feel so selfish for being emotionally overwhelmed by this assignment- how dare I feel drained?!? My son is healthy inside of my tummy, my other son is currently sticky with granola sap and contentedly watching "Monster's Inc." My pain and turmoil over going through this assignment is NOTHING next to her pain in having lost a child.

Not to mention that yesterday we caught up on our TV viewing, and there were five or six episodes dealing with a child's misfortune or death. I love the shows, but right now just cannot watch it.

I keep facing the horrible truth that it could happen to me, to Joe, to Logan, to Daegan. One day, things can change. It only takes a split second. One moment of hesitation. One second of inattention.

However, we cannot live our lives hyper aware. At some point, we just have to trust that no matter what we do as parents, GOD has his own plans for us. We cannot (should not) fight that.

I am so tired right now, emotionally, from battling feeling selfish with feeling terrified and empathetic... I just need to get through this assignment so I can start to distance myself from the reality of child loss. The sooner the better...

But, then again, rushing won't pay the right amount of respect to the lost child or to the grieving mother, so part of me wants to do a really thorough job...

Can we add to this that I have been really more stressed out, I think, by the prematurity of Hunter (Julie's little boy). How sick he was, staying in the NICU, he was further along than Daegan was!!! We got so lucky with Daegan. Now, I just worry and worry that something is going to go wrong with Logan, something in those last few weeks.

This isn't something that "sometimes happens to some stranger." This is something that happens to real people. In my life. Right now.

I just pray and pray every day that Logan is healthy and born strong and on time... please, pray with me. Apparently, it is a miracle whenever any child is born alive and thriving.

Academics and life sometimes hit WAY too close to home.

Yard Sale Score!!!

Today's treasure hunt results were pretty darn exciting:

4 framed and matted Classic Pooh art prints, retails for about $35 each.

4 three-piece new Carter's pajama sets (shirt, pants, shorts), new: retails for about $12-15 each

1 Pair of maternity carpi's, like new: retail value $18-$25, depending on where you bought them

2 Pair new with tags cargo shorts for Daegan, retail value $7-$15 (NWT means I saw the price! :P)

1 working toddler sized Hoover Vacuum, used and missing parts, but would retail for about $28 I am guessing.

1 13" color TV- retail value unknown and irrelevant- I have to freecycle it b/c it is one of those ones that won't take cable or VCR hookups :(

Total retail value: $256-275
Total spent: $23
Savings: $233-252!

Also, this week (or was it last week?) I found a pair of brand-spanking-new-with-tags Motherhood Maternity Secret fit belly Jeans ($48, as the tag said) at a Goodwill for $4. Savings: $44.

Total savings in the last two weeks: $277- $296

If a penny saved is a penny earned, I am earning my keep lately! In a way, I love this depressed economy- I am getting some killer deals!!

Monsters, Inc: Kidnapping Developmentally Delayed Children?!?

Ok, so Daegan was driving me nuts watching and re-watching Surf's Up!, so I switched his movie to another Pixar Classic, Monsters, Inc.

For the record, I love Monsters, Inc. It is a really cute movie. That being said, for some reason I was watching it through different eyes yesterday and thought that there was a very dark theme to the movie.

First of all, you have to love the irony of the monster in the closet being scared of human children. However, they still make their living out of traumatizing small children, and the plot leads the viewer to follow an eventual kidnapping of a little girl named Boo. That is a little dark.

Add on to that the fact that I am pretty sure that Boo is either an artistically brilliant two and a half year old with speech delays or a six year old with serious issues in both physical and intellectual development.

Here is the data:

Her language development is about where Daegan was at 18 months. She can label items, but does not communicate in complete thoughts or sentences.

Her physical proportions and coordination are about equivalent to those of a two-and-a-half year old.

She is completely potty trained, including flushing and wiping unassisted.

She seems to understand complex schema in her world- age range: 2-3.

She follows instructions really well- age range 3-4.

Her pictures, shown both on the walls of her bedroom and in a particularly colorful rendition of herself with Kitty, are very well-developed. I have only seen artwork this specific between the ages of 5-6.

So, I have to conclude that she is either a two to three year old with language delays and some seriously advanced artistic talent (including the mastery of fine motor movement), or she is an older child (5-6) with much more serious issues.

Either way, I think that kidnapping in a Pixar movie is probably not a family-oriented theme... and kidnapping a special child such as Boo is even more heinous.

I still love the movie, and Daegan is obsessed. I wonder if this warrants a letter of complaint to Pixar, though, for ethical reasons?

This review, if you have not noticed, is completely tongue-in-cheek and should not lead you to boycott Pixar. There are plenty of other valid reasons to do that. :)

Heartbeats

Today, we had our 28 week OB exam- nothing special: pee in a cup, measure fundal height, hear the heartbeat. It was all normal and healthy! :)

It was funny, though, because when the doctor asked me to bare my belly, Daegan starts winding up.

"Baby brother!"

"Baby brother!"

"Logan brother!"

Then, as if I were not paying attention to him, he grabbed my hand insistently.

"Mom! Baby brother!!!"
"I know, baby, Logan is in there."
"Yeah. Little Logan."

The room filled with the sound of Logan's heartbeat.

"Oh wow!! Hi Logan! Hi!!!! Hi Logan!!! Hi Baby Brother!!! Mama, mama, that Logan!!"

*sniff* What a sweetheart.

Rawness

When I gave birth to Daegan, I am pretty sure that he took a part of my soul with him. The remaining edge is raw and fresh still- two years later. Sometimes, when I hear stories about children being lost, hurt, sick or taken advantage of, that edge just bleeds.

The other day, I was thinking (as I should not have been) about all the children who had been ripped from their mother's arms and tossed into incinerators during WWII. I started bawling uncontrollably, I could not stop. Daegan came, crawled into my lap and gave me bear hugs and kisses until I calmed down. It took a while, because I was so moved by his empathy, I just could not imagine losing him and kept marveling at what a wonderful person he is.

It just never stops- when I let myself really feel for those mothers as I would feel if it were Daegan, if I let their tears be my tears, then the pain is just too much to bear. How can any human endure such severe torture?

I wonder- when I have Logan, will it happen again? Will I be left with another spiritual wound? Certainly these wounds are functional- they create the bond, the nurturing, the love. They define the family and the relationship.

Will it ever heal? Will I feel just as raw after 18 years as I feel now that he is 2? How is it possible to have a bad relationship with a parent as an adult? Do these feelings scab over? I cannot imagine a day when I will love Daegan any less, be less willing to trade my life for his... but it happens all the time!

I have known someone who failed to bond with her infants- she hates motherhood, she hates her family, she dislikes and resents her children. Did something go wrong? Did her soul not fracture? I don't understand- how did that happen? How is it biologically possible?

With billions of children, how many raw spots must the soul of GOD have? How intensely must he love each of us?

Oh, these stupid hormones. Go hug your children today and tell them how much you love them.

News Briefs

Ok, so I am really tired and have a busy day tomorrow, too... so this is going to come in the form of news briefs! :)

1. Thanks to Megan, I have been completely spoiled and now have bejeweled flowers painted on my big toes and sushi coursing through my blood. Yummm... wasabi! :) Thank you, Megan- you really are the best! That was such a relaxing day!!!

2. I got the most amazing deal thrift shopping on Friday- I found a brand new with tags pair of Motherhood Maternity Secret Fit Belly Jeans for $4! And they fit perfectly!

3. At yard sales on Saturday morning I got a brand new baby quilt for Logan, an unopened box of Lansinoh nursing pads, four complete outfits for Daegan, a hand-knitted hat and booties, a three-piece new with tags preemie outfit for Hunter and several other items that I am not recalling right now- for a grand total of $3.50! If I could do the moonwalk, I would!

4. Daegan has an attitude. Whenever he hears me start to sing or hum, he screams, "NOOOOO! Mama! No sing! No song! No sing song!!! NO NO NO NO NO NO NO..." until I stop. Ouch, baby. Seriously. I am no American Idol, but I would not be the laughing stock of round one either, if you know what I mean! :(

5. Tomorrow is a busy day! I am going to meet some babywearing mama friends at a local attraction in the morning, rush from there to my first of the bi-weekly OB appointments, and then I have to get home to start my very first Master's in Psyche class! :) I am pretty sure it will be a thrilling and exhausting day.

6. I finally met and had a playdate with the previously mentioned cul-de-sac mamas. It turns out that the main house that they all play at is the house where the owner of the preschool I chose for Daegan lives (Greysmark Academy). It is so ironic! Anyway, they all seemed super-sweet and I was impressed to learn that there are four or five different SAHM families on my street with toddlers! I am going to HAVE to be more social!! :P

7. Finally meeting the neighbors has changed the feel of the neighborhood for me- it is funny, we have lived here for four years and somehow now I feel like I am part of a community, you know? It is kind of nice. Hopefully eventually I will get to know them well enough that I won't have to run to the super-crowded grocery store when I am one teaspoon of baking powder away from completing a recipe. They are having a movie blockparty on Friday. Is it silly that I am a little nervous wanting them to like me, since they all already know each other and we are the proverbial "new kids?"

8. Thanks to Stephanee, I scored some super-awesome free-cycle baby bibs for Logan. We never used them with Daegan, we just changed him a million times a day. Also, thanks to Stephanee, I also got a free-cycle bike for Daegan. He has been begging for one, so I can't wait to get it cleaned up for him!!

9. My 12-Grain Peanut Butter cookies (from scratch, just in case you were wondering) are almost done, so I have to go! I will update more later!!

Hugs!

***

ETA: The cookies were a complete flop- they tasted fine, but had a REALLY grainy, dry texture to them. Ugh. Too bad- my dream of high-fiber, high-protein deserts out the window! LOL!

I think that is all...

See what happens when I don't substantively blog for a few days? It all comes pouring out!!

Although, despite the fact that this is my last post made, it will be the first read, so beware- I had a chatty mood today and lots to share! :)

A New Front

So, this post is a warning to those with toddlers: I have encountered a new front on the parenting battleground. Preschool.

It turns out that I walked right into this one- while I knew that not everyone sent their children to preschool, I never anticipated that anyone would have such strong negative opinions about those who do!!! I was SHOCKED!

Disclaimer- I am completely confident and comfortable with my decision to send him to preschool.

The primary arguments against are:

- It is yet another tool of the rich to widen the divide of resources and experiences between privileged children and poor children.

- Since studies fail to prove the long-term impact of preschool, it is nothing more than a daycare where you are sending your children to be raised for you.

- After all, why have children if you are not going to raise them?

- Privileged children tend to have enriched environments at home, so why have preschool? This is, of course, in contrast to the less-privileged homes which are far less enriched.

Yuck. I don't want to get into a class debate with Mr. Mad LowerMiddleClass. Joe and I are not rich. Heck, you guys who read my blog can attest to that. Honestly, odds are that if you quit smoking, drinking, or whatever your vice is (gas for 4-wheel driving, FAST FOOD, going to the movies, etc.) you could also pay the tuition for preschool. Get over yourself. We made a lot of sacrifices to have this in our budget.

Besides, it is TWO HOURS A DAY, TWICE A WEEK! It is not exactly a primary care giving environment!

So, just a warning: beware! It helps to know what people tend to get all disgruntled about before stepping into that conversation, you know?

Kiss My Butt, AMY and Car Trouble

Daegan and I went to the Arizona Museum for Youth yesterday- we met a couple of (new) friends there- Jen and Noelia. We were supposed to meet at the coffee shop across the street. We got there about a half-hour earlier than I anticipated (darn unpredictable morning traffic!) so we hung out for a while, I did some photography while D played.

KISS MY BUTT

Daegan was hopping off of these shallow, broad brick steps (you will see them in the pictures) and he fell on his butt once. Without delay, he walked backward to me (I was squatting to take pictures), bent over, grabbed his ankles sticking his butt in my face, and said, "Mama! Owie!"

Oh, the joys of motherhood. I kissed that diapered butt and he went back to his rowdy play!

AMY (Arizona Museum for Youth)

It was lovely hanging out with Jenn and Noelia- they are both also attachment parenting, extended breastfeeding, babywearing weirdos like me, so it is always wonderful to be around people who think alike. They are also midwives apprentices, which is cool, because they had a completely different take on birthing than I did. I am very much an epidural kind of person, and love the comfort of knowing the Phoenix Children's Hospital is so close by, but to each their own! Jenn, in fact, had just given birth at home on 02/22 and she brought her brand new addition with her for us to oogle. I thought it was admirable that she was out of the house, with her hair and teeth brushed! :P

Here are pics, if you are interested- there are not many...
http://s141.photobucket.com/albums/r52/klsavell/AMY%20MARCH%202009/?albumview=slideshow

CAR TROUBLE

So, on our way home from AMY, I was SO tired. I think it was because I had worn Daegan so much and my fitness level has decreased so much in the last 7 months. Either way, I was talking to Joe on the phone on the way home and I missed my freeway exit (please, don't flame me!) So, on the next exit I tried to turn around only to discover that the exit was on the other side of the road and that I had missed it again (strike 2!) I flipped another u-turn in a Burger King parking lot, hitting the curb on the way out (strike 3! That's it- day is over. I am pulling into a hotel for a nap!!)

I did not think anything of it until I had to break in traffic and my whole car shuddered violently. DANG IT! So, I carefully drove to Sun Devil Auto for a check up (there goes the grocery money! Is one allowed four strikes?!?) Luckily, they checked it out for me for free. It is just a warped brake rotor and is not a safety issue. It just gives me a good massage when I slam on my breaks. We will get it fixed in a few weeks. Grrr.

The 3rd Trimester

Today starts my 28th week! I am finally in the third trimester.

This could not come a day too soon- Logan finally figured out, I think, how to train for the fetal Olympics. He keeps trying to stand up in there or something- it is very uncomfortable! Plus, it makes my tummy get all deformed when he decides he does not want to stay centered. It is funny watching these giant lumps roll from one end of my tummy to the other- funny to watch, uncomfortable to feel.

The HG only rears its ugly head when I am super tired, hungry or when I forget my medicine, so there is not much to complain about there. I am still getting the progesterone shots bright and early every Saturday morning, so that is fun stuff- but it keeps him from coming early, you know?

I also have another OB appt. on Tuesday (the same day I start my 2nd Masters! Yeah!) It seems silly to drive all the way into town for an OB appt when all they do is the exact same thing that the nurses do every single Saturday- listen to the heartbeat, measure growth, check weight and blood pressure, etc. Oh well! I get to do it every two weeks from here on out, so it is just a suck it up situation, you know?

I am getting so excited to have Logan here already! I see all these other newborns and I am ready for my newborn to come home, you know? I am still in the process of putting his room together for him, and all other things nesty. There are still 10-13 more weeks before he comes, so there is plenty of time! :)

Oh, and a HUGE SCORE for us! Daegan is FINALLY sleeping through the night- no nocturnal stirring, no early waking. He goes down between 8 and 9, and wakes up like clockwork at 6:15 am every morning. To those who cringe at 6:15, remember- he was waking up at 3:30-5:00 am every morning. 6:15 feels like a friggin' luxury!

How did we do this, you might ask? I took away his naps (thanks, Kerri, for the suggestion!) I know he is a little young for it, but I allow him to sleep in the car, or if he puts himself down for a nap that is ok, too, as long as it is not longer than 1.5 hours. I just don't intentionally lay him down anymore.

This is a major win, because I was terrified and anxious about nighttime parenting two children at the same time. When he woke up in the middle of the night, he wanted to cuddle tummy-to-tummy back to sleep... but that would hardly work with a newborn in between us either sleeping or nursing! Having him sleep so long, so deeply and so well really works out wonderfully.

HOWEVER, that being said, I miss the naps- they were my time to sleep, too! I am so tired by the end of the day I can hardly move. It feels like I have mono, but only after 2:30pm. Yikes! Oh well, I guess this is what they mean by "you can't have your cake and eat it, too!"

Ok, so that is my update on the pregnancy front. I have plenty more to talk about today, so expect multiple posts! :)

The Shape of a Mother

Affirmation alert!

Check out theshapeofamother.com. It helps to show the world what real women who have had children look like, and is incredibly affirming! :) No Hollywood airbrushing or editing- just moms like you and me. If you have time, click on the link to the right on breasts- it shows tons of pictures of normal women's breasts. You will see that the "ideal" breast practically never happens.

(Thanks, Jen, for recommending the site!!)

Preschool

ETA: I am 99% sure we are going to go with Graysmark Academy- it just fits our family better! :) I feel like we are giving a gift to Daegan- a dense learning and loving environment external from home that he can thrive in independent from us, to help him deal with the stress of having a new brother. I am so excited for him!

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I am in the process of choosing a preschool for Daegan right now that he can attend after Logan is born. If you have any advice, tips, or things to look for, it is very appreciated.

There are three in town. First is TutorTime, and I will not use them. They are too big, and I have not liked the people I knew were employed there.

The next two I have both spoken to the owner and toured. They were sufficiently safe, loving and clean facilities. The prices are equivalent. They would both be T/Th mornings, two to two and a half hours.

Of the remaining two, the first is Greysmark Academy- a private school. Listed below are the primary differences between the two facilities.

Pros
· Starts potty training when I ask them to, not before or after.
· Has a bathroom with tiny toilet and toddler-height hand-washing station in every toddler room.
· The classrooms seem more structured, each day has a routine to it.
· Gets FBI level criminal background checks, above and beyond the DHS requirement.
· Does not have any unsafe playground equipment.
· Is actually a private school, goes up to 8th grade.
· Owner is a certified teacher, and is working on her Clinical Psychology Ph.D.
· 1/8 child to teacher ratio year round.
· Can enroll at any time, when ready.

Cons
· Does not allow 2 year olds to use the gym equipment, even though it is age appropriate.

The second facility is Little U, which comes highly recommended by other mothers.

Pros
· Every room has active play equipment.
· They are putting together a formal indoor gym.
· The children do not stay in the same room for two hours- they rotate through five “themed” rooms- science, art/music, gym, etc.
· They keep the front door locked at all times.
· They are putting together an outdoor gym as well.
· Their summer program can be either two or three days.
· 1/7 child-caregiver ratio during school year, 2/12 during summer.

Cons
· The thermostat was set at 78, so it was uncomfortable in there.
· The owner had bad breath.
· The marketing had spelling errors.
· They only do what is required by the DHS for background checks.
· Must enroll during specific periods.
· No bathrooms in each room.
· Potty training is part of the curriculum, and begins halfway through the school year.
· Does not have bathrooms in each room.

What are your thoughts?