Pics from CA

click on image if you are interested in seeing a larger version.

creepy dolls. cute dolls. I couldn't decide.

ahhh. home.

AZ may be hot as hell, but our skies are so beautiful.

like suspended jewels.

P is for Penis

Sitting at breakfast table.
"Look, mommy, I wiggle my penis at you!"
Busts out laughing.
Stern look from me.
"Daegan, that is inappropriate.We do not take our penises out at the breakfast table!"
He looks at me, confused.
"Well, of course YOU don't, mommy! You don't even have one!"

***

Sitting in bedroom, I walk in. He is squeezing it, looking perplexed.
"Mommy, I don't have any bones in my penis!"
Seeming genuinely upset about this, since he has bones everywhere else, he continues to try to find the bone.
"No, sweetheart, penises don't have..."
Interrupting me...
"Oh, wait. Nevermind, I found it!"

Little Girls in Grassy Fields

As race day looms, I asked a friend and photographer (Dawnielle Castellenos, of Eyefull Photography) to help me capture the goal of "Little girls in grassy fields," on camera, as a motivation and to mark the occasion. Sure, there will be tons more- when I have actually EARNED my super girl undies, and some with a friend celebrating 40 and 50 pounds weight loss... so, there will be plenty of pics taken this year! :P

So, about "Little girls in grassy fields"... this is a phrase which describes the joyful bounding and energy a little girl would have in a field of wildflowers, and the ultimate goal of every workout I do. If everything I do in life is done with hopes of accomplishing this feeling, than everything is done purely, wholeheartedly and passionately.

The very first time I ran, I did so after having a dream that I was gliding through the PERFECT field of long, smooth grass, tickling my hands over wildflowers, sun in my eyes but just that PERFECT level of brightness, no destination, just running to express the joy and song in my soul... it was inspiring. The reality was, ahem, freakishly different. I started off, bounding down the sidewalk... and 30 seconds later, I was laying on the sidewalk panting.

Yeah, it was that bad.

So, between then and now, I have been able to accomplish this feeling several times, and it is absolutely worth the effort to get there. It is like grabbing small glimpses of heaven while alive.

Anyway- here are some of the photos from the shoot. I think there will be more to post, but I will keep it updated, so check back.

:)

and this one I did the edit on, just to pass the time while Logan slept on me...

June Bug

Hi! 

So, we are getting a TON of questions about our new addition to our family. I am not usually one for taking pet photos (there seems to be a creepy element to it, aka cat lady), but for all of those who requested them here they are!

This is June Bug, named after the month the vet believes she was born in.

Junie's Story-

A neighbor of mine, whom I had not yet met, had a paper route in our city. One morning, before the crack of dawn, she almost hit poor Junie in the middle of the road. She opened her car door to investigate, and sweet Junie jumped right into the car, and into her heart! She took Junie to the vet, and discovered she is about 3 months old. After placing an ad in the paper, she just waited, torn between keeping her (she already had FIVE dogs. Not kidding.) and giving her to the humane society, where she would almost certainly be put to sleep.

I had been thinking for months about getting a new puppy, but had not mentioned it to Joe because I knew he would LOVE the idea too much for us to say "no," later. So, when I had finally made up my mind, he was so excited to hear that we were getting a new puppy! I looked around, but so many of the pet adoption places would take a long process and mucho dinero to adopt. Then, we wouldn't really get to choose the right dog for us, within the context of our family. So, I looked in the paper, and saw poor Junie's ad for her missing family. I called, asked if Junie still needed a home, and she did...

so... I had her over for a playdate, to make sure she could hold her own with the kids and Maya (our boxer) and Pac (a doggie who has a temporary home with us). She never left! She was instant best friends with Daegan, leaving me to conclude that God made puppies just for preschoolers.

So, that is the story. She is super sweet, and we have NO IDEA what breed, but it doesn't really matter to us. We did the purebred thing, and at the end of the day, a dog is a dog.

crisis of faith

Admittedly, I have found myself in a little black hole when it comes to faith lately. Last night, I stared across the night sky at Venus, which was brightly illuminated due to the position of the sun. I tried to understand that the little twinkling star I saw was actually a gigantic planet, and I was literally gazing across millions of miles to see it. It was not unlike staring across the sea to a mountain range on the other side, but on a much larger scale. I knew, intuitively, that beyond Venus and the companion planets lay the outstretching swath of one of the more distant arms of the spiral-shaped milky way galaxy, our neighborhood.

There is a difference between knowing and knowing. Like, I knew that life would be more challenging post-children. Now, I know life is more challenging post-children. There is a huge difference between academic or theoretical knowledge and experience.

So, last night, as I stared at the unwavering planet of Venus, I tried to understand- how is it that I can know through conversations and prayer, that God is there and that he loves me deeply, and I can know that creation is diverse, complex and extraordinarily beautiful, but that I can also know that children are allowed to suffer, sadness and horror still exists and there are some deeply disturbing things going on on this world. How in the world can I "have faith" that God will protect me or my children when there are children all over the world who are suffering? How can, in the beauty that is creation, that sort of ugliness have a place?

As an extension of that thought, it seems absolutely absurd to me (when put into perspective), that there are billions of galaxies, composed of trillions of stars, with infinite space between them... yet on a little rock, orbiting a little star, in a tiny galaxy, there was a book written, translated, published and maintained by a small, relatively young species which contains all the secrets of how this all came to be, and that that book is the supposed salvation of all? How arrogant is that?

Yet, faith to me is not all hypothetical. I have heard the voice of God in my heart, we have talked, he has answered prayers, and he has been there... I cannot doubt that which I have experienced. I can only know for sure that which I have been directly told by HIM.

So, last night, I was praying for an answer to this crisis. The answer was a metaphor (isn't it always?)

A while back, there was a young ant who ventured out of his anthill and crawled across the AIDS quilt.

Being so small, he could only (in his lifetime) travel across a square or two, and from his perspective he was unable to see that it was a giant quilt with a specific design and order. All he was able to see were a few hems, a few swatches of fabric and some paint. He came to ask himself, "Why is it that some of the patterns (the hems) are even, beautiful and predictable, while some are haphazard, broken or faded? Why is some of the ground soft and comfortable while other ground is scratchy and inhospitable? There could not possibly be a reason for this, this could not possibly be a design by an intelligent being, or it would all be clean, beautiful and easy.  Look at the colors! Some of them are broken, messy and ugly. Some of them are beautifully saturated, clean lines, and vibrant. No, certainly, there is no sense to this chaos." Every day, he would go and walk among the quilt, never knowing it was a quilt, and never understanding the variation between the squares. Then, one day, he crawled up the Washington Monument and saw the glory of the quilt, and understood the meaning of each of the squares. Beyond that, he saw the emotions of the people who had come to visit, and noticed for the first time the world beyond the quilt- the sunlight, the sky, the grass, and even the city which lay beyond. Things were far more organized and infinite than he had ever been able to conceive from his limited perspective on Earth.

And so, I guess, it is with us. I can ask "Why?" until my dying day. I can scream and rant at the inequity that occurs between the "squares." I may be unable to understand why I will never be afraid that some random man would come and chop off my leg and feed it to my children (as happened to a woman in Rwanda), but others will live, cowering in fear in dark forests or messy landfills, with their children- constantly on the run from those who would harm them. I won't understand until I crawl up my Washington Monument. I just have to trust that when I do, and I look down, I will see a quilt with more detail and more meaning than I will ever understand from here on earth.

Freakishly Good Tortellini Soup

Ok, so I made a new recipe today, and WOW! This one is going into the hall of records. Enjoy.

Freakishly Good Tortellini Soup

2 boxes organic low-sodium veggie broth
4 cups water
1 chicken (de-skinned, de-boned, and meat shredded)
2 bunches of diced green onions
4 carrots, peeled and chopped
1 bunch of chopped celery
2 20-oz bags frozen tri-colored tortellini
2 bunches shredded bok choy
1 tsp coriander
1 tsp poultry seasoning
1 tsp white pepper
salt and pepper to taste

Basically, chop everything EXCEPT the tortellini up and put it into a big stew pot. Let it get nice and happy in there. The bok choy reduces down, don't worry. Then, 10 min before serving, take it up to a boil and dump in the tortellini. Cook per instructions.

Serve in bowls, topped with some shredded Formaggio Trio and salt and pepper to taste. I put some yummy multi-grain bread next to it... mmmm...

Seriously, this is good stuff. You have to try it. It is rich and heavy, but not too heavy on the calories, since most of the serving is actually just broth and veggies. There really isn't a ton of chicken present and just enough pasta to bulk it up.

fungus boobs

I was driving to the store
coming to terms with
the fact that after three
cumulative years of nursing
I finally have a case of thrush

and thinking about
the irony of this happening
during World Breastfeeding Week.

I pulled the car over
to look at some gigantic
mushrooms
on the side of the road
to teach Daegan
about fungus we eat
and fungus we don't eat

and admittedly to
break them all
into pieces
because it is fun

when I saw
one particular peice of fungus
well, make that two fungi,
mocking me from the grass.

I think that was the funniest thing
I have seen all day.

fungi boobs.