conversationFAIL

Scene: Grocery Store, checkout line, Logan on my back.

The bagger is one of the store's 'special' employees. I don't know what his specific special-ness is, so in lieu of being un-PC, I am just going to call him 'special.'

Mr. Special is a wonderful, warm person who always greets me when we shop there and goes out of his way to be very polite. However, he does not remember us from trip to trip- each time it is like he is meeting us for the first time.

Well, this time, he is bagging for the cashier. He sees Logan on my back.

Mr. S.: My, what a big baby!

Me: Yes, he is big. 20 pounds now.

Mr. S.: 20 POUNDS?!? Wow. When was he born?

Me: 8 months ago.

Mr. S.: Well, he looks like an alien! Look at those big eyes, and funny face (to the cashier: "Doesn't he look like an alien? Wow, he looks more like one than that kid in shipping with birth defects!")

Cashier: I don't think you should say that. His mother may not appreciate it.

Mr. S, to cashier: Well, John and I call each other names all the time, and he doesn't get mad, so why would she?

Mr. S, to me: How big was he when he was born?

Me: Around 7 pounds.

Mr. S.: 7 pounds?!? Wow, that must have hurt!

Me: I am fine.

Mr. S: Yeah, but for 7 pounds, you must have, like, blast doors down there or something! How do you ever recover from that?

Me, hoping that a little bluntness would help him realize how inappropriate this was: My vagina is fine. Thank you for your concern.

Mr. S.: Well, YOU might think it is fine, but what about your husband? Does he...

Cashier interrupts: Can you please finish bagging, please?

Cashier looks at me apologetically.

Mr. S: You sure are buying a lot of vegetables. What are you making?

Me: We are having soup tonight. Carrot almond.

Mr. S.: So what are you doing with the veggies?

Me: Making soup out of them,

Mr. S.: All by yourself?!? Wow.

Me.: Yes, soups are made from veggies, and sometimes they have meat in them, but not this time.

Mr. S.: Wow... ok! Have a beautiful day! It was nice meeting you!

Note: I did bust up laughing once I got into my car. I was not offended, just thinking that this was EXCELLENT fodder for a blog post.

Note #2: The organic cauliflower is on sale today for the exact same price as the non-organic, so it is a good time to ritz it up if you want to...

Note #3: There is a new show on TV called the Modern Family. It is hilarious. Highly recommended.