If your boobies make milk, please read!

Today I spoke with a very sweet mama from my church who is adopting a precious little newborn blessing into her family. This child could not know a better home, and it is amazing to see a life course changed forever.

However, this child did not have the most advantageous start in utero, if you know what I mean. They had originally arranged for the birth mother to provide milk for the little one for the first few months, but discovered that due to lifestyle choices on the birth mother's part, that milk is unusable.

They have an amazing support community around them to help them prepare materially and emotionally for this addition... but have had to resign themselves to having to formula feed.

What I would love to do is organize a group of nursing mothers to pump for this little one... I realize that we will never hope to get enough milk for this child to be completely breastfed, but I am praying for enough to help them supplement for at least the first three months.

It sounds weird to say "supplement" with breast milk, doesn't it? However, every single time you pump, you are providing one meal for this child that is not formula. Every time makes a difference, provides immunities, protects the child from so much.

I know that there are a handful of us actively nursing newborns in Maricopa, and that there are even more of us in the greater Phoenix area.

Here is what I am asking for:

Pump as much or as little as you feel comfortable with. Label the bag with the date and your name and then freeze. I will take care of pick ups once a week or every other week- I come into the Phoenix metro area enough as it is.

Please, use your best judgement. If you are on prescription medications or would not breastfeed your own child with that milk, please don't send it. I don't expect any of that to be an issue- so many of you have admirable organic and whole-food diets as it is.

Just comment or email me at KLSavell@aol.com if you are interested in helping.

If you don't live in the area, please pray for this effort- that this small angel gets a good and nurturing belly full of milk every once in a while.

All my love!!

Sleep to Dream

Morning Snuggles

Welcome, Logan!

Logan was born on May 24th, 2009 at 2:48 am after six hours of labor. He was 6 pounds, 9 ounces and 20 inches long. This is his story.

On the morning of May 24th, things felt different. Contrary to how I had been feeling for the past week, I suddenly felt both very serene and very domestic. We went out to breakfast, ran some errands, cleaned the house, bought some fresh flowers, baked banana bread from scratch and got a pretty pedicure all before noon.

Something told me that today was the day, instinctively.

Around 3pm, the contractions started. They were painless and actually felt a little pleasant- like an internal massage. They were regular- about 7 minutes apart, but nothing more than we had been experiencing for weeks.
We snuggled in bed as a family watching Pixar movies and I tried to give Daegan as much personal attention as possible just in case.

At 8:30 pm, we gave up on the contractions progressing into anything significant and went to bed. I was wide awake, listening to my boys snore and enjoying the waves of pressure that continuously lapped at my belly.

All the sudden, it happened. 9:00 at night, and the pain started. It was intense. There was no build up, no graduality. I read a story once where the author described a visit to hell- in the story, hell hounds had torn the author in half over and over again. This pain was what I would imagine being torn in half would feel like. However, since it was only in my lower back and stomach, I was certain that this was not labor.

Certain, that is, until five minutes later, when it happened again. We quickly got packed up, woke up Daegan and put him into the car, and began our drive to the hospital. We dropped Daegan off with Kerri and then completed our long commute into Phoenix. An hour passes excruciatingly slowly when it is divided into five minute increments of torture, and when we got to the hospital I was begging for an epidural. They checked my cervix to find out that I was in transition and I was admitted immediately.

The epidural took about 20 minutes, but it felt like a lifetime. Some of the contractions I was able to get ahead of by breathing and visualization. However, if I missed the early warning that another one was coming, it was impossible for me to regain control of that one and I ended up screaming and sobbing from the pain.

The tone of the night changed when the epidural kicked in. In a pleasant state of numbness, I could once again welcome the contractions- enjoying the waves of pressure instead of being tormented by them.

Four hours passed, and my cervix consistently changed. When we finally reached full dilation, the doctor arrived and told me to begin pushing. I argued a bit, telling her that I did not feel the urge to push yet and that I would let her know when I did. However, she insisted that the epidural was blocking that natural feeling and that it was time- the baby was telling us so through his vitals. So, gently and cautiously I began to push- not too hard, not straining, just a gentle count to ten.

In three pushes, his head emerged. In four, the rest of him was born.

Unlike my previous birth, I was able to watch the action via a mirror. It was amazing to be able to see the crowning, and it was miraculous to see the rest of him come. The entire scene was extremely calm- dim lights, everyone speaking in hushed and reverent tones, and no pain. It was such a gentle birth. He nursed immediately, with a perfect wide latch. It was amazing.

Something that has really caught me off guard is how familiar Logan has seemed to me right away- he looks and smells so much like his brother! I feel like I have known him all my life, like he is a part of me. It is sincerely the biggest blessing I could have asked for- I hope this familiarity also helps Daegan in embracing this new member of the family.

Daegan will get to meet his brother for the first time in a few short hours. There will be more updates to come, but for now I am off to baby moon. I wish you all the best, and cannot wait for everyone to meet our special little guy!

Your Man Card is REVOKED!

I went today to get a mani/pedi before the baby arrives (amethyst paint with white flowers on my toes, natural fingers).

As I was drying up, a real man's man walks in. A big, burly, muscular man.

He tells the tech that his girlfriend sent him there to get his eyebrows waxed. She promptly takes him back into the waxing room.

Five minutes later...

He comes out, eyebrows puffy from the wax and below that, eyes puffy from crying!!! I see the tech trying so hard not to laugh as she walked behind him to pay at the front desk.

We left at the same time. As he was walking out, he turns to me and exclaims, "Wow! That HURT!"

What I told him: "You should do your bikini line and legs next time!"
What I thought: "Your man card is officially revoked."

Why you NEED more than one carrier...

39 weeks pregnant, wearing two toddlers. Please excuse the crappy bathroom pics and bad angles- again, they wiggle and it is hard to get good pics like this! :P

These are my new carriers, btw. The light one is a Kozy and the darker one is the Babyhawk. I also have a new (to me) solid nutmeg Olives and Applesauce, but I can only wear two at once! ;)

5 days

not so long.

5 more days till we start the process of meeting Logan.

I feel really irrational and weapy today. Call or email at your own risk.

Interesting Deviation into a BAEd

It turns out that I won't be able to finish my 2nd Master's degree. Not because I don't have the will or the time, but because Joe's tuition policy changed. They won't cover graduate work for spouses after the end of the year. No worries, though. I was not too emotionally attached to this degree- it was mostly for fun. Seriously, I could not use it in a clinical setting, so it really was just to keep me busy and to give me something to do while being a stay-at-home-mom.

That being said, I still want to stay in school and they still cover Bachelor's degrees for spouses, so I think I am going to get one in education. It is supposed to do everything but the student teaching necessary to become a licensed teacher. I don't really WANT to become a teacher, but the skills would be useful if I do end up homeschooling or volunteering with children at any point. Sounds interesting either way! ;)

It never hurts to have diverse skill sets, does it? Who knows where life might lead? I am a little more excited about the BAEd, even though it is not a Master's, I guess because I already have a Master's and so it is no big deal to do something else...

Dino PJs for Preschool

Today was PJ day at D's preschool. He picked out his clothes. All by himself. :) Have I ever mentioned how hard it is to take a picture of a 2 year old?!?

Induction Scheduled!

May 27th, 9:00pm.

Joe and I got married on May 27th, 2003. Logan will be induced on our anniversary... although he probably won't be born until sometime early in the morning of the 28th.

<3

My plan...

Today: swimming, playing with toddlers...

Tonight: mani, pedi, bubble bath and an OB-approved glass of wine



:)

Taking a Peek

Through a long and exhausting back story yesterday, I got to have an ultrasound of Logan at 38 weeks and 4 days.

Apparently, when the pregnancy is this far along a regular ultrasound looks just like a 3D ultrasound.

Man, this kid is CUTE. So adorable! He has big, blinky eyes, long eyelashes that rest on his fat little cheeks and a cute little button of a nose. He even has that wonderful little rosebud mouth that we all love so much about newborns. He definitely looks like a member of our family, although not a spitting image of Joe, myself or Daegan.

His arms, legs, tummy and toes are all just as plump as can be (or were terribly squished, it was hard to tell, lol!) and I could not see any hair on his head. I figured if I could see his eyelashes I should be able to see hair, but what do I know?

Since it was done in the hospital I did not get a pic to take home... but let me say that I cannot wait to show him off! In the ultrasound, I could practically smell how amazingly cute he was!!!

Just had to brag. It almost made the waiting worse, knowing his face...

The ultrasound tech was really surprised I had not popped him out yet, though, based on just how cramped he was in there... maybe by next week? If I go into labor over Memorial Day weekend (bwahahaha! why couldn't it be LABOR DAY?!?), Joe gets all that extra long weekend to add to his paternity leave, so cross your fingers for good timing! :)

38 Weeks 3 Days

Thoughts from the mall...

Maybe one day...

D playing with Joe's hair.

I am so buying these shoes once they are not a falling hazard!

The headless baby mannequins assured me

that Gap is indeed on the Green bandwagon.

Highly overpriced (surprised?)

I found this scarf- perfect width/length for a rebozo.

Wondered if purple and silver metallic was too "Gem" for me?

Babyhawk Love!

My new Babyhawk arrived yesterday! I am so excited!!!

Here is the pic from their website- I am so in love!!!

Of course, Daegan LOVES to be carried in it... I just tie the waist strap under my belly and the arm straps over it to provide balance. It actually works kinda like a maternity support belt, and his weight balances out the extra weight in the front, so I can wear him for hours even though he is 26 pounds now. (Note: I only wear him on my back or hip now- he is too big for tummy wear, at least according to my preference!)

I am really, really fond of BH's particularly because of the supportive headrest and body structure- it is not too bulky that it adds heat in the summer, but just enough to be able to wear with both an infant and a toddler. One of the only carriers (besides an Olives and Applesauce SSC, a Kozy mei tai and any woven wrap) that is easily used with both age groups.

Plus, BH tends to carry really modern prints in their fabrics- so they are youthful and stylish instead of dowdy, you know? ;)

Sob, Whine, Cry

So, I have been contracting for about four or five days now. Sometimes, they are really, really intensely painful. Sometimes, they are just like Braxton-Hicks. Some hours they are regular, some hours they are clustered. I was determined (as you read in my last post) to do most of this at home, since the hospital is AN HOUR away during non-rush hour times, and that is AFTER I get D to whomever is watching him.

Well, yesterday around 5pm I started leaking clear, odorless fluid. Gross, I know. It was enough to soak through several pantyliners. I still did not want to go to the hospital, though, not being completely certain that my water had broken (it was a much slower leak then I had with D.) I was tired, had been contracting seriously all day, my body was sore... I was just wanting to curl up in bed and rest.

Around 10pm, Joe begged me to call the nurse just to make sure that we were not taking an unreasonable risk by waiting. The nurse told me that considering the amount of fluid leaking, it was not unreasonable to assume that the membranes had a small puncture in it- and that since the baby is sitting REALLY low, his head could be causing it to ebb and flow, depending on his and my positions. In fact, she said, it would be irresponsible and taking an unnecessary risk with Logan's life to prolong getting checked for a puncture.

Grrr. I was SO TIRED. So, I called Kerri (to whom I owe a new Lexus for as much as she has watched D in the middle of the night for us) and woke her up. Again. She met us and took our son, who was gently ripped from his sleepy and comfortable nestle in his bed to be placed in a car seat in the middle of the friggin' night. (He gave her no issues, luckily, and slept well last night).

We get to the hospital. I got three (yes, count them- three) exams to test for fluids, and came up negative. My water did not break. The trip was for nothing. However, they were monitoring my contractions and told me that although I needed to go home, I should not get comfortable, because my contractions were 5 min apart and of appropriate strength to validate being labeled as "in labor."

I was a little miffed (and tired. and nauseated. and done.) Essentially, she wanted me to go home and make sure that they remained regular for a while and grew increasingly painful before admitting me. That makes sense, but it is so inconvenient to go into the hospital, and not just for me- there is a whole support network of people who end up disturbed. (Ok, ok, I get it. I should stop worrying about who I am disturbing. But I just can't. I feel bad!)

So, I went home (arrived at 2ish am.) Took some sleeping pills and tried to get some sleep.

When I woke up, the contractions had stopped (evil). Labor has stalled again. This could go on for WEEKS, days or hours! Four days of contractions and they stop.

I seriously want to scream and throw things right now.

I am frustrated at being so tired.
I am frustrated at all the effort involved in getting to the hospital, constantly.
I am exhausted, mentally and physically.

Joe only has 6 days of leave left- so he is going to get to spend like NO TIME at home after the birth, leaving me on my own to deal with a toddler, a newborn, no sleep and post-partum changes all by my self (not his fault, but it still is infuriating). Every night we spend at the hospital, every day he misses work because he did not get any sleep at all that night, deducts yet another day from that total.

I am trying to remember that there are still about 18-36 hours before we consider the membrane stripping ineffective. Things could still happen. I guess I am just done with all this extra crap- I want to just labor, deliver, and be done- even if that is in a few weeks. No more "is this it?" No more "just in case, you should come in..." NO MORE!!!

Ugh. I do. I want to cry. I feel really down right now about all this- probably from the pain of the contractions, the lack of sleep, the stress about Joe's leave and the frustrating nature of all of it.

38 weeks tomorrow. My membranes will be stripped again on Tuesday if nothing happens this week. Joy.

Here is to hoping that my next post is a birth story for you guys... we will see!

Is this it?

Since 9pm yesterday, I have been having contractions. Painful ones. Mostly in my back (bummer, huh?) Some hours, they are 3min apart and STRONG. Other hours, they disappear or are painless like Braxton-Hicks.

Joe stayed home from work, just in case. Daegan went to school today, just like normal. We have the OB and membrane stripping at 3pm, so if they recommend we go to the hospital we will. If nothing is progressing, then at least we did not waste an afternoon in triage. Again.

Wish us luck- I really hope this is it, but am trying to remain calm and laid-back about it...

Stripping

Getting a little nervous here for tomorrow... at 3:00pm, they are stripping my membranes, which may or may not induce labor. Bags are packed, house is clean, everything is in order.

I am making plans for Wednesday, just to encourage labor- because don't you know it always happens when you have other plans for the day? ;)

Oddly, I am not nervous about labor at all. Having been through it before, I guess I just feel really serene about that. I am afraid of the momentary pain tomorrow, though. I am such a wimp! :P

Wish me luck- and pain-free stripping, please!

Happy Mother's Day!

Sacred Marriage by Gary Thomas

A local ami of mine and I are considering reading through this book together. I have heard really great things about it...

So, I thought that I would post about our discussions here so that my non-local amies could join in if interested, or if there was something they wanted to contribute to the conversation.

I just wanted to give you a heads-up. I don't know when we are going to start it, with Logan pending and me working through the Slightly Bad Girls of the Bible, but I hope it is soon (maybe two to four weeks from now?). I have read really great reviews on this book.

If I see that several people are interested, what I will do is break down the reading into weekly segments, and then post my analysis, and we can discuss it in the comments.

If you are interested, you can buy the book here for $6-$10, depending on if you buy it new or used. Or, check your local library for the title- who knows? They may just have it!!

Feeling BIG, Looking small

Pic from today, 37 weeks 1 day. I know it is overexposed and blurry... but I am still getting the "you are pregnant?!?" comments and "Wow! You are so tiny! No one would ever guess you are about to pop!" comments.

No one means to be hurtful... I guess after having to struggle so much to make it to 37 weeks I kind of want to at least look like I am 37 weeks, you know? It is no one's fault but my own- I just carry small. I REALLY hope this means that Logan is small (but mature). I am dreading delivering any child over 7 lbs...

Oh, can my water break already?!? Please? I want my own body shape back. I am tired of feeling so huge, yet being told I am tiny. I feel like I swallowed a wiggly watermelon.

Hm. I could totally go for some coffee right now. Anyone want to bring me a tall Starbucks Mocha Frappachino, no whip?

Celebrating for a moment...

Two things to celebrate today:

1. Today marks our 37th week in this pregnancy... which means we officially made it to term!

Now... who volunteers to go get the BBQ tongs and yank him out of there? This is REALLY uncomfortable! ;)

2. Second, we officially have absolutely no credit card debt now! :) It feels so good to see all those big, fat zeros!

Before you go and get jealous, though, remember we still have cars and student loans to work on, so we are not completely debt-free yet!

However, credit cards are a huge accomplishment, so I am going to just let out one big WHOOO HOOO right now.

I like a cash lifestyle better, anyway. Really, I may not get everything I want exactly when I want it, but it makes me appreciate what I do get and what I have that much more.

Both are pretty big blessings. Today is a good day.

Train Table

So, my big sister found a killer deal at a yard sale a few short weeks ago- an entire train table with two drawers PACKED with trains, tracks and accessories (hundreds of dollars worth, since just one wooden train peice is often right around $19.95) for $30. Wow. She bought it for Daegan, so that he has a new diversionary toy to play with when Logan arrives.

Daegan LOVES trains in general- we were driving half an hour a day just so he could play with the sets at Barnes and Noble! It was an easy way to pass a lazy morning- I got to flip through the most recent editions of magazines and have some coffee while he played with the trains.

Now, he has some at home just like (or maybe even better than) the ones at B&N, and he LOVES them! :) Kerri could not have gotten a more perfect gift! Here are a few pics of him playing with his new found love...

Daegan's new train table arrived today, courtesy of and a gift from his wonderful, super-cool aunt! He is OBSESSED with it! Thank you, Kerri- he absolutely loves it!

OB Update

I took some time out today to stop by Whole Foods and get a drink of wheat grass juice, so the craving was quenched... for about three hours. I could totally go for more right about now.

This afternoon I had my OB appt. Everything is fine and on schedule, and they are stripping my membranes next Tuesday to hopefully get things moving along. Otherwise, not much to update! :)

Grass

I have the biggest craving for wheat grass juice right now. Seriously. I keep finding myself staring jealously at our neighbor's yard and wondering if their grass would taste the same.

I wonder if they would call the cops if they found me crawling around, grazing on their grass?

Hmmmm.

One Hot Hubby

Joe and I went shopping yesterday to get Joe a summer wardrobe that (gasp!) fit. We scored pretty well- six pieces for $70 (two shorts, four shirts), not bad at all. All his clothes were at least four inches too large for him in the waist, so it was time.

However, I have to hand it to him- really. When he wears clothes that fit, he is SMOKIN' HOT. Really. Very earthy, rugged and Peace-Corps-y. Add Daegan onto his back in a super-cool baby carrier, and I could suffer heart palpitations. How did I get such a yummy husband? Seriously.

Right now, he is in the kitchen doing the dishes with Earth-friendly dishsoap and reusable kitchen cloths while gently fathering Daegan and teaching him how to load the dishwasher.

He was so hot in his new clothes, I actually baked him cookies this morning. From scratch. Blueberry Oatmeal cookies, to be precise. The smell of the baking spices and blueberries kept bringing him back to the kitchen for taste-tests.

Hmmm. What a great guy.

Just dreaming...

I wish there was a place in Maricopa where I could start every morning with a brisk walk to the store and get a quick, fresh shot of wheat grass juice. Yummy.

*sigh*

We need a juice bar. Seriously. That, and a drive-through Starbucks, a Target and an Einstein's Bagels.

Bless You!

I am sitting in my office at one end of the house, with the door closed, enjoying some toddler-free time with blogs and online forums.

Daegan is on the other end of the house, watching the Redwings combat the Ducks on TV (a hockey game).

I sneezed, and this is what I hear bellowing from the living room:

"BLESSSSSS YOU!! BLESS YOU!"

Oh, what a sweet child! LOL! He practically screamed it!

Question...

With the HG becoming a serious struggle and the contractions seeming to stop in their tracks (I feel NOWHERE near birth), I would love your input on something...

All this time, I have tried to trust that Logan will come when God wants him to come, according to his plan.

However, now that it is looking like I may just make it to term (UGH), I am wondering:

Is planning an induction for 39 and a half or 40 weeks taking matters into my own hands and removing my trust from God?

Is this medical technology available because it was given to us, thus saying that it is not removing my trust from God, and instead taking advantage of his blessings?

I would love to have a definite finish line here, something to know that no matter how bad it gets with the HG, we have a certain end date... but at the same time, I don't want to be unfaithful or pull an "Abraham," here.

I am SO DONE. Really. Not with the discomfort of the 3rd trimester, that I can handle... but with feeling this intensely sick all the time.

My logical side tells me not to be silly- don't walk away from God's plan for a half a week to a week of comfort. I can endure ANYTHING for an additional three to seven days (the difference between 39-40 weeks and natural labor). However, now, three to four weeks from term, it feels like forever to feel this sick without a fixed end in sight.

Input? Thoughts?