As hard as I try not to, I really underestimate my children sometimes.
At bedtime, our routine lately (last two weeks or so) has been dinner-play-school- bath-stories-prayer-stories-bed.
First, let me say that doing family prayer time has been *ahem* enlightening. It is so interesting to see what is important to them, through their eyes. Daegan is always thankful for his brother, me, Grammy, Grampa, and his friends and teachers at school and church... then tacks on blessing requests for dinosaurs, planets, bugs, and a systematic list of all the different species of shark in the ocean (which, I regret to say, is an exhaustive list. The kid can name far more sharks than I ever cared to know.) Logan only prays for one thing: his brother.
School lately has been learning the Latin names for the skeletal structure, reading, and basic arithmetic. Daegan can name most of the skeleton, and the circulatory system (which was last month's focus) and tonight we discussed how they integrate. He has moved away from the workbooks for now, preferring to work on the computer or just with things in his environment. I kind of let him choose where to go with it, making each experience enriched instead of focusing on specific tasks or goals.
The first round of stories are stories we each tell, not from books. Logan is getting good at it- he can say, "Once upon a time... brother and Logan... love you brother!" Daegan's stories are an interesting semi-schizophrenic free-association of action and relationships. Someone always ends up bloody, someone always is a hero, his stories certainly have archetypes if not a plot (his plots are getting stronger, but he struggles with the whole introduction-building action-climax-denouement structure so far...)
Then the second round of stories has been from books. I noticed that the kids were getting fidgety during their children's books about bedtimes, divorces, and managing emotions. So, about a week ago, I had a thought: what if I began to read them a story that was not dumbed down for children? I found a story on Kindle with is about a little girl who loses her family in an earthquake and ends up lost, attacked by a lion, and taken in by neanderthals. It is 1126 pages long. There are no pictures. The vocabulary and descriptive text is FAR above the kids' heads... and they love it. Every night I read to them for about an hour from the book. They lay on my shoulders, breathing quietly, only breaking the soft sounds of me speaking long enough to ask, "Mommy, what does xxx mean?" to the new vocabulary words. We are now 130 pages into the story.
The book describes mythologies, evolution, the social variances and norms within the neanderthal culture, and just on the last page I read the following words appeared: sanctify, totems, dedicate, affliction, deciduous, annex, aurochs, resinous and apex. I am absolutely stunned as they sit in quiet captivation for a full hour- the time itself a testimony to this miracle considering they are only 2 and 4!- and absorb and integrate information that I had only passed to them on a whim.
No wonder they fidgeted when Dr. Seus discussed fantasy creatures in rhyming cadence. They were bored!! I could cry, I am so proud of them. I have to constantly remind myself that they are amazingly capable children and that everytime I underestimate them, I deny them critical learning opportunities. I really hope that in light of all the disruption in their lives, their little brains can absorb one message over all: Their mother loves them DEARLY, and God loves them EVEN more, and that they are always safe even when their world is chaotic.
PS. Cute Daeganism: When I was 3, I was scared of the dark. Now that I am 4, I am brave of the dark. Big boys are super brave!!
Sunday, August 28, 2011
Prayers
In the car, returning from church, we were talking about prayers.
Me: "Do you think God likes it when we pray when we are sad?"
Daegan: "Yes, we can pray so our hearts can be happy."
Me: "Do you think God likes it when we pray when we are angry?"
Daegan: "Yes, God can help our volcanoes stop erupting."
Me: "Do you think God likes it when we pray when we are happy?"
Daegan: "Yes, that is when we can be grateful."
Me: "What are you grateful for?"
Logan: "My brother!"
Me: "Logan, you are grateful for your brother?"
Logan: "YES! Thank you for brother!"
*heart melting*
Me: "Do you think God likes it when we pray when we are sad?"
Daegan: "Yes, we can pray so our hearts can be happy."
Me: "Do you think God likes it when we pray when we are angry?"
Daegan: "Yes, God can help our volcanoes stop erupting."
Me: "Do you think God likes it when we pray when we are happy?"
Daegan: "Yes, that is when we can be grateful."
Me: "What are you grateful for?"
Logan: "My brother!"
Me: "Logan, you are grateful for your brother?"
Logan: "YES! Thank you for brother!"
*heart melting*
puppies and superheros
The boys' new favorite game is puppies and superheros. Yes, you read that right. They take turns- one gets to be the hero, one gets to be the puppy. I am not sure what the plot there is, but it seems to make sense to them. This officially marks the end of parallel play- this play is VERY interactive. They are each other's best friends, which is exactly how it should be. In the end, each is the only constant the other will have, besides my love for them.
Saturday, August 27, 2011
the waiting place
There are good moments in the waiting place- art, beauty, laughter, adventure and so much more... but good moments and real freedom are two totally different things. I have my children by my side in the waiting place, kissing my cheek, telling me they love me. It could certainly be less comfortable here. One day, hopefully soon, we will walk out of the waiting place and feel the real sunlight on our skin again. Then we can write our stories instead of being a spectator to our own lives.
I am trying to remember that if one acts out of love and respect then everything is exactly how it is supposed to be. However, it is so hard to accept when "everything is" full of pain, disappointment and hurt. How can that be how it is supposed to be? Why is it that love and respect and unconditionality don't fix all the hurts in the world? They should. Isn't that what we are taught as children? Work hard, love deeply and be blessed? Why are we so helpless sometimes? Ah, questions that permeate the waiting place. Hard, heavy questions about good things happening to bad people and bad things happening to good people. My skin craves the sun.
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
dreams
I had two awesome dreams last night.
The first one was brief, just a snapshot. I was on stage, wearing a red dress reminiscent of early Hollywood, and had just finished my part of the "Vagina Monologues." My heels were slippery on the stage, so once out of public eyesight, I used them to skate down the ramp off the stage. At the bottom, I kicked them off (you all know my relationship with heels) and walked barefoot to the back of the auditorium where I could grab a program and sit back and listen to the rest of the performance. A simple dream, but it was nice. I was happy in it.
The second one was a post-apocolyptic dream. It was April 4th, 2012 and something had happened to temporarily disrupt the ozone layer (it had something to do with the magnetic field of a comet which had recently impacted our moon.) Unfortunantly, this disruption coincided with a solar storm, and the temperatures on Earth were rising. They were no longer measured in degrees, but rages. In other words, when the dream began, it was Rage 4. At Rage 4, people were still active but were much more agressive, scared, and the suicide rates were up. By the end of the dream, it was Rage 9 and the Black Rider (the 4th Horseman of the Apocalypse) was out, behind him bringing a wave of flash fires to anything that was combustable. In the dream, I had had a paranoid friend who had believed that the world would end in fire (noting, of course, God's promise to never again use water), and he had built a solar-powered air conditioning machine to add to his eco-friendly home. He had one of those adobe houses with walls several feet thick. Anyway, so we bunkered up at his house right around when the Rages hit 5, and were comfortable personally, but were watching the chaos occur online through social media, and through the news (all of which didn't stop functioning until about Rage 8). Then, some pissed off people (isn't there always a villian or set of villians when society breaks down? Let's face it, people get primal and gangs start to rule) were upset that we were bunkered up while they were dying, so they left silver coins (offerings) for The Horseman outside our door, hoping that he would pause long enough there to collect them that it would overwhelm our survival systems. As such began a long process of trying to collect the coins without letting people in, letting the air out, stuff like that. It was complicated and a little like war. Then, on an outing to collect processed food (because, I being the snobby idiot that I am, had only packed fresh fruit and perishables- apparently the key to survival is junk food), I was intercepted by some survival geek hiding in a refurbished tractor tire and he slipped me two scrolls. I was trying to get back into the shelter when someone shot me in the shoulder, which kinda pissed me off and REALLY hurt. Anyway, I was able to get back into the shelter with one of the scrolls, and had the general idea that these scrolls were an outline on how to rebuild post-Rage 10, because there would be other survivors in this new age. That was where the dream ended, but it was pretty cool. I like post-apocalyptic stories.
The first one was brief, just a snapshot. I was on stage, wearing a red dress reminiscent of early Hollywood, and had just finished my part of the "Vagina Monologues." My heels were slippery on the stage, so once out of public eyesight, I used them to skate down the ramp off the stage. At the bottom, I kicked them off (you all know my relationship with heels) and walked barefoot to the back of the auditorium where I could grab a program and sit back and listen to the rest of the performance. A simple dream, but it was nice. I was happy in it.
The second one was a post-apocolyptic dream. It was April 4th, 2012 and something had happened to temporarily disrupt the ozone layer (it had something to do with the magnetic field of a comet which had recently impacted our moon.) Unfortunantly, this disruption coincided with a solar storm, and the temperatures on Earth were rising. They were no longer measured in degrees, but rages. In other words, when the dream began, it was Rage 4. At Rage 4, people were still active but were much more agressive, scared, and the suicide rates were up. By the end of the dream, it was Rage 9 and the Black Rider (the 4th Horseman of the Apocalypse) was out, behind him bringing a wave of flash fires to anything that was combustable. In the dream, I had had a paranoid friend who had believed that the world would end in fire (noting, of course, God's promise to never again use water), and he had built a solar-powered air conditioning machine to add to his eco-friendly home. He had one of those adobe houses with walls several feet thick. Anyway, so we bunkered up at his house right around when the Rages hit 5, and were comfortable personally, but were watching the chaos occur online through social media, and through the news (all of which didn't stop functioning until about Rage 8). Then, some pissed off people (isn't there always a villian or set of villians when society breaks down? Let's face it, people get primal and gangs start to rule) were upset that we were bunkered up while they were dying, so they left silver coins (offerings) for The Horseman outside our door, hoping that he would pause long enough there to collect them that it would overwhelm our survival systems. As such began a long process of trying to collect the coins without letting people in, letting the air out, stuff like that. It was complicated and a little like war. Then, on an outing to collect processed food (because, I being the snobby idiot that I am, had only packed fresh fruit and perishables- apparently the key to survival is junk food), I was intercepted by some survival geek hiding in a refurbished tractor tire and he slipped me two scrolls. I was trying to get back into the shelter when someone shot me in the shoulder, which kinda pissed me off and REALLY hurt. Anyway, I was able to get back into the shelter with one of the scrolls, and had the general idea that these scrolls were an outline on how to rebuild post-Rage 10, because there would be other survivors in this new age. That was where the dream ended, but it was pretty cool. I like post-apocalyptic stories.
Saturday, August 13, 2011
okay.
Today has been a really fun one with the boys. I am so fortunate to have this time to spend with them and to watch them grow and develop.
Today we were playing outside in their "rocket ships" (read: large cardboard boxes). Daegan and Logan were at each other's throats about everything- whose rocket was whose, which one was better, and all that stuff. So, I told them that I was going to take Logan inside and Daegan could play with the rockets... and both of them said, "NO MOMMY!! (I wanna) play with brother!!"
I just looked at them bewildered. It is so funny that despite getting on each other's last nerves, they still just adore each other. That brotherly bond is priceless.
Daegan is also just completely loving his friends and networks here. Can you believe a 4 year old has a network? We can't go anywhere without him finding someone he knows. "Hey Mom, look!! It's my friend!! My friend from (church/school/activities)!" It has been a wonderful grounding force for him to know he can develop and maintain relationships here, and I know that he is just really going to love the school I have picked out for him next year. It will meet him where he is academically without having to put him into any sort of special classes.
He asks me tonight if he can write a letter to Santa. "Dear Santa," he writes. "I would really like a new car. A really shiny one. But Santa, I just want to mention that my friends have been REALLY good too. Please, can you let Alex come over to my house? I sure miss my buddy."
My heart melted. He really, really loves Alex. Whenever he gets to see him, he runs up to him, hugs him, holds his hand, and they just are peas in a pod. It is Daegan's first bromance. I have never seen him take to someone like he has to Alex. He just pines for the next day when he can see him. Sometimes even at home, he says, "I wonder what Alex is doing?" It is heartwarming. They really are best buddies. I sure hope they end up going to the same school, too... Daegan will be crushed if they don't.
Today we were playing outside in their "rocket ships" (read: large cardboard boxes). Daegan and Logan were at each other's throats about everything- whose rocket was whose, which one was better, and all that stuff. So, I told them that I was going to take Logan inside and Daegan could play with the rockets... and both of them said, "NO MOMMY!! (I wanna) play with brother!!"
I just looked at them bewildered. It is so funny that despite getting on each other's last nerves, they still just adore each other. That brotherly bond is priceless.
Daegan is also just completely loving his friends and networks here. Can you believe a 4 year old has a network? We can't go anywhere without him finding someone he knows. "Hey Mom, look!! It's my friend!! My friend from (church/school/activities)!" It has been a wonderful grounding force for him to know he can develop and maintain relationships here, and I know that he is just really going to love the school I have picked out for him next year. It will meet him where he is academically without having to put him into any sort of special classes.
He asks me tonight if he can write a letter to Santa. "Dear Santa," he writes. "I would really like a new car. A really shiny one. But Santa, I just want to mention that my friends have been REALLY good too. Please, can you let Alex come over to my house? I sure miss my buddy."
My heart melted. He really, really loves Alex. Whenever he gets to see him, he runs up to him, hugs him, holds his hand, and they just are peas in a pod. It is Daegan's first bromance. I have never seen him take to someone like he has to Alex. He just pines for the next day when he can see him. Sometimes even at home, he says, "I wonder what Alex is doing?" It is heartwarming. They really are best buddies. I sure hope they end up going to the same school, too... Daegan will be crushed if they don't.
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
Out of mouths...
"Hey Mom, do you know what beetles say?"
"No, baby... what do they say?"
"They say, 'Hey, Daegan, what's happening?!?"
He cracks up...
***
"Mommy, do you want to go on an adventure with me?"
"Always, baby."
"Ok, let's go to Bakugan Island."
"Bakugan Island?"
"Yeah, that's where the Bakugans live. There are so many of them there."
"Ok. How do we get there?"
"We have to take a long drive first to the airport. Then we fly. Then we have to hike over super dangerous mountains!! Don't worry, Mom. I'm bringing my binoclelears to see far away, and my pirate sword to keep you safe."
(*ignoring the part where he thinks I need protection. Little boys like to be heros, I'll teach him feminism later...*)
"Ok. But..."
"Oh, Mom. I know you always get lost. Don't worry. I will go draw you a map."
"No, baby... what do they say?"
"They say, 'Hey, Daegan, what's happening?!?"
He cracks up...
***
"Mommy, do you want to go on an adventure with me?"
"Always, baby."
"Ok, let's go to Bakugan Island."
"Bakugan Island?"
"Yeah, that's where the Bakugans live. There are so many of them there."
"Ok. How do we get there?"
"We have to take a long drive first to the airport. Then we fly. Then we have to hike over super dangerous mountains!! Don't worry, Mom. I'm bringing my binoclelears to see far away, and my pirate sword to keep you safe."
(*ignoring the part where he thinks I need protection. Little boys like to be heros, I'll teach him feminism later...*)
"Ok. But..."
"Oh, Mom. I know you always get lost. Don't worry. I will go draw you a map."
Monday, August 1, 2011
Wings
I have noticed that as Daegan gets older, the gender lines become much more stark.
"These things," he says, "are for girls." And "That's a boy toy, mama!! I love that!!" (Yes, we did just take an unnerving trip to Toys R Us...)
So, imagine my surprise when I look up and see Daegan toting out his red, bedazzled tutu and two sets of sparkly fairy wings.
"Will you help us, mommy? I want to be a fairy."
"Sure baby. Turn around."
I help him into the tutu and wings, respectively, briefly feeling somewhat sad knowing this was one of the last vestiges of genderless parenting we will see for a long time...
Then, I hear:
"Come on Logan! With wings on, we can jump off ANYTHING and not get hurt!! Let's go fly! Hmm... let's start with the counter." (His eyes light up with realized mischeif...) "No, wait!! THE ROOF!! COME ON!!"
Sigh. At least they still think the wings are the only things helping them fly, because- trust me on this- their capes are in MUCH better condition.
*For the record, I absolutely veto'd jumping off the roof, settling for jumping from pillow to pillow on the floor instead. He wasn't quite satisfied with that solution.
"These things," he says, "are for girls." And "That's a boy toy, mama!! I love that!!" (Yes, we did just take an unnerving trip to Toys R Us...)
So, imagine my surprise when I look up and see Daegan toting out his red, bedazzled tutu and two sets of sparkly fairy wings.
"Will you help us, mommy? I want to be a fairy."
"Sure baby. Turn around."
I help him into the tutu and wings, respectively, briefly feeling somewhat sad knowing this was one of the last vestiges of genderless parenting we will see for a long time...
Then, I hear:
"Come on Logan! With wings on, we can jump off ANYTHING and not get hurt!! Let's go fly! Hmm... let's start with the counter." (His eyes light up with realized mischeif...) "No, wait!! THE ROOF!! COME ON!!"
Sigh. At least they still think the wings are the only things helping them fly, because- trust me on this- their capes are in MUCH better condition.
*For the record, I absolutely veto'd jumping off the roof, settling for jumping from pillow to pillow on the floor instead. He wasn't quite satisfied with that solution.
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