While working today, I was alone in a client's house- complete silence. Silence, that is, except the thoughts swirling around in my head. Suddenly, I started laughing. Not just laughing, CRACKING. UP.
"Oh my!," I thought... "If someone could see inside my head right now, I would drive them crazy!!"
Here is a peak inside my head... would this drive YOU nuts?
Hmmm... I feel a little weird.
What is my current physical experience? What does "weird" mean?
My stomach is turning, my head is tender, I feel exhausted...
You slept well, you are healthy, your diet is on track... it isn't physical. It must be emotional.
Ok, but what am I emotional about?
Let's list the things you could be processing...
(Listing...)
Ok, now, of those things, which one do you have an increase in physical symptoms when you think about it?
(Going over list slowly, watching physical reactions)
Ok, got it. So that is the topic bothering you. Now, what is the situation?
(Explaining a synopsis of the situation)
And what do you know about this for sure?
I know x, y, z.
And what do you suspect about this?
I suspect x, y, z.
Ok, so what is the negative?
I am not sure.
That right there is why you are having physical symptoms. Let's put some names on it. Try to identify the emotion. Is it a positive emotion?
No...
Is it a negative emotion?
No. It is complicated. Negative isn't right...
Ok, so it's complicated. Let's put a name on the emotion.
Mad? No. Sad? No. Frustrated? No. Mourning? No. Anxious? Kind of, but that feels like a secondary emotion... Ok, so Anxious... what leads to anxiety? Not being in control... being vulnerable.
It sounds like you landed on an emotion. Does "vulnerable" describe it?
Yes.
What is making you feel vulnerable?
(explains)
What are your expectations?
Nothing, really. I don't expect anything- and that is the complete, honest truth.
So, if there is nothing to expect, then there is nothing to feel in control of or out of control with...
Great point.
What kind of messages are you sending yourself regarding this?
(Listing)
Of those messages, which can you dismiss as being due to social, cultural or religious norms which are not applicable to this particular situation, time, or are otherwise dismissible?
(Listing)
Of the messages that are left, which can you dismiss as being due to someone else's opinion stated at some other time, which you know to not be true or even that loving/accepting of an opinion?
(Listing)
What is left?
(Listing)
Are these messages true?
Yes, kind of. They are inferences. This means that... so to speak.
Ok, now... are there alternative explanations for those causal assumptions in the messages?
Yes. X, Y, Z.
Understanding this from a multi-faceted point of view, which of those causal alternatives is the most likely to be the correct explanation?
Easy. Z.
How do you feel knowing that?
Good. Easy. At peace. And a little sad.
Why sad?
Because of (this) expectation.
Is there a time in the past where that expectation was there and not met?
Yes.
What were your behaviors, thoughts and feelings then?
(explains)
Wow. It sounds like that situation was very similar to this situation. How did you resolve that situation?
I didn't. There really ISN'T a resolution but to be as authentic, and loving, and hard-working as possible.
Those are great values. In that case, is there anything to do to prevent this situation in the future?
Not really... not with things the way they are. They are what they are, and all I can do is my best within them.
What is the best case scenario with this issue?
Actually, this IS the best case scenario, as odd as that sounds. Square pegs, round holes, and all that jazz... when it is right, it is right. When it isn't, don't force it.
What is the best case scenario overall?
(explains)
Is that likely to happen without someone adopting an inauthentic life?
No.
Maybe it is time to re-evaluate a best-case scenario.
Maybe... (this is where I start giggling)
Oh my. Besides this underlining that I am a TOTAL control freak, how crazy would this thought process drive you if it was in YOUR head every day?
Edited to add: AND THEN... I started my period. So it WAS physical- the nausea, fatigue, slight headache. LOL. No freaking wonder.
