This morning, Daegan came and crawled into bed with Logan and I. He petted my face, and said, "Wake up, Mommy. It is time to have some new adventures!" What a way to start the day!
***
So, sometimes I think that sibling sets are amazing. I couldn't and wouldn't have predicted how their little worlds would begin to revolve around each other. As they get older, they are starting to (*and every feminist cell in my body begins to cringe saying this*) act like boys. Like brothers. Or, maybe like sibling ninjas. I am not sure. Anyway, their "love language" seems to be tapped out in the Morse code of bruises.
Each night, as I lay them down for bed- after books, after prayers- I leave and let them sort it out on their own. Sometimes the things I hear drift over the baby monitor are the most precious evidences of their unique sibling relationship. I am sure over the coming months, you will hear many of these conversations transcribed here for posterity.
Tonight's debacle was this:
Logan was crying (he self-soothes with a moany-type cry that isn't urgent).
"Logan, please be quiet so I can go to sleep."
"No."
"Logan, will you PLEASE be quiet so I can go to sleep?"
"No."
"Alright. THAT'S IT. I'm telling my mommy!"
"NO!"
"Then be quiet. I'm the big brother, and you have to follow my instructions!!"
"NO!"
*SLAP*
*SLAP*
*SLAP*
Screaming.
"That's IT. I'm telling mama YOU HIT ME BACK!! No hitting!! Hitting hurts!!"
The door opens and closes, I hear a tattle-tale's feet plodding self-righteously down the hallway.
"Mommy, Logan hit me back."
"Does that mean you hit him first?"
"Ummmm... ummmm... yeah?"
"Dude, Logan is going to start hitting you back now. He is big enough to not be bullied. Now get that pj'ed tushie of yours back in bed."
I escort him back.
The boys giggle over the monitor.
"Mom told me hitting hurts. How did she know I hit you first?"
"Bah"
"Yeah, she's so smart."
Sunday, July 31, 2011
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
This Week in Pics
So, Daegan has this new talent: paper airplanes. I know it is a bit blurry, but check out his expression when showing off this plane. Priceless!
Time after bath- the boys like to be "baby burritos." Logan is sometimes referred to as the taquito, but then he gets all indignant and says, "No!! Burrito baby!!"
On our way to school, a little extra bonding time, some adventures and some exercise. The kids LOVE it.
Um, yeah. So, big beetle. I thought it would be a GOOD IDEA to put this LIVING BEETLE on some tape so I could teach Daegan the anatomy of an insect... Well, it WAS a good idea. Until Logan got too excited and flipped the tape, sending the beetle flying into my hair. Which Daegan thought was HILARIOUS, and the beetle immediately became his FAVORITE TOY. He took it to church with him, and blessed all the teachers with a disgusting tape-wrapped beetle. When he went to bed, angels came and took it to heaven. ;)
Daegan being a monkey at Sunday School.
After church, we used a gifted Applebee's gift card to go on a mommy-sons ice cream date.
It was so much fun!!
I almost wasn't quick enough to catch this tender moment.
Daegan and I painted ceramic monster piggy banks, a task he took VERY SERIOUSLY.
Naptime!! Yeah, right...
This was a homeschooling project: Why do dark colors melt faster than light colors?
At the end of this project, we had cool art to hang on the wall. Yeah, science!!
I would LOVE to say the following was also educational, but mostly it was just silly. Googley eyes!!
Monday, July 25, 2011
Precious Moment
This morning, Daegan crawled into bed with Logan and I. We snuggled for a few minutes while he stretched and rubbed his eyes. Then, he reached over and rubbed his brother's blond hair. The boys kissed, and whispered, "I love you."
Then, Daegan crawled around me to lay on the other side of his brother. The boys wrapped their arms around each other, pressing their foreheads together.
"I love you so much, Logan," Daegan whispered.
"I love you, too, Daegan," Logan whispered back.
They laid there for ten minutes, rubbing hair, pressing foreheads, hugging and exchanging kisses and "I love you's."
I, of course, laid there feeling like the most blessed mother in all of creation, that my boys would love each other so tenderly. A precious moment I am not soon to forget. <3
Then, Daegan crawled around me to lay on the other side of his brother. The boys wrapped their arms around each other, pressing their foreheads together.
"I love you so much, Logan," Daegan whispered.
"I love you, too, Daegan," Logan whispered back.
They laid there for ten minutes, rubbing hair, pressing foreheads, hugging and exchanging kisses and "I love you's."
I, of course, laid there feeling like the most blessed mother in all of creation, that my boys would love each other so tenderly. A precious moment I am not soon to forget. <3
Sunday, July 24, 2011
Childish Faith
Daegan is SO EXCITED every week to go to church. He LOVES it there!! :D And that makes me very happy.. of course!! I mean, we say prayers EVERY NIGHT together as a family, and EVERY NIGHT he asks, "Mommy, when do I get to go to my new church again? I LOVE my friends there!!"
****
So yesterday, I am picking him up from Sunday School (which is, incidentally, on Saturday nights) and he told me that they were learning the story of Daniel. I ask him to tell me the story.
"Mommy, God was in a lion's den and then a magical fairy came down to close the lion's mouths, so that even though they were MEAN and HUNGRY, they didn't eat God. And that is good, because we LOVE God."
Close, kiddo. Close.
****
So you saw the post on FB about the beetle? Well, the end part of that story is that Daegan had a giant beetle wrapped in tape which he carried around all day, grossing out adults. It was pretty damn funny.
However, this morning, he came running at me all indignant.
"MOM! My beetle is DEAD! It is DEAD and it should be in HEAVEN!! But it is STILL IN THE TAPE!! You need to mail it to heaven. So, I tried to explain that that isn't quite how it works, and he started getting confused... so... I said, ok. We will mail him to heaven, ok?
One bug-stuffed envelope later, I had a happy little boy and one soon-to-be grossed out mail carrier if I forget to move the envelope to the trash...
****
And one last little tidbit of cuteness, although this one isn't faith-based. This morning, as I was making the kids breakfast, Daegan came up to me and said, "I'm a helpful MAN mommy. A big boy isn't a man until he is KIND and HELPFUL and CONSIDERATE and LOVING. I decided I'm going to be a REAL MAN today."
My heart grows three sizes around these kids!!
****
So yesterday, I am picking him up from Sunday School (which is, incidentally, on Saturday nights) and he told me that they were learning the story of Daniel. I ask him to tell me the story.
"Mommy, God was in a lion's den and then a magical fairy came down to close the lion's mouths, so that even though they were MEAN and HUNGRY, they didn't eat God. And that is good, because we LOVE God."
Close, kiddo. Close.
****
So you saw the post on FB about the beetle? Well, the end part of that story is that Daegan had a giant beetle wrapped in tape which he carried around all day, grossing out adults. It was pretty damn funny.
However, this morning, he came running at me all indignant.
"MOM! My beetle is DEAD! It is DEAD and it should be in HEAVEN!! But it is STILL IN THE TAPE!! You need to mail it to heaven. So, I tried to explain that that isn't quite how it works, and he started getting confused... so... I said, ok. We will mail him to heaven, ok?
One bug-stuffed envelope later, I had a happy little boy and one soon-to-be grossed out mail carrier if I forget to move the envelope to the trash...
****
And one last little tidbit of cuteness, although this one isn't faith-based. This morning, as I was making the kids breakfast, Daegan came up to me and said, "I'm a helpful MAN mommy. A big boy isn't a man until he is KIND and HELPFUL and CONSIDERATE and LOVING. I decided I'm going to be a REAL MAN today."
My heart grows three sizes around these kids!!
Friday, July 22, 2011
Wings and Roots
"Faith is believing that one of two things will happen. That there will be something solid for you to stand on or that you will be taught to fly."
So, yesterday was yet another step in the legal marathon that is divorce. It was traumatizing, because I had to retell, yet again, the events of the abuse and how deeply they had impacted me. It literally makes me shake to tell that story, and I hate doing it. Hate it. There is rarely a time when one can feel like their life is in danger and NOT be pretty influenced by it. However, this retelling was different. No, the words were the same, but the difference was that THIS time, my abuser got to laugh and scoff and scorn me hatefully. It was awful, and while I am confident that I got my point across and was fair, and firm and logical, just having to do it re-traumatized me. Today is pretty painful. On a good note, though, healing comes from distance and I know that by next week, I will feel right in my skin again. So, I won't have to risk more trauma again until after June of next year, I think, because the rest of this process is attorneys, court, and after that the restraining order will justifiably keep him a good distance away from me. I trust the process, and even more than that I trust GOD who has been faithfully providing me with ample resources at every step to fight this battle. I have the best attorney ever in HIM.
So, updates on the kids: We are going to start bike riding every day together as a family!! How fun is that?!?
Also, Daegan is getting better from what he witnessed. At first, he wouldn't talk about it at all... didn't even MENTION the missing family member for TWO WEEKS. When he finally did, he expressed that he was scared of that person. I have been working with him, though, because in the end, he needs to have a positive, loving relationship with BOTH parents. So, we have been reading some children's books on Divorce and the changes that come with it. At first, he would hide under a blanket while we read them, but now he asks for it specifically, and crawls up in my lap. I love these books. It gives me a chance to really discuss with him how he is feeling, and help him process these changes.
Today, he admitted that he frequently feels like it is his fault that our family has changed, and that while he is ok most of the time, he does get sad and angry about it. We talked about it, that it was ok to feel those feelings, and how to deal with it when those feelings come around. I am trying to give him coping skills, because the odds are that these little boys are going to witness a fair share of conflict in their lives, and they need to know how to deal.
The books also discuss attorneys and court, which is a tougher subject to discuss with a four year old. So, basically I explained that courts help to decide if someone has broken the rules, or they also help to solve fights- just like how mommy helps him resolve arguments with his brother. He seemed to understand that explanation. Attorneys, on the other hand, are harder to explain (I mean, really... they aren't there for what's fair. They are there to win, regardless of what that takes, and I don't want to teach the kids that value.)
Most of all, now that the major document collection and evidence prep and witness evaluations are done (for the moment since I have to wait a week or two to begin again), I can try to refocus on getting these kids into some activities. I wonder- will it be dance? Art? Sports? They need something.
All in all, this has been a huge, painful blessing. It has brought important people into my life. It allows me to be with my children without having to also be exposed to abuse (and let's not second guess for a second that in those final months, that is exactly the price I had to pay for quality time with the kids). It has been a HUGE blessing in terms of career, and I will now have the appropriate balance of work-school-parenting (with the kids as my first and primary focus and priority) when practicum comes along.
But the pain, I am sure, will heal with distance and therapy. Trauma doesn't have to last forever, and I need to make sure that it doesn't. For the kids' sake.
I still think it is amazing how many people have told me that they KNEW what I was going through. They knew because they had been through it and had seen the signs. Sadly, they also knew that it takes something extreme to leave... and they were waiting for it, ready to help when that ball dropped. I am so blessed with amazing friends!!
So, yesterday was yet another step in the legal marathon that is divorce. It was traumatizing, because I had to retell, yet again, the events of the abuse and how deeply they had impacted me. It literally makes me shake to tell that story, and I hate doing it. Hate it. There is rarely a time when one can feel like their life is in danger and NOT be pretty influenced by it. However, this retelling was different. No, the words were the same, but the difference was that THIS time, my abuser got to laugh and scoff and scorn me hatefully. It was awful, and while I am confident that I got my point across and was fair, and firm and logical, just having to do it re-traumatized me. Today is pretty painful. On a good note, though, healing comes from distance and I know that by next week, I will feel right in my skin again. So, I won't have to risk more trauma again until after June of next year, I think, because the rest of this process is attorneys, court, and after that the restraining order will justifiably keep him a good distance away from me. I trust the process, and even more than that I trust GOD who has been faithfully providing me with ample resources at every step to fight this battle. I have the best attorney ever in HIM.
So, updates on the kids: We are going to start bike riding every day together as a family!! How fun is that?!?
Also, Daegan is getting better from what he witnessed. At first, he wouldn't talk about it at all... didn't even MENTION the missing family member for TWO WEEKS. When he finally did, he expressed that he was scared of that person. I have been working with him, though, because in the end, he needs to have a positive, loving relationship with BOTH parents. So, we have been reading some children's books on Divorce and the changes that come with it. At first, he would hide under a blanket while we read them, but now he asks for it specifically, and crawls up in my lap. I love these books. It gives me a chance to really discuss with him how he is feeling, and help him process these changes.
Today, he admitted that he frequently feels like it is his fault that our family has changed, and that while he is ok most of the time, he does get sad and angry about it. We talked about it, that it was ok to feel those feelings, and how to deal with it when those feelings come around. I am trying to give him coping skills, because the odds are that these little boys are going to witness a fair share of conflict in their lives, and they need to know how to deal.
The books also discuss attorneys and court, which is a tougher subject to discuss with a four year old. So, basically I explained that courts help to decide if someone has broken the rules, or they also help to solve fights- just like how mommy helps him resolve arguments with his brother. He seemed to understand that explanation. Attorneys, on the other hand, are harder to explain (I mean, really... they aren't there for what's fair. They are there to win, regardless of what that takes, and I don't want to teach the kids that value.)
Most of all, now that the major document collection and evidence prep and witness evaluations are done (for the moment since I have to wait a week or two to begin again), I can try to refocus on getting these kids into some activities. I wonder- will it be dance? Art? Sports? They need something.
All in all, this has been a huge, painful blessing. It has brought important people into my life. It allows me to be with my children without having to also be exposed to abuse (and let's not second guess for a second that in those final months, that is exactly the price I had to pay for quality time with the kids). It has been a HUGE blessing in terms of career, and I will now have the appropriate balance of work-school-parenting (with the kids as my first and primary focus and priority) when practicum comes along.
But the pain, I am sure, will heal with distance and therapy. Trauma doesn't have to last forever, and I need to make sure that it doesn't. For the kids' sake.
I still think it is amazing how many people have told me that they KNEW what I was going through. They knew because they had been through it and had seen the signs. Sadly, they also knew that it takes something extreme to leave... and they were waiting for it, ready to help when that ball dropped. I am so blessed with amazing friends!!
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
Stronger Boys and other anectdotes
Now that things are starting to settle down, I will keep this blog updated on the boys' lives.
***
I asked Daegan to help me carry in a DVD player, and put it in his room.
"Sweetheart, can you handle that or is it too heavy?"
"Oh, mom! It is heavy, but I am stronger than it is heavy, because I am a STRONG BOY!!"
***
We had a play date this Friday at the AZ Science Museum with a friend of mine and his son. We had a ton of fun, but you know what I think Daegan's favorite part was? When we were chilling in the grass, and he got to run around with his brother and his friend!! Kids are silly sometimes. I think Daegan may have a new best friend now, though... because all I heard in the car afterward was "Mommy, Alex is my bestest buddy in the whole wide world. But that's ok to have two best buddies. Mommy, can J be my best buddy too?" It was so sweet. My heart just melted and I love that Daegan is able to make such great friends so easily.
***
Oh, and Logan? Man, that kid is going through a growth spurt!! Thankfully, once we were no longer in a super stressful environment and got settled in Yuma, his vocabulary and verbal skills just really started excelling. The child is speaking in complete sentences, my favorite of which is, "I do it!!" Really, I swear... that's my favorite!! I look at him sometimes and see a little boy, not a baby anymore. He is getting longer, leaner, and much more independent. He really just wants to do everything that Daegan does, and for the most part, he succeeds.
***
As for me, life is going really well. Well, there are still technicalities to iron out, but generally I am safe, loved and happy and that is all I can ask for. Turns out that Yuma is a great place for my field at the moment, so God delivered me to where I needed to be. The jobs here are even super flexible, so the kids can and will always be my top priority, even when I do go back to work. I get to spend my days concentrating on my boys, and doing the things with them that I love to do- museums, field trips, homeschooling, art. They are certainly the center of my life, and it is such a joy and a blessing to get to be their mother. The rest will fall into place, and I have faith that God has a plan for us and that he loves us deeply. We pray together daily as a family for peace, and in gratitude for the blessings we have, and that God bless everyone we know (frequently including all species of whale, dinosaurs, and many of the natural disasters... Daegan just LOVES to say, "Please bless the volcanoes, the dinosaurs and mac n cheese.")
A dear friend of mine told me the other day, "Stay strong and love like crazy." I am clinging to that thought, and my faith, to help God paint a beautiful masterpiece on our newly-blank canvases of life.
<3
***
I asked Daegan to help me carry in a DVD player, and put it in his room.
"Sweetheart, can you handle that or is it too heavy?"
"Oh, mom! It is heavy, but I am stronger than it is heavy, because I am a STRONG BOY!!"
***
We had a play date this Friday at the AZ Science Museum with a friend of mine and his son. We had a ton of fun, but you know what I think Daegan's favorite part was? When we were chilling in the grass, and he got to run around with his brother and his friend!! Kids are silly sometimes. I think Daegan may have a new best friend now, though... because all I heard in the car afterward was "Mommy, Alex is my bestest buddy in the whole wide world. But that's ok to have two best buddies. Mommy, can J be my best buddy too?" It was so sweet. My heart just melted and I love that Daegan is able to make such great friends so easily.
***
Oh, and Logan? Man, that kid is going through a growth spurt!! Thankfully, once we were no longer in a super stressful environment and got settled in Yuma, his vocabulary and verbal skills just really started excelling. The child is speaking in complete sentences, my favorite of which is, "I do it!!" Really, I swear... that's my favorite!! I look at him sometimes and see a little boy, not a baby anymore. He is getting longer, leaner, and much more independent. He really just wants to do everything that Daegan does, and for the most part, he succeeds.
***
As for me, life is going really well. Well, there are still technicalities to iron out, but generally I am safe, loved and happy and that is all I can ask for. Turns out that Yuma is a great place for my field at the moment, so God delivered me to where I needed to be. The jobs here are even super flexible, so the kids can and will always be my top priority, even when I do go back to work. I get to spend my days concentrating on my boys, and doing the things with them that I love to do- museums, field trips, homeschooling, art. They are certainly the center of my life, and it is such a joy and a blessing to get to be their mother. The rest will fall into place, and I have faith that God has a plan for us and that he loves us deeply. We pray together daily as a family for peace, and in gratitude for the blessings we have, and that God bless everyone we know (frequently including all species of whale, dinosaurs, and many of the natural disasters... Daegan just LOVES to say, "Please bless the volcanoes, the dinosaurs and mac n cheese.")
A dear friend of mine told me the other day, "Stay strong and love like crazy." I am clinging to that thought, and my faith, to help God paint a beautiful masterpiece on our newly-blank canvases of life.
<3
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