Logan's turn!

"Daegan's my bwuther."
"Yes baby."
"He's also my fwend. I love you, Daegan! You are my fwend."

more Daeganisms.

Three stories for tonight about my sweet Daegan.

1.  Daegan, in response to being teased, "It's ok. You don't have to like it. It makes me happy, and that's all that matters." It took me till I was in my 20's to know what he knows at 4. I hope he never loses that amazing sense of self-acceptance and self-esteem.

2. As we were getting ready for bed, Daegan was having trouble putting on his undies. He growled in frustration.
"Moooom. My brain is sending the signals to my hands, but my hands are still having trouble making my legs go through the right holes! I just can't get them oriented right!" (He was, for the record, very tired.)

3. A little later, we laid in bed quietly. I was snuggling them down for sleep. Daegan was sobbing quietly into his pillow.
"Baby, what is wrong?"
"My heart is so, so sad Mommy! It is just BREAKING."
"Why is your heart breaking baby?"
"My heart is breaking because today is over. Christmas is over. Tomorrow isn't Christmas anymore."
"Wasn't it a good Christmas, sweetheart?"
"Yes! That's why I am so sad! It's over!"
"I know, baby. Sometimes it just sucks to look forward to something so much and to enjoy it so much that you just want to cling to the moment and never let it go. And it hurts when it is over. I know baby."

So, we talked a bit about when it is ok to feel sad without expecting a resolution to it. After a few minutes, he turned over and told me, "My heart is happy now, Mommy. I was sad, but now I am happy."
"What made you happy, love?"
"You. I love you so much. You make me happy. Will you snuggle me closer now?"
"Anytime you want, sweetheart. I love you more than all the world."
He sighed contented and quickly went to sleep.
Sometimes life is hard. I cannot protect them from that. Good things end. Bad things happen. People disappoint you, shock you, scare you, or worse. I have no control over that. What I DO have control over, though, is giving them the tools to deal with it. I just feel like the last couple days have shown that he is listening to me when I am whispering lessons in a very noisy room, and that is a very good feeling.

Howdy, Ma'am

As many of the busier among us do, I waited till yesterday to do my Christmas shopping. This was in part because I was waiting for payday and in part due to pure bah-humbugedness.

Daegan and Logan had just opened their first gifts... horseback riding lessons, complete with little cowboy hats and REAL cowboy boots. Daegan's boots are brown leather, Logan's red with a silver toe.

So, in true child style, they insisted on wearing their cowboy getups to shop with me. Logan was riding on my back in the O&A (he wasn't feeling top-notch, so that little cowboy got a ride.) Daegan walked politely next to me.

^^ That is setting the scene.

So, we are at Walmart, and Daegan is walking through the store, and he gently tips his hat every time he passes an old lady. "Howdy, Ma'am." I start cracking up... remember- we are at Walmart, the day before Christmas Eve, in Yuma, During Snowbird Season. There were so many old ladies, I thought that he would get tired of it. He didn't.

One was trying to get around someone, and said, "Excuse me." Daegan walked up to her and said, "How may I be of service, ma'am? I am a gentleman!"

Ah, smiles. He really is my little gentleman. I never expected him to have an inner cowboy, though! :)

tender cuddles

Context:

Lately, I have been working on getting the boys to snuggle each other for comfort in their bed instead of me. Life demands that I have a few more hours in the day, and despite loving to snuggle my babies, it is just becoming impractical.

This has been... challenging. They are so used to snuggling their mommy and I am so used to sleeping with one angel on each shoulder. So, it's a learning process for all of us I suppose.

The Moment:

I put the boys to bed. We did our family stories, then prayers, just like normal. Then, I slipped out and left them to meet the Sandman independently. The room was quiet for an hour. I celebrated the success: Finally! They are getting it! They are going to bed on their own!

I was just finishing up my homework and getting into bed myself, when I hear the soft padding of a four-year old's feet on the carpet. Daegan peaks his head in the door.

"Mommy? Are you asleep yet?"
"No baby."

He walks over to me, crawls into my lap, and wraps his arms around my neck. With his head nuzzled in my neck, he says:

"I love you so much, Mommy. I even helped put brother to bed. I snuggled him until he was fast asleep. But I can't sleep alone in there now, Mommy. It is so scary. I tried to be brave, Mommy, I did!  Can I PLEASE snuggle you?"

I let him lay next to me for a while, and he closed his eyes, petting my cheek softly with his hand, and his mouth curled into a sleepy smile.

"I love you so much, Mommy," he sighed as he drifted off to sleep.

Such a sweet, big boy he is becoming. Such a gentleman. And still yet, he needs his mommy.

girls, girls, girls!

Daegan told me last night:
"Mommy, did you know I have a girlfriend? Her name is Brooklyn and I love her so much!"

"Brooklyn, huh? What makes her your girlfriend?"

"She lets me play with her, and I hug her a lot, and she gives me cookies."

"Sounds like you are really making out on this deal!"

"Yeah. But she won't be my girlfriend anymore if she gives Body any more cookies. Then that would be so mean, and it would break my heart."

Ah, young love.

:P

It's just a dream...

I had a dream


that having chosen to sit where the sand and the ocean meet

I was able to witness an ancient struggle

Facing inward toward land,

the other view being predictable and deceiving

I sat motionless as the waves assaulted my back

and the sea surging over my head,

covered my lungs

knowing with each one

seemingly fatal

would pass before discomfort evolved into danger.

And as silent witnesses do,

I marked the greedy waves

raping the beach of sand with each pass

in handfuls and buckets,

stealing its precious treasure.

I wondered what has the sea to do with such sand?

The sand sinks in its depths

and does not add to its value.

Then, contemplating the robbery

I thought that there must be

an inborn equality

where the sea also delivers sand

even if as a gross accident of circumstance

and not of generous nature,

for the beach I sat upon was not new

it was ancient.

It would be there tomorrow and in a century

barely unchanged

by the robbing sea.

So, skin deadened by the

assault of water upon my back,

I faced the fear

and turned to look upon my attacker.

Seeing that it was not but a moment too soon

as the largest wave threatened the shore

blocking the stars,

infinite in its depths

one I could certainly not withstand

that discomfort was danger

I scrambled to my feet

and ran up the shore

making a mortal choice

to where the water would not

kill but maim

and held on by instinct

till my breath burst in my lungs

and my heart threatened to fail

just as I grew too weak to continue

the raging sea relented

and returned to its agitated norm.

Gazing now from the top of the beach

I see the sand

and the water, where they meet

have left another victim

rolling in their waves

and I rush down to meet him

help him to his feet

and tell him

he has undiscovered strength

but that the secret to survival

is knowing when to run.